Fruit & veg - at what age did you insist that your dc HAD to eat them?

[laura032004]

DS1 is 4 in April, and doesn't currently eat any solid fruit or vegetables that he knows about. He gets his 5 a day via purees, casseroles, stew and fruit juices.

We've started insisting that he tries one tiny spoonful of mashed carrot/swede at Sunday lunch, but that's about the only time we do this. He's frequently offered fruit & veg, but always declines them. Peer pressure hasn't helped - he won't eat anything at nursery either. Even touching/kissing is virtually a no go.

We've just had a battle for half an hour over one pea - he has put two in his mouth, but gagged and spat them out. I've told him that he will be going straight to bed if he doesn't eat them.

DS2 is showing signs of going the same way, even though DH and I eat copious quantities of F&V.

What did you do if you had the same problems?

Off to bath DS2 and put DS1 to bed now Back later.

Message withdrawn

I am not sure that pressure is the way forward, It can make meal times very negative. It can become a battle of wills and the child will not eat the veg to annoy to the parents.

I would continue to offer fruit and veg and think about what your child is eating during the rest of the day. For example does your child eat a lot of bread? Do they drink a lot of milk. Do they snack on things like biscuits. How much meat are you giving them?

Rather than punishments I would just let your child go hungry if they don't eat. A toddler will not starve themselves to death if they choose not to eat. If the child is a drama queen then I would just remove the plate.

When your child is competely and utterly ravenous two hours after the proper meal time then you will find they will eat anyting.

Don't punish him about his dinner! For goodness sake, "Going straight to bed" is a punishment for a fairly major transgression in this house, not for the misfortune of having a dislike of peas and a strong gag reflex!

Come on, you don't want to be having this battle, and it's your decision to have it.

You are lining up for major problems if you punish for personal tastes.

I wouldn't make a battle out of it to be honest, half an hour to eat one pea?! What's the point, you are just re-enforcing the negative association he has with fruit and veg. It won't help the matter.

Keep offering, put a bit on his plate, encourage him to try a bit, but don't make any comments or an issue out of it. If he's getting his five a day don't worry too much. Forcing the issue isn't going to make him suddenly start eating them through choice that's for sure.

Don't. I remember a meal I had as a 13 year old where my mum said if I didn't eat my sprouts I could get down from the table. I got down. But not only that, she lost it and threw a jug of water at me which totally missed and I started laughing (silently - but you could have seen my shoulders shaking). Then she really lost it and pulled me down the stairs and I kicked her. As you can see I have never forgotten the incident. Mealtimes were often a bit of a nightmare. My ds is 4 and often won't eat veg but I just let him get down now - he knows he doesn't get pudding if he doesn't eat a little bit of everything on his plate and that's the deal. dd on the other hand loves her fruit and veg and I don't consider I've done anything different with her - she just is different.
I should add that ds won't eat casseroles, stews, purees (although will drink fruit juice with breakfast) so you are doing fine and really shouldn't worry!

Oh and yes, don't for goodness sake punish him for not eating them! That's a recipe for disaster and not fair imo. You wouldn't treat an adult like that or force an adult to eat somethin they don't like would you?

i dont punish my ds i reward any effort as if it becomes fun and enjoyable they are more likely to want to try

he has always been good though with his fruit and veg so dont have to much trouble but if he doesnt want something i'll say well done for trying and leave it at that just give your ds home made smoothies make them together so he can taste fruit as it goes in

get him to help prepare food and let him have little taste as you go along make it fun and less scary he may enjoy it

and reward any little effort made no matter how small

Every time you make him eat a bit of veg he it will cause more of an issue. To him at the moment there is probably no issue about veg, he just doesn;t want it!
If you carry on, he;ll start to think ther eis an issue.
Just dish it up, every day, he'll try it eventually, also try taking him shopping, let him choose fresh veg and prepare it with you, make him see it isn't something to be scared of.
Also at his age his taste buds have recently changed so it probably tastes rather rank to him, try honey glazing some carrots and parsnips or something.
But please do not fight him about this.
It's just a case of him becoming comfortable with them, once he realises they are on his plate every day and everyone else eats them he will probably start to try them, try to ignore it if he does as well, a great big cheer over a pea might make him wonder what's so great about them.
Green giant is DS's fave btw cos he likes the tin.

I just stick them on the plate - they're encourage to eat them "are you going to have some x,y,z" but if they don't eat them I don't make a big deal out of it.

I'm sure there used to be a time when neither DS1 or 2 would really eat their veg but 8/10 they eat them now

I couldn't bear to fight over peas. I've never insisted. If I had children who refused, I'd do the hiding business - in pasta sauces and smoothies and stuff like that.

Laura, any chance he might like them raw? I hated cooked veg as a child, but would happily eat raw carrot, cauliflower, etc when mum was preparing dinner. Then she just didn't put any of the cooked stuff on my plate at dinner time. Was win-win for us - and I love lots of veg now. But still hate cooked cauli...

It's very hard, but the other posters are right - you just can't make em eat, and it's the only thing kids have control over. I had this (not about fruit and veg, but about any new foods) with my 2.6 DD a month or so ago. I started to lose my temper, took toys away, sent her to bed, then posted on MN as I knew I was going down the wrong path....and had probably watched too much Dr Tanya....if your kid eats, and gets the vits and mins he needs from clever mummy hiding them, then PLEASE don't push the issue. It's too depressing. I just reverted to giving my DD the foods she was happy with and gradually, she has started to try something new now and again. She doesn't always like it, but she will give it a go. We are both SO much happier. Be honest with yourself - are you just trying to live up to some imagined General Public Opinion that your DS ought to be eating fruit and veg that he knows about, rather than what he doesn't? I didn't really elect to start eating fruit and veg until I was about 13 and could really understand the benefits of eating healthily - and my parents had always shown the best example. I used to stuff all my sprouts or cooked carrots in my mouth, excuse myself from the table, then spit them down the toilet during mealtimes. You really don't want DS going down this road - if he doesn't want, no amount of punishment or cajolling with help.

He didn't end up going to bed. He really wanted a bath with DS2, so ate the pea. Without chewing it. He's now said he will eat a pea every day, so long as he doesn't have to chew them. Is that a start???

KOMH - He's been offered fruit and veg from the start of weaning. He was never keen, and somewhere along the line stopped eating them all together.

Reallytired - He more or less just eats his meals on a week day. He has a big good breakfast (which varies between porridge, weetabix, cheerios or rice-crispies), a packed lunch at pre-school (sandwich, crisps, fruit juice & yoghurt) and then dinner. His dinner normally takes the form of something mixed with pasta or rice, as then I can add the veg (very very finely chopped). We don't really do meat and veg meals very often, as he ends up just eating the meat, and possibly a chopped up roast potato (if it looks sufficiently wedge-chip like). He never has things like chicken nuggets / fish fingers and the like as he doesn't eat them.

I really don't think he would eat fruit or veg even if I let him get really hungry. He hates even the thought of it. Perhaps it's gone too far, and we're going to end up needing a psychologist (MIL's opinion tonight).

Colditz - it's not a dislike of peas, it's every fruit and vegetable going. There isn't anything he eats now, apart from wedge shaped potatoes and parsnips (which he thinks are chips).

So would you just leave it completely and let him not eat any fruit or veg at all (which is what we are doing at the moment).

x-posts there - mid reading bedtime stories. Will post again in a bit. Thanks for all the replies so far.

some kids hate veg and fruit, some don't mind it, and some honestly like them.

My dd is five and I gave up the battle when she was very young, as it just cuased upset, and she was/is a very picky eater.

I won't force my dd, who hates the very idea/look of/ smell of ( yes) to eat veg.

If she wants to try some of her own accord one day thats fine.

My sis is a chef, and a real foodie. She did not eat ANY vegetable till she was about 8, and even now she absolutely loathes peas.

Peas are an aquired taste imo.

I try to go with the rule that they should try everything on their plate. Especially with DD (same age - 4 in May) who can be whimsical in her likes/dislikes. But it sounds like that is all you are doing. So try everything and they will get, erm, fruit/yoghurt/whatever pudding.

With DS though I have accepted that he doesn't like mushrooms and allow him to pick them out of casseroles etc. I do not do him a special mushroom free version of anything. And given that he eats a great long list of fruit/veg/salad stuff I think that is OK. DD bizarrely loves mushrooms and will often request DS's rejects.

I wouldn't force any of my dc to eat anything they didn't like. I wouldn't like to be forced to eat food that made me gag either.

But a lot of 3yos say they don't like food, but the dislike comes a long way short of making them gag. There are degrees in these things but whilst it might be best for the OP to steer clear of peas for now, no reason why she shouldn't try a different veg that he might have a less strong aversion to.

At aged 5 - 6, my diet consisted of tomato ketchup on white bread with the crusts cut off, usually eaten in my room or in the garden where nobody could look at me.

This was because my mother had pestered and pestered and pestered over every single thing I did or did not put in my mouth, that I decided it was easier not to eat full stop - and nearly ended up in hospital with malnutrition induced croup. (so my mother says)

It was the family doctor who told her she was giving me an eating disorder and that she had to stop it now while I was young enough for not too much damage to be done.

I eat now. I eat everything put in front of me. Regardless of whether I like it or not.

I am also clinically obese.

Oh Colditz

It's ok. She really didn't mean to. She has a F88888D up idea of portion size herself - and she was really trying to do her best.

And she had the self contol to leave me be and let me subsist on crap when she needed to, when it must have been screaming against her every instinct to feed me properly.

I am on weight watchers now, and have dropped 2.5 BMI points.

This I truly believe is because i can't load my plate! LOL

Thanks for all these replies. I think you've given me the confidence to go on with the way we do things.

Just to make it clear, I'm not making a big deal just over peas. If he ate other types of fruit and veg, I'd be a very happy mummy, but he doesn't eat any (that he knows about). It's just tonight it happened to be peas on his plate.

We'll just keep putting stuff on his plate, and letting him leave it without comment. He does get upset sometimes if he can see the veg in his casseroles etc (i.e. if there's a bit of red pepper visible in his spag bol), but I make him eat it even so, as I can't let him get away with too much, or he'd be eating nothing. That's not too much of a fuss though, just a minor sulk.

He isn't doing this to be a pain, I think he's got a real issue with fruit and veg. He doesn't dislike the taste as he likes the taste of fruit yoghurts, fruit juice, veg puree on toast with cheese (pizza ). It's getting worse and worse though. There was a time when he'd eat pots of fruit puree (the baby stuff), raisins, and even peas, but he won't even touch any of these now.

I didn't like most veg as a child, but had to eat it. I always ate it first, and then had my 'meat' as a 'treat' at the end. I just wondered if DS1 was at an age when I should start doing this, but maybe he's not yet. I now love veg, raw and cooked, and I suppose feel a bit of a failure because DS1 doesn't. Like I've done something wrong along the line.

Have you thought of letting him grow some veg? You don't need much space, you can manage in pots.

laura children of 4 should not be eating purees and do not generally have problems with touching/kissing (I don't know whether you're talking about food here or people but either way). This does suggest there is a real issue with control and the fact that your younger child is following this example is also worrying. I really recommend Tanya Byron's advice on children and eating. There's a BBC book called House of Tiny Tearaways I think.

She suggests that children who have issues with control and food esp those who are worried who are very anxious about trying new foods or getting messy etc often have parents who are particulary anxious about their children's eating, food in general or anxious in general. Can you relate to this?

It's a good idea to just try and relax and make food fun. Encourage playing with food, mess, dunk, dip, make pizzas, smily fruit salad faces etc etc. You could try picking the food together (e.g strawberry picking or buy a tomato plant) and preparing it together. But also just to put the plate on the table and make sure your children see you eating and enjoying food. Do encourage eating but don't engage in any sort of threats or fussing at all. Never hover over your child, feed him or wipe him. Just let him get on with it. If he doesn't eat take it away without any fuss at all. Don't give alternatives or snacks and just try again next meal time.

Food should never be a source of conflict but pleasure. Reward good eating habits and ignore the bad.

Also your title and previous post are quite revealing. I never 'insist' on any sort of eating and fruit and vegetables are not presented in any sort of different way from any other sort of foods in our house. Offering pudding or 'nice' foods as a reward for eating those 'nasty' vegetables sends out all the wrong messages. You must present vegetables and fruit as yummy foods just like any other sorts of foods. They should be presented as part of or with any other foods and never stop offering them just because a child refuses at first.