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Moved house, 3yo wants to 'go home'

14 replies

PlateSpinner23 · 13/06/2023 08:15

I think I'm looking for some reassurance more than an answer. We moved house on Saturday, into our first owned home. We're only about 10 minutes from the old house, and my 3yo is still going to the same childminder, largely same routine etc

Ever since Sunday morning though, he is regularly asking to go home. Please reassure me he'll get used to the new house soon? All his toys and things are unpacked already.

I'm very nearly pregnant and feeling emotional as it is, and every time he says it it breaks my heart.

OP posts:
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Hairbrushhandle · 13/06/2023 08:18

He'll get used to it. Maybe ask how he wants his new room decorated and get some wall decals or paint to make it his?

ThatFraggle · 13/06/2023 08:19

Nearly pregnant? Did it autocorrect 'heavily pregnant'?

mynameiscalypso · 13/06/2023 08:19

We had exactly this when we moved at Christmas. My 3 year old spent a couple of weeks saying that he wanted to go to his 'old home'. We moved about 5 mins away so everything else was the same for him. It just took him a while to get used to it. Within a month, he stopped saying it and would just sometimes point to photos and say 'that was in our old home' but has no interest in going back. I'm sure it will pass.

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Roselilly36 · 13/06/2023 08:35

My DS1 was exactly the same, when we moved he was 2 and a half, DS2 was 7mths. We had moved from a smaller property into a very large family home, and I think the size of the house may have been one of the reasons why it was overwhelming for him. He soon settled, we lived there for nearly 18 years, when we downsized & relocated, DS1 still wasn’t keen on moving! He did settle really quickly in our new city. He has never liked change. It will be fine OP, try not to worry Flowers

PlateSpinner23 · 13/06/2023 08:36

Thanks everyone. Hopefully it will pass. @ThatFraggle That was supposed to say 'recently' 😅 I'm only 5 weeks.

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LittleBrownBaby · 13/06/2023 08:37

My advice would be to show him everything in the new house. This is where your coat goes, this is where your toothbrush is etc. my little girl was the same and she ended up bursting into tears and just saying ..... I don't know where anything is anymore.

PlateSpinner23 · 13/06/2023 09:22

@LittleBrownBaby Oh bless her. Thanks for the advice.

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Wicksytricksy · 13/06/2023 10:31

We had this with DD. We moved 3 years ago and she still asks about the old house! Apparently it was much nicer than this house 🤷

She got used to the new place pretty quickly and she's been enjoying helping decorate. We did her bedroom first (just a quick paint and new carpet job) about a month after we moved so it felt more like hers.

BertieBotts · 13/06/2023 10:41

Making a story book can be good at this age. Make up a little booklet with folded/stapled paper. Include photos or drawings (bad drawings are fine, just include some recognisable feature e.g. blue door, red hair, favourite toy) of the old house and your family. You always want to start the story with "This is X. X lives with his mummy, daddy, little brother etc" and a photo or drawing of all of you.

Then you do some pictures of the old house. "They lived in a house in X. It had a garden, 2 bedrooms, child's bedroom was blue, it was near the park etc"

One day, the family decided that they needed a new house. They looked at lots of different houses, but none were quite right (include some pictures of silly houses, maybe with reasons - too old, too skinny, too scary, too smelly).

Eventually, they found their perfect new house. It has a bigger garden, more bedrooms, closer to grandparents (whatever positive features about the new house). Child was able to choose the colour for his new room.

Sometimes child felt sad. He missed his old house. He missed the street and his friends and the shop. When he feels sad, he can talk to mum/dad and look at pictures of the old house. It can take time to get used to a new house. Sometimes a new house can feel strange.

But soon, the new house will start to feel like home too. We'll have Christmases and birthday parties and special teas and lots of games and fun together. Include picture of whole family smiling with new house.

BertieBotts · 13/06/2023 10:44

And it's OK for him to feel sad. It takes time to process a new house and any change can be difficult. Him having the experience of missing the old house and then getting used to and getting excited about and starting to attach to the new house is all positive, even though it's hard in the short term. It's important that he does go through all those stages and learns that feelings (even when difficult) are OK. Because there will be many times in life where he will have to move on from things and it can really help to have a stable foundation of this is OK, I can get through this experience, even though it's hard.

Hazelnuttella · 13/06/2023 10:46

It must be really unsettling but they will get used to it. Don’t shy away from talking about the old house if that’s what they are thinking about a lot. It won’t make it worse, it will make them feel acknowledged.

Also I completely empathise about feeling emotional in early pregnancy, it’s a stressful time.

Sunnydaysareuponus · 13/06/2023 10:47

When we moved ds was 7. Sobbed for weeks. And weeks. Def not suggesting this but looking back it was a sign of ASD that we missed. Along with dozens more. Luckily your ds just seems' homesick' op.
.

crumpet · 13/06/2023 10:53

Have you got any books (or from library) about moving house? They might help.

helpfulperson · 13/06/2023 13:20

In some ways it probably would have been easier if everything had changed. He's probably wondering why his house is the only thing that's changed. I agree about reminding him where everything is. Is everything unpacked or are some of his toys still in boxes?

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