Moving to America with child - ideal age

[Radkar]

Hello Everyone,
I am a single parent to 6 year old and we live in London. My sons dad is involved and see his son every other weekend (nothing in between, no help during holidays). I got together with someone 2 years ago who is originally from America (New York). He is staying in London for me and now we are moving in together. However, I really dislike London and UK (I’m not from here originally) . I wanna move with him to US one day (I lived there for 5 years in my 20s so I know I wanna be there ). However, my son absolutely comes first. As I said dad is involved (but not hugely) and he also is close to my sister and her husband and sees them every other week. I’m wondering if I should make the move as soon as possible. Should we wait for when primary school ends?. Wait for him to turn 18 and give him choice?! What is the best age to completely change my child’s life. Please hell I’m driving myself crazy overthinking this. Btw. I do have fathers permission to potentially move.

I have absolutely no idea on this subject but in my opinion i would do it before the child creates real relationships/friends OR when he's old enough to make the choice himself.

So before primary school or 18. Anything in the middle I would say is unfair

But as I say no experience in this. Hopefully others who have done it can provide better advice

Sorry I re read child is 6 so already at primary! ASAP then or when they are older .just my opinion

Not at all I would say. Whilst his father isn't the best of fathers in terms of contact from what you've said, the fact is he is still your child's father and having contact with his dad is so important. Whether you have his father's permission or not it wouldn't be the right or best thing for your child to never see his father again which is what will happen if you move.

I would say now is a good time. As PP said it would be good to move before your DC has made real friendships. I’d also look up the school years in America and potentially move so he would start middle school from the beginning .

I think you'd be crazy to voluntarily put your child into an American school, personally!

Now. The normal break is from elementary to high school - which starts at equivalent to Y10 here. Some places do middle school. The smaller elementary schools tend to filter into one big high school.
I think it would be harder on your child to move them to start high school, so within the next couple years if possible is probably best.

It’s really scary as I don’t want to put my child through it at all. I was even thinking to wait for him to become an adult first (I myself moved to America at 18 alone and loved it- maybe he will be similar)

not until child is 18.

have you seriously considered what it would mean to move to the USA? would you be able to get a job there? a serious job with healthcare? because if you don't have a job or healthcare, you can't live. And good jobs have long hours and little holiday plus you can be fired for no reason.

have you considered what the education options are for a child in the USA? schools are very variable and all have things like 'active shooter drills' that I would not want to put my child through.

if you move, you are massively disrupting your child's relationship with his dad and other family. and then even more potential disruption if the relationship with new man doesn't work out.

My partner is very high earner and owns a property. I have a masters degree so hopefully would find a good job too. The shooting is obviously a concern, but I worked with kids when living there for 5 years and kids seemed happy and thriving in American schools. The disturbance of relationship with his dad is a major issue for me, but honestly they are not close at all and my boy is already asking if he could just be with me 100% of the time. The waiting for when he is 18 was an idea, because then he could come with me or stay with his dad if he chose to. I left my home and country at 18 to
move to US and it wasn’t traumatic at all😅I loved it so much I still dream about going back obviously

No other family in UK unfortunately (no grandparents on either side) . It would just be about missing friends

What's your plan in terms of visa? Fiancee visa? If so, you can't work for a while I don't think. I don't think I would want me and my child to be financially dependent on someone I didn't know really well. Personally I would want longer than 2 years in a relationship to do that.

I would also want to be absolutely sure not "hopeful" that I could support myself and my child independently - I wouldn't want to rely on the wealthy boyfriend when you have a son to think about.

I realise your son isn't super close to his dad but it does sound like they have regular contact. I wouldn't want to disrupt that until the child was old enough to keep in touch independently. Which would mean I guess high school.

From a school point of view, asap or at least in time for middle school.

Just to mention school entry age in New York is 6, so he may not miss any school.

If you want to take your child to live in the US you would need the permission of their father, or a court order (which, unless there is a whole back story of abuse and the court would realistically rule that effectively terminating their relationship with their father is in their best interests) you wouldn't get. So if their father isn't in agreement with the move then you almost certainly don't have a choice anyway.

I wasn’t planning on moving just yet ... Definitely fiancé visa realising I can’t work straight away . I’m not counting on the man to take care of me. I’m continuing saving and I also own a property in my country I could come back to if worse comes to worst

That sounds good.

The thing about the US is there is less of a safety net so if you don't have a good job and you break up with your partner, things like your healthcare will be an issue.

no i would not move to the usa until your child is a adult and can provide look after himself or live with family always have a safety net if things like a break up or death illness things can happen and its not always easy to get visas and fly back home please really think about this and always have back up as well

If your sons dad really will
give you permission to move you should probably grab that and go.
he could change his mind.
and if he says he doesn’t want you to take his child to a different continent then things will be much harder.

Well the sooner the better - but it's presumably not in your son's interests to be separated from his Dad unless there is no choice. You'd have to get your exes permission to leave.

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