Can anyone recommend a parenting book if you have ASD child and parents are also possibly ASD?

[DuranNotSpandeau]

We are struggling. DS is pre-teen and we are all very fixed, stubborn, prone to reacting if we misunderstand someone due to unspoken assumptions, unclear communication or differing interpretations. This is something DS is finding really hard to deal with (us arguing about approach/decisions) as it's creating instability for him.

We need to work out how, as parents, to improve our communication with eachother but also build a consistant approach to help DS. So I'm not sure if we just need a general relationship book or one that also takes into account our needs/difficulties that might be coming about due to ASD with one/both of us.

Can anyone recommend anything that they found useful?

Yes to all. Can't recommend "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" highly enough.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1848123094

Thank you. I've always heard good things about this book, so I will order it.

Do you also have ASD within the family and found the book helped even though it's not specifically about that?
Did you also find it helped you and your partner's own relationship?

Sorry for all the questions. We are up shit creek at the moment so it's hard to know what to tackle first/how to improve everything at the same time.😂😫

Yes to all those questions. Definitely you can use the ideas between all members of the family. And it has helped in all those different ways.

It has summaries at the end of each chapter, so you could start by skimming those?

We are a neurodiverse family and I second the How to talk book. Really helps with good communication habits.

Thank you so much. It's on my reserve list at the library already.😀

Slightly more controversially, I really got a lot from " Don't shoot the Dog" by Karen Pryor. It's a book about training animals and also how to understand behaviour and using gentle training in other contexts like kids, adults and yourself!
I used it to help me devise methods of encouraging positive behaviour and avoid negative behaviours. Its nothing to do with ABA.

Ha ha, that sounds interesting, I'll have a look!
What does ABA mean?

Applied behavioural something, is a type of " therapy" that was popular with people trying to "cure" autism and involved very repetitive training exercises that verged on cruelty.

Ah I see. Thanks.

I'm another one who's going to recommend "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" Both DD and I are Autistic ( and have ADHD), although we were both undiagnosed when I read the book. I found it a great help at the time

Oh that's great to hear that you found it useful too. Might have to get two copies so we can read it simultaneously!