Is it worth moving nursery for one year?

[Lelophants]

I’m in a real conundrum so I’m hoping the wise women of mumsnet can help me.

DC 3.5 has been at a local daycare setting since he was nearly 2 (so around 18 months). He only ever did a few mornings. Honestly it has been so up and down, not because of there being anything wrong with the staff but the pure lack of them and general nursery changeover issues, the fact dc was a covid baby and took a really long time to settle. We’ve had up and down moments since he’s been there and one thing that’s happened is that every time he’s changed room it’s been really, really hard. Like months of bad behaviour and upset. And he’s changed room three times! There was some question of asd which has been put aside for now as apparently he doesn’t meet enough standards to be considered. The good thing is he’s now been in his new room for about 6 months now and he’s finally settled again. He’s actually really happy! And there are no more room changes until school so a part of me is saying YES this is it now and he should stay here (even though we still have behavioural issues at times and I’m sure his key worker will change again at one point).

At the same time, we’ve just got a place at a very good nursery preschool. He can start in September. The nursery looks amazing and is very highly rated. It has so much outdoor play, loads of specialist staff, a really lovely ethos and a really big SEN team.

Would you pull DC out of his current nursery to start here? I’m really scared of moving him especially for just a year, but it could be amazing for him, especially if they can work out his behavioural SEN issues which still seem to be baffling the current daycare. I’m just that worried the issues are just DC and that this will be no better for him especially for just one year. I’m also scared of how he would cope with the change and if it would tip him over the edge again. Another slight negative is it’s term time only and shorter days. How would you know if it is worth it?

Neither nursery feeds into a particular school, both are similar distance.

My DS is in his final year at nursery but most of his peers left last year to move to a preschool for a year before Reception. I don't really know why as the nursery is great but it didn't seem to unsettle any of the children who have moved. People come and go and lot at the nursery stage I found and children quickly adapt to new people and new settings.

It sounds worth moving for given their expertise in SEN and your current setting sounding a bit out of their depth with it.

Though have you looked for a school nursery, to potentially change to a setting where he will also go to school? I’m sure you have, but just throwing it out there as it would mean only one change.

Thanks for this! Funnily enough the two schools we are considering don’t have a nursery attached 🤦‍♀️ otherwise I would be doing just this!

In the right setting and with him being older I would imagine he would settle quicker. I would go with the new setting if that’s what your fur is saying - a year is a long time when your at preschool age!

Go with your gut. My autistic 3.5 year old had lots of ups and downs with the childminder and it turned out it was the wrong setting for her. She’s at home in a school setting and has thrived at a nursery attached to a school. On the other hand, my friends autistic little boy has always hated group educational settings, including a preschool.

I moved youngest to preschool for a year before school. She hated nursery (no real reason. Dc1 loved it same nursery, same staff)
She loved preschool and it was well worth the move despite not going to school with anyone other than a couple of boys who she’s never been friends with. If he’s not happy at nursery I’d probably move

My gut is telling me to keep him where he is for the ease of it and perhaps selfishly because I’m worried what the change will be like. I’m worried that’s not in his best interest longterm though. I also want to make sure he is prepared for school.

OP, if there's a likelihood that your child is autistic, I'd really recommend choosing his primary for its SEN expertise and inclusivity. IME (with an autistic son), if you can get the right culture and decent SEN provision, the academic / sporting / social stuff will flow from that. If you choose a school because it's got (for example) great sporting facilities but your child struggles with the transitions when changing into sports kit and therefore comes to dread PE, it all unravels.

I just wanted to jump back in to say, going with your gut tends to be a good idea. You know your son better than anyone. If he's settled and happy there, that is also important.

What are the behavioural issues? Is there any way you could seek private help on this matter?

Could you ask the nursery if they have a SEN lead, and try and get regular meetings with them? Once they know there is a more proactive parent, they may step up and try and improve training or support for SEN issues (maybe this is idealistic, who knows).

You could (I don't know if they would like this) try and get involved in SEN networks in your local authority and see what training or support the local authority might offer nurseries and see if the nursery's SEN lead has any appetite for getting more involved themselves?

What I'm trying to say is, if you want to stay, but try and offer your DC more support, there may be ways of doing that. I can understand if you're quite worried about a transition for your DC considering how bad it was at first.