Talking to a 5yo about death

[Sweetlikechocolatee]

Does anyone have any advice about talking to children about death? My 5yo will occasionally bring up the subject, usually at bed time, and I’m finding it hard to be matter-of-fact with her about it but without scaring her.

Tonight she was saying she wants to be a kid forever and is scared of dying because she wouldn’t see me, and what if it’s dark forever 😥It doesn’t help that I have the same anxiety and now I’m feeling so sad.

I say:
most people die when very old
that what happens after death is up for debate, some believe in heaven, other in reincarnation, some believe there’s nothing- what do you believe? (Usually involves a unicorn)
i keep it very vague and basic and also in the flow of any other conversation rather than having to sit and explain.

if they keep bringing it up I’d ask what’s brought it up and see if I could tackle the worry from the source

Try reading Goodbye Mog.

Thank you. About a year ago she went through a phase of talking about it a lot but it was the same time as her baby brother was born so I guess it tied in with that. She’s started talking about it again but I do wonder if it’s a bedtime stalling tactic (maybe that’s me being cynical!) as she usually gets over it quickly but leaves me thinking about it all night!

I think it's healthy to talk about it to be honest. When I lost a parent the heartbreaking thing was DS thinking they just didn't want to see them anymore so had to talk to them about the concept of death etc younger than planned. It is a part of life though. There is a bluey episode about a dead bird which is quite good.

We had this when the kids' grandma died, then health anxiety during covid, then when the cats died (old age).

I was fairly matter of fact about it, and told them that no one knows exactly what happens next, but here are some things people think... with heaven, reincarnation, that kind of thing. We discussed what they thought of those ideas, and looked up online what evidence there was - leaning very heavily towards the more reassuring stuff! So seeing a light, out of body experiences that suggest a soul that can continue, past life regression.

They can learn to be more rational about it when they are old enough to cope with the bleakness.

Gosh mine went through a phase of talking about death everyday for weeks!! It was so depressing! He’d wake up full on crying during the night with death anxiety! But he just wanted to make sure i wouldn’t die first, and who would cook him dinner if I died, who would look after his little brother, would I go in a box in the ground. It was all very dark there for a hot minute but I think once he got the answers he just happily moved on. I just told him the truth and he was happy enough with that.

She doesn’t seem too bothered about me dying 😂her fear is that she doesn’t want to get old and die. Which is heartbreaking!