Baby no longer feeds to sleep…help

[Peanutbutteryday]

My Dc is 7 months and ebf. When she was born she was always fed to sleep - naps, night time, night wakings. It worked well and it was easy.

Around 2/3 months she stopped feeding to sleep in the day - it wasn’t working. She now can nap in the day only if I push her in the pram. Fine.

She’s now showing signs of wanting to stop feeding to sleep at bed time (ie it’s no longer working as well). Fine by me. But how do I get her to sleep….I put her in her cot tired and it’s as if she’s really trying her hardest to get herself to sleep..but just can’t quite manage it… she will cry.

I don’t want to sleep train. Any tips from other ebf babies?! Or is a bit of crying and winging normal?

PS no comments on “making a rod for my own back.” I was and am pleased with our decision to feed to sleep as I felt it was the best thing for my daughter and I always said I’ll stop doing it on my daughters terms.. which seems to be now or coming up.

Thank you

My 9 month old also stopped feeding to sleep about a month ago. He is still fed back to sleep if he wakes during the night but for naps and bedtime he won’t fall asleep now being breastfed. Instead I usually have to rock him or bounce with a bum pat. If I’m really lucky he will fall to sleep in his cot snuggling a muslin but only if I time it just right and he’s not overtired. Have you tried patting/shushing when she’s lying in the cot?

thanks. Glad it’s not just us. Yes I have tried that. She either thinks it’s a game or does the “very nearly asleep but just can’t make it thing.” Possibly I need to carry on for longer but I hate it when she’s upset and not being cuddled.

What do you mean it's not working? Mine have gone through phases of coming on and off until falling asleep after over an hour. I'd say that's still working just loooong!

My 7mo is doing similar, also the heat has messed nap/sleep times up so it's all a bit of a mess. I've had some limited success with putting her in a bouncer with the vibration on, putting dummy in (x10000 as she pulls it out 😬), and bouncing to sleep. I leave her in it for half an hour then move her to her cot. Following for other ideas!

I’m happy with long. We’ve always taken around an hour to get honest. She now just seems to get frustrated. And not sleeping. Grrr. May be it’s the heat to be fair. But either way I am conscious she won’t be fed to sleep forever and at some point I need to think about how she may be able to sleep with out it.

Put her down and leave her. A bit of grizzling is a babies way of shutting down their systems to get to sleep. They cant read a book or have a glass of wine to relax at the end of a hard day of being a baby, so their brains sometimes need 10 mins of grizzling to turn off. It replaces the suck suck which she was using. Be thankful that she is switching, it means you are not going to have a 2 yr old that wont sleep without bf like another poster

If she cries when you leave her in bed, sit beside the cot in plain sight with your back to her. Dark room, white noise etc. No communication, no eye contact.

Lots of patience. I spent hours sitting by my son's bed when he was that age because he WOULD NOT go to sleep by himself.

Look at pick up out down.

I agree that grizzling is pretty normal and not the same as upset crying and in need of comforting, are you able to distinguish between them with her?

Thanks will take a look. Yes it’s definitely grizzling to be honest. I just struggle 🙈 I will look at pick up put down.

My 9mo son is fed to sleep at night and fed back to sleep overnight.

If he doesn't want a feed, he will be rocked/bounced back to sleep.

A bit like your little one, there are times where he's basically asleep, put down in his cot and is drowsy but awake and fighting sleep. It's then that I try and feed him, and usually because he's halfway there and snoozy he accepts and is fed back to a deeper sleep.

Have you tried that? Kind of breaking it up a bit with a bit of rocking etc then trying a feed again a while later?

Rock her but in the cot: hand on her and waggle. Or shush-pat. Or cuddles in a chair. Or put her down and leave her for longer than you’re currently doing. You know how babies do that funny groaning when they’re settling in the sling/pram? That’s what you want to hear. In the sling/pram it feels like you’re actively helping so you don’t mind any grizzling, it’s harder to hear when they’re in the cot because you’re like “my baby! You need help!” Trust that she’s settling and leave it a bit longer. If she doesn’t settle try the shush, the hand, the waggle, stroking her head, singing. Basically anything you can bear to do for months then gradually withdraw from.

(Don’t be tempted, unless she actually needs it like my dreadful firstborn, to do the full Riverdance rocking and jiggling. Because they keep getting bigger! And you have to keep doing it!)

I’m actually looking forward to DS no longer feeding to sleep because it’ll force me to try other ways/he’ll be ready for other ways. And then he might sleep better! This could be the start of great sleep for you! My daughter definitely slept better once we moved to cuddle to sleep, better still when she fell asleep by herself.

But also yes the heat is a bastard and no baby I know is sleeping well right now! If you’re sure she’s got a clean nappy, full tummy, well winded, and isn’t teething or ill, let her grizzle a bit. If it usually takes a looooong time to sleep when she’s feeding to sleep, it’ll take that long grizzling too!

If she is just grizzling leave her to it!

Intervene when she is actually upset/unhappy.

thank you really helpful

i really resonated with this:

In the sling/pram it feels like you’re actively helping so you don’t mind any grizzling

Thanks everyone. Sounds like I may need to be a bit stronger when I know she is only grizzling as opposed to crying/upset. Will have a think :)

Feeding to sleep stopped working for my ebf baby at around the same age too. I just swapped to a new soothing schedule of cuddling, patting and shushing on me. She fought it for the guest couple of weeks - cried and grizzled for ages before crashing - but now she starts drifting off almost as soon as I start patting as a new association had been made.

Once she's asleep I just gently pop her down in her crib. She usually doesn't wake up but if she does she just babbles a bit to herself then drifts off on her own.

My DD pretty much always fed to sleep and I loved it cause it was always so easy.
My DS is 5 months and rarely falls to sleep when he feeds. He likes to be rocked/bounced or we walk round with him till he drifts off. It's a pain but he just wants to look at everything all the time, he gets so distracted and has major FOMO 🤣
DD went through a phase around 6 months of not falling to sleep so she was rocked but around 8 months or so she started feeding to sleep again.
Fingers crossed it comes back for you.

I always found everything was a phase and always tried to find new ways on getting DD to nap.
Try rocking, singing, bouncing, dancing...basically try everything and one of them will work for your DC and then continue with that until the next phase comes along. X

If she's just grizzling, I'd leave her be, it's normal to take some time to fall asleep. If she starts crying, you could go in and pat her, talk to her quietly and see if that helps.