Possible autism…?

[misslooloo]

Hello… I’m looking for some advice about autism.

I strongly suspect my 10–year-old son has mild autism and I’m wondering if there is any point in getting him diagnosed, or if having a label would be detrimental to him.

He had no developments delays in language skills, possibly slight in motor skills when it came to doing PE at first school. His vocabulary has always been scary good. He’s very loving, loves hugs.

He also walks on his toes and sometimes hand flapped when he ran about in his younger days. Today he told me “he would have had something else to eat for Breakfast” if he had known it wouldn’t be ready for 7.10am (I needed to go to the shop for milk). I questioned him about his morning routine and was surprised how rigid it was! Talked a lot about “changing tasks” from getting his uniform on to brushing his teeth, and I never need to remind him if it’s PE kit or uniform day.

He prefers one-on-one friendships and is very firm about which of his friends are allowed to come to his house. If he goes to the park to meet one friend and there happens to be more there he is NOT happy, and will come home. I can hear him then discussing it to himself in his bedroom. He doesn’t receive many party invitations 😞

He can be grumpy, and hard work if we want to leave the house. He will put up a lot of resistance about it being “a waste of time” but be fine as soon as we’re out (for a little while at least). A lot of things are a “waste of time” to him! Other things… he will only get his hair cut at a certain barber’s shop, he sees things very black-and-white, and is very reluctant to spend money (though I think he gets that from his dad…)

I should add that one of his uncles is autistic, as is one of his cousins (dad’s side).

Does anyone recognise what I’ve described here, and what did you do about it? School certainly haven’t raise any issues. He’s very bright, very funny (loves stand up comedy and had no problem following jokes), empathetic and oh so very handsome. I love his bones. Is there any point adding a label?

There is as it will help people understand him more, and he may be entitled to extra things at school. Being young, these things often are put down to being young, but when he gets to high school the difference might be more obvious. If there is a diagnosis to be had I’d be wanting it before he moves to high school

Urgh.

It's not a label: it's a medical diagnosis.

Would you be asking if you should take him for an X-ray with a suspected broken leg? No, of course not. Yes if you suspect autism you should have him assessed.

That's said, have you looked at the diagnostic criteria for autism, or are you just looking out for a few traits?

My late diagnosis was life changing. Having it sooner could have prevented so much hurt, trauma and abuse.

Well using the term “label” is going to illicit a storm of repetitive explaining about how offensive that is. If you think your child has a serious life long neurological condition that impacts every part of his life, then yes, I would say it’s a good idea to see the appropriate doctor and get him some help. If you don’t, then no it won’t help at all.

The idea of a ‘label’ is problematic, but poeople should give OP a break. She’s not asking out of malice. It can feel a bit like a label when you’re talking about a kid who would likely have been ‘Aspergers’ and isn’t currently struggling at school.

Some late diagnosed folks feel like an earlier diagnosis would have saved a lot of pain. Some wonder if it would have led to them not being pushed to succeed, not being given as many opportunities, being discriminated against. I can see both sides.

OP if you’re concerned, and given there’s family history, it’s probably worth investigating. I think these days, it is more likely that a diagnosis will lead to better understanding and support than to discrimination for a kid who’s currently managing as well as your DS. I’d start by raising it with his class teacher and Senco and see what they have to say.

It's not a label.

It's a diagnosis that opens doors for support that can make a major difference at various points across a lifetime.

I've resisted formal diagnosis for my 11yo as he's received a lot of the necessary supports without it and he's got a very atypical presentation, so I've been concerned that the supports offered might be less useful for him. However with high school on the horizon it was time. My daughter has had a diagnosis since she was six and without it getting her the help she's needed to thrive wouldn't have been possible.

My DD is 23 and has just received a diagnosis. I wish I had begun to piece things together as you have when she was younger and saved a lot of mental anguish for her. The diagnosis path is hard and long, and the sooner you get on it, whatever the outcome, the better.

The idea of a ‘label’ is problematic, but poeople should give OP a break.

Actually I think under the circumstances that OP has posted it is vital that they hear our words. Our stories. Our life experiences.

It sounds like you think Asperger’s was a much lighter diagnosis than is correct. If someone starts talking about “labels” in this context many people will be extremely wary of responding because it’s what trolls drop in to upset disabled people. @misslooloo needs to know that.
No diagnoses will be available unless the child is significantly disabled by his condition.

If you think the OP is a troll you should report her post.

The OP mentions a family history of autism. If she is closely related to somebody whose autism came along with developmental delays, general learning disabilities etc. then she is likely to feel very odd talking about her DS as she has described him being equally 'disabled'. I know that because it is my situation too.

My ds has profound autism (pick another term if you don't like profound but this gets across his level of need etc). If he didn't have as many needs and could get by without the dx I wouldn't push for it that way he could make that decision when he gets older. Having a dx can limit some carers, create discrimination etc. What I would do is make sure his needs are being met. I'd consider asking for an ehcp assessment so his needs can be detailed and any provision required detailed also.

He does not need to be behind academically to get an ehcp. I'd ask for an OT assessment as part of the EHCPNA and ask that the OT is able to assess for sensory needs. SALT assessment to make sure he understands nuances and help possibly with routine and a ed psych assessment too. All reasonable given what you've wrote. At ten years you'll be looking st high schools soon and you may find any differences become more apparent in that environment. I'd request the ehcpna asap. The assessment should flag if any professionals think similar. If he is he may need support.

Good luck OP.

If you think the OP is a troll you should report her post.

Who are you talking to here? I can't see anyone saying this

Thank you

Thank you for your considered response.

Thank you for your kind response.

If he is Autistic it is part of what makes him who he is, he may want to know that one day. I know a few Autistic adults who sought diagnosis as adults and déeply wished they'd know sooner so their path in life could have been different.

Another reason for getting an assessment done is that if he's Autistic he may as he gets older need support. Things like social skills get more complex as children grow up, children who have previously masked well can become unable to bare the ongoing cost of doing so and can end up in crisis.

The problem with waiting to see if he needs support is that by the time you know for sure and get on the waiting lists you could need support immediately and be facing an 18+ month wait for an assessment. I'm not in the UK, but from everything I've read on here you have the same long waits for assessment.

I put my DD on a waiting list for assessment as soon as I suspected she was Autistic like her brothers. It took about 20 months, by that time she was falling apart, partly from masking and partly because she felt different from everyone else, was missing social cues, felt confused and like there was something wrong with her because she couldn't fit in (all her words). She wanted to know so desperately. We finally got support but she went through and is still going through a lot because of the time spent without a diagnosis.

You DS sounds a lot like my youngest with with the way he socialises. DS2 is also a very huggy boy, gets on fine with other children but play is restricted to a couple of specific friends. He loves rules around play, is really bright. Myolder boy struggles with transitions and really needs strict routine. The black and white thinking, specific barber only, wanting to stick to a routine to point of eating something different to be on time, the social stuff do long to possible are certainly flags for possible Autism. I won't pretend the world is free of judgement, but it is more accepting then it used to be. Lack of diagnosis can shape lives just as much as discrimination can. If he is Autistic it is part of who he is, ignoring that doesn't change anything and can do a lot of harm.

Hi Misslooloo, I would like to know if you have taken any decisions regarding diagnosis. I am going through a similar situation with my nearly 15 year old son. Also, I don't know where to go and whom to ask about the assessments. I tried a couple of clinics and both are closed to appointments until Easter 2024!