Newborn Routine?

[sunlover1123]

Hi all,

DS was born almost 5 weeks ago after a traumatic unplanned C section arriving 9 days early due to fetal distress. I had complications after meaning I had a catheter at home for a week (awful) and the whole hospital stay was just awful with forgotten medication and forgotten dinners etc. I was sooo happy to get home even though I had complications and it took me a little longer to bond with baby (we still aren’t there yet)

He is putting on weight and such a good baby at night but the days are horrendous and after breastfeeding he refuses to be put down into a cot or Moses basket. He screams no matter how many ways I’ve tried it and it’s really getting me down.

He refuses to be settled by me unless I give him the breast to feed and having no time for myself to get a shower or write this post makes me really upset and quite frankly annoyed.

Is there a routine I am missing and when does this get easier?
My partner will no longer be at home and im so worried I won’t be able to settle the baby on my own during the day and he will just scream and annoy the neighbours. What else can I do if I need the loo or to make myself lunch?

no friends with kids and family doesn’t live close by so im on my own. The isolation is really crippling….

I honestly am really regretting having a baby and I feel awful for saying that but from 7am-7pm I literally can’t put him down and im drained with nothing left in the tank.

I’ve tried to stealthily put him down, gone for a walk and nothing helps but another person who doesn’t have boobs that can feed him!

Also I don’t get to go out a lot as he screams - would be helpful to know how active outside home you were at 5 weeks. Having no one with newborns means I’m a little lost and looking for advice x

This is completely normal. Have a read of the fourth trimester.

My husband worked away 5.5 days a week from when DD was 4 weeks old. No family within 5000 miles. I had done NCT classes though and had an amazing bunch of local friends whose babies were a month or 2 older that I could call on. We did one coffee meet up and one baby class per week.

Get your partner to make you a packed lunch before he goes to work.

Shower at night when he is at home and can hold baby.

It eases off at around 12 weeks so lower your expectations of yourself and just concentrate on baby.

Put him somewhere safe to go to the loo. Bouncy chair or mat on the floor. Surely you won’t be more than a few mins.

I know it's easy for me to say with hindsight but, he's only 5 weeks old. He's still box fresh. He only really knows you and it's really common for babies to be exactly as you've described.
When my son was that age I would take the bouncy chair into the bathroom (had to sit it in the doorway as bathroom was tiny) I'd pop him in there and have my shower so he was only a few feet away and could hear me singing or talking to him the whole time.
He was completely fine. He had been fed, given a clean new nappy, clothes changed, milk given and cuddles given before I got in the shower. Sometimes they will grumble a bit, they're tiny humans trying to make sense of this new world around them.
Also I'd use the term routine very loosely for any baby. That routine will change every time you start to master it so be flexible and allow yourself to get things done. If he yells then so be it, as long as it's not prolonged and you are there keeping an eye he will be fine.

Sorry to hear you had a traumatic birth experience, that can take a lot to recover from so firstly be kind to yourself, which is hard with a newborn but basically means cut yourself some slack wherever you can ❤️

Secondly breastfeeding is hard work and exhausting and that side is often overlooked or not given enough weight!

And then having a newborn that is so used to be curled up inside you for all that time and is all they know, it's no wonder they just want to be held constantly. That doesn't make it easy at all!

My newborn doesn't have a routine but when they're not breastfeeding they have a lot of wind and that makes it hard to settle. My health visitor scoffed and told me that BF babies don't need winding - ha! Mine absolutely does. Does yours?

Do you have a baby carrier? When baby just wants to be held it makes it easier because it helps support their weight and gives you your hands back to get your food or drinks!

Do you have a bouncy chair? Take it into the bathroom with you and shower whilst baby sits in the chair - the noise of the shower will likely send baby to sleep and you can still see each other too.

Do you have a pram/bassinet? Feed, wind and change baby then put them in the bassinet and go for a walk. The movement will send baby to sleep and the fresh air will do you both good.

It's hard but it DOES get better.

Mine is currently 7w

I barely left the house at 8 weeks after my c section... only after about 12 weeks I started to get out..

You do question why you have had a baby... that's normal but it does pass..

Do you have a pram? Try baby in pram in the garden back and forth.. sometimes the motion helps settle.

Also if you need the toilet / shower/ cuppa.. just put baby somewhere safe, they may cry but you do need to look after yourself too.

Things to try (sorry if you've tried already)

Swaddling - once tightly bound, lay them across your hands on their side and rock them up and down loudly shhhhh-ing

Sling - cary then around close to you as much as possible

Dummy - some babies just want to suckle continuously

White Noise - apps, washing machine, vacuum

If none of the above work after a decent try over a good few days, could you consider possible colic, cows milk allergy (via your bm), or even see a cranial osteopath?

Sent too soon!

Mine is 7w (second baby) and DP goes away for long periods, I also have no family near either, so I get how hard it is! Good luck...

He is still very small - and slightly early so even smaller really. And he had a traumatic birth as well. It really is very normal for them to just want their Mums at tis stage.
He will be safe in his Moses basket, pram, cot whatever while you have a wee, shower etc.
Put him in a bouncy chair in the kitchen whilst you sort some lunch - keep talking to him. He probably will cry but it is only for a short time.
Try walks in the pram - he may cry at first, but may stop if you persevere. His screams seem really loud to oyu - they are meant to, but honestly others will hardly notice.
Can you husband prepare you sandwiches or something to leave in the fridge for the day?

At five weeks the most I got was a walk round the block or up to the shop for supplies. But I do remember feeling very suffocated at this stage. DD was also a screamer in the pram and going everywhere was such a mission.

Feed DC, hand to DH, go for a walk. Go to the supermarket for a wander around. Go have a bath.

Newborns are horrible
honestly it gets better, but the first months are torture, not sugar coating it
read up on the fourth trimester- your baby is brand new, still needs lots of cuddles and doesn’t know the difference between day and night
what helped me survive:
sling, snacks and food that could be eaten single handed, water bottles all over the place and twice a day getting out of the house
at some point you need to leave the baby to cry… feed, burp, check nappy, gently put in a bassinet and go to the loo, or whatever you need, if the baby cries the baby cries - it’s ok… I’m about 2-3 weeks the baby will start seeing more things and will be distracted by things around, that will give you free minutes
use your husband, I can still remember the first day my husband went back to work, he came back, I handed DD and went for a 15 min nap, I was exhausted!
for about a month I got a baby free hour once he was home
it gets so much better once they hit the 2-3 month mark, that was when I started enjoying it
also, remember you baby is so tiny, at this point your baby will be equally happy going out for a walk than cuddling with you while you watch a film - honestly use this time to watch rubbish TV
as soon as you can go out, if you can baby groups are a life saver, they become your life line… but even out to the local shops, just seeing people did wonders
and do hang in there is a horrible time, but I promise you it gets way better soon

This is totally normal. It will get easier but until then you just have to deal with it basically. If you want to shower or go to the loo then lay him on a towel on the bathroom floor, he might scream but he will be safe and a bit of screaming won't hurt him. Wear him in a stretchy wrap sling to make lunch etc.

Also, his crying sounds awful to you because that's just biology, other people will notice it much less. Take him out for a walk in the pram, he might cry for a while but the fresh air will be good for both of you.

I've had four babies and I found (with all of them) that it starts to get markedly better round about 8 - 9 weeks.

You're doing well! It's hard to get used to it. Just remember that you can go and have a shower and leave the baby crying - you'll only be ten minutes, and ten minutes of crying will not hurt your baby.

Another vote for completely normal (albeit hard). A lot of newborns don’t like being put down, especially in a moving pram. A lot of newborns find the world far too stimulating
and cry a lot. A lot of breastfed newborns want to feed very frequently for lots and lots of reasons other than hunger. You aren’t missing anything and offering the breast whenever he is unsettled is your best course of action at 4 weeks old. Pre make some food when DP is around that you can have to hand and just try and accept your current situation. All I was doing at 4 weeks beyond breastfeeding was walking round outside with DS in the sling trying to get him to nap (he also screamed whenever he was put down, screamed in the sling a fair amount to to be honest, turns out nobody but me cared). I had breakfast out with my step mum at about 7 weeks and it felt like a humongous victory. It will get better!

Firstly, thank you for all your replies. You have no idea how comforting to hear how normal this all is. @GCWorkNightmare love the idea of the packed lunch. I will try to do that this week as the thought of trying to make myself anything is really hard.

@Toddler101 my health visitor is as helpful as a chocolate teapot. I called her at my wits ends when I was really struggling and no advice was provided apart from telling me to call my GP!
I have a sling but I am trying to figure
out if I need to put it on whilst breastfeeding DS or after. Conscious I don’t want to wake him when I’ve just got him to sleep.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I’ve been told he shouldn’t have a dummy until his tongue tie is removed in a few weeks but I do think we are missing a trick!

we don’t have a bouncer but I know a neighbour has one she is selling on market place so I will pick this up this week :)

I was really active whilst pregnant and before I got pregnant. With the heatwave atm i don’t want to take the baby out in the pram… somehow I think this is effecting me more than I realised.

I wished people would talk about this more. I’ve done a fair amount of reading but no one really goes into who isolating it is or how stressful it can be without support.

Thanks Mumsnet team somehow us parents manage to get through it together xx

@sunlover1123 feed baby and then put the sling or carrier on after. Baby may wake while you get them in the sling but they will fall back to sleep quickly, especially when you start walking around or dancing to the radio or doing chores or stick the kettle on tomake yourself a tea!

It's a bit tricky to get the hang of breastfeeding in a carrier or sling until you're a little used to baby wearing, ime.

So normal. They sleep, cry and feed. It is draining and tiring and boring! And yiu are absolutely not the only one how has wondered what on earth they were thinking ever wanting a baby! You do just need to reset your expectations and go with it. And be prepared for weekly changes, if they are soothed by a pat this week it might be a rub on their back next week and a song the week after!

Don't be worried about the crying when out. Most people and definitely anyone who has had children, will instantly pick up that newborn baby cry and it can be a very good conversation starter!

I found 5 weeks one of the hardest times... DP was back at work and I was on my own with a baby that wanted to feed constantly and we'd had tongue tie too so it was a struggle, I couldn't really reliably have even a hand free whilst feeding and I was having pain on one side post snip no one could explain. What kept me sane was going out to local breastfeeding support groups where you could get help and reassurance and meet others in the same boat - and not worry if your baby is crying or just wanting to feed the whole time! Also they go through a growth spurt at this stage - my babies felt like it went on forever but things do get better and markedly by 12 weeks. Now at 5 months I feel so much better and confident (and can make myself lunch whilst baby plays!) Feeding got loads easier too. Wish I'd been more prepared for all this too but its hard to see a way through when you're in the thick of it. Hang in there!!!! You've got this

This phase is brutal even with a straightforward physical recovery, especially first time round.

Have you considered silent reflux? That may be why they baby doesn't like to be put down, although some just like to be held for no reason other than it's cozy.

Feeding all the time at this stage is perfectly normal (if relentless), that should settle soon - six week growth spurt and then things regulate is usually the way of it.

Essentially, time is the best cure for this.

Don't be afraid to let the baby cry to meet your basic needs like the loo, eating and drinking. If they're going to cry they may as well do that in the bouncer while you pee!

I really feel for you and yet again my blood is boiling regarding the lack of useful information provided in ante natal classes. Your baby is behaving normally; some are more settled than this and some are less but what you areexperiencing is normal.
My advice is to put the baby down on the floor or their bed when you go to the loo or to boil the kettle, put them in the sling when you have things to do, have at least one walk a day with sling or pram and never to look at your watch. If you have to sit on the sofa for hours feeding then make sure you have drinks and snacks and go along with it. It really does settle.