Stressing about toddler not being potty trained

[User920202]

My daughter is 3 next month and not potty trained. It's really stressing me out. She's pretty resistant to it. She will sit and pretend but won't do anything on the potty or toilet. She sometimes wears underwear but she just pees herself and gets upset. Any advise on getting her more interested? I've read her books about it etc

Happily sitting on the potty and wearing knickers doesn’t sound resistant. Is there something else happening which makes you think she is resistant to starting potty training?

She’s not ready. Some children are just not ready until 3.

leave the potty out in the bathroom so she can see it. Read books together about etc, but take the pressure off and don’t try to use it yet.

is she at nursery or preschool? Sometimes seeing other children do it gives them a kick too.

Many children are nearer 40 months it's about being physically mentally ready. If your getting stressed she will pick up on it and everything gets worse. Just do nappy free before baths and remove the pressure.

When I ask her to tell me if she needs the potty she'll say she doesn't want to, or sometimes she will refuse to sit on the potty at all. Some days she'll refuse to have anything to do with the potty.

She starts preschool in September.

My mum says I wasn't interested and sounds similar at three. She left it and at 3.5 I did it in a week.

I think with potty training you have to be 100% committed, or wait a bit longer and try when she's older

If you want to persevere now, i recommend taking a few days off work to chill with your daughter and keep practicing. Stay at home, get a couple of nice new toys and books to play with, bake together, that kind of thing. Get a good potty training book to give you support when you run out of ideas.

It feels like a big deal now but you will get there and this will all be in the past. Every parent has a favourite potty training disaster story!!

I totally empathise!

DS was three at the start of May and took the plunge over the late May bank holiday.

He completely understood but was proactively resisting it. I honestly think it was laziness in the end 😂 We've nailed wees but poos still an issue. Nursery were totally on board with trying which helped and a few others started the same weekend so there is a group of them which is good.

You've got plenty of time, lots happens developmentally in 3 months.
Preschool shouldn't discriminate if she's not ready but I'm sure she will be.

I think the problem is not with your child, the problem is that you're getting stressed about something that's not in your control.
Try to think about what's making you stressed and try to reframe it, remember your responsibility is to provide the potty, clothes, and the opportunity, and your child's responsibility is to decide when they are ready.
If you're using words like "pretend" then your not on her side. If she is getting upset then she is worried about damaging her relationship with you.

From what you've said she simply isn't ready, so take the pressure off yourself (and therefore her) and see what happens.

Our child minder kept talking about potty training from before 2, but we just listened and said ok. We tried pants from about 2.5 but he just pood in then every time then once we got stressed we just went back to nappies. Then we tried again at 3y3m and he pretty much had it in a week. Now at 3y10m he still holds it and needs prompting a lot but that's what he needs so that's what he gets.

Good luck, parenting is tough especially about"milestones"

Also preschool were fine about nappies, they were happy to work with us in the same way as the childminder and at home.

Some of them just aren’t ready so don’t feel pressure because they must do something by a certain age. Keep doing what you’re doing in terms of reading stories about potties and having it out so she can see.

Our DS was already in the preschool room at nursery and just gone 3 before we trained him. He would sit on the potty but would only tell us he needed a poo after the fact and wouldn’t mention a wee at all. They just need to get used to the feeling and understanding what it is.

We had his sister not long before his birthday so had to delay it so not too much change, however, we decided one weekend we were just going to do it. Didn’t leave the house and let him run around with frequent reminders about the potty. Gave him a potty chart with stickers and also a bit of chocolate bribery! Celebrated like mad when he did anything.
Within a couple of weeks he was trained and we were very lucky that he trained himself overnight too at the same time so he’s completely out of nappies in just a couple of months and now uses the toilet with a little seat on, rather than a potty.

When you’re ready, make it exciting so she can pick her own big girl pants and I’d really recommend the intense method.

Just go cold turkey. Yes, she will get upset when she has accidents but that means she will learn quickly to look for the potty. Just stop using Nappies and take a few days off work.

As others have said its all in or all out with the potty. It takes your commitment and your confidence that your daughter can do this and the support her in learning.
Take some time off work. No nappy no underwear. Watch her intensely for signs she needs a wee. Try to catch that first wee. If not never mind let's get the next one. She will learn that she doesn't like making a mess and she will love your praise when she does it on the potty. Keep going. Nappies only for sleep time. Potty comes everywhere. She will get it.

My son turned 3 in feb and we've only just started taking him out the house without nappies! He just wasn't showing signs of being ready and got distressed at the idea of not wearing a nappy.

As soon as he showed the signs we rolled with it and had him using the toilet and no nappies within 4 days.

I wouldn't worry.

Have you tried the toilet instead with an additional seat so it's more comfortable? My daughter is 3.5 and only just got the hang of it after 3 particularly when seeing others at childminders doing it.

At that age, skip potty, straight to toilet

reward with a sweet/gold star/reward every time she goes

she’ll be trained in no time

nappies these days are too good, if you let her wear pants, and just get a mop and bucket ready, and a pile of clean pants, she’ll get to grips with it very soon

Highly recommend reading Oh Crap potty training book, very useful and gives practical advice.

It also says that the ideal time is 18-30 months and it gets harder after that, so I would do it sooner rather than later.

As others have said, you have to be consistent. Once nappies are gone, they are gone. Have confidence in your child’s abilities. Commit to it to give her a decent chance at being able to do it. She’ll be so proud when she’s got it.

A nappy is safe, familiar, all they’ve ever known so it’s understandable that the child will to want to stick to it, it’s a lot less hassle than stopping playing and going to the toilet. So I don’t buy into the “they’ll do it when they’re ready” - they need to be actively taught. At the moment you’re teaching her that the potty is optional.

Completely leave it for a few months.

2 of my DC were 2 and a quarter and the third was 3 and 4 months. It took him 2 days to get the hang of it and he completely missed the potty stage.

In my experience, telling you they need to go comes later in the process.

Try to mail the "just in case" wee so that can get used to releasing in that position. Ask her to sit when she hasn't done one in an hour. Read to get and just be patient. When she does a wee, lots of praise. If she hasn't after 10 mins, wait another 20 mins and then try again.

Until they are actively holding it, they won't necessarily get the feeling of "needing" to go. Some kids do lots of little wees at that age as it just trickles out without getting a really full bladder.

Be patient. Some get it faster than others. My eldest got it incredibly quickly. She had trouble with not wanting to release, but she never really had accidents after 3 weeks and she was dry at night realm early. My other two, MUCH more accident prone. Still get an accident most days unless I remind them, and they almost never tell me they need to go and we're 5 months in....

leave the potty out in the bathroom so she can see it.

Too far away! Learners don't get much warning. They need a potty waiting close at hand to where they are playing in the sitting room, kitchen, garden etc .