PARENTAL BURNOUT?!?!

[ClaudiaRoseAitken]

Reaching out too see if anyone else is in the same or similar position or has been… in tears writing this but I hope it helps too vent!

Parental burnout?! Been reading into it now and feel like I may have this. I don’t even know where too start so here goes.

I have two beautiful kids, they are ten months apart. My little girl has just turned 3 and my son was 2 in March.. I just want too enjoy them better instead of always feeling stressed, frustrated, exhausted and I feel so guilty that I can’t enjoy my beautiful kids.

Seperated from childrens father in Feb 2022, he always worked abroad before our seperation for 6-16 weeks at a time with only 7-10 days home… he had some time at home during Covid though! But anyways I decided too seperate as I never felt supported or secure with him. He made me and our children homeless, whilst he stayed in the family bought home. We bought the home in December 2020 before our son was born in the March, but I stupidly let himself and his mother talk me into getting everything into his sole name as I would never get accepted for a mortgage being on maternity. I was in a vulnerable position, four weeks after I had our daughter he cheated on me whilst working abroad, when he came home he promised me the world, promised me a beautiful home for our children and I had sex with him drunk and fell pregnant with our son whilst on contraception.. I don’t regret either of my children but I just felt very trapped, so I just wanted a home for our children as private landlords were selling up the home we were in. My final decision for the separation was I had to get major surgery over the Christmas of that year, he got two weeks at home with Christmas and put in for 2 extra weeks of holiday. Once I got out of surgery and a day into recovery he told me he wasn’t taken an extra two weeks of work and was going back early. By day 10 I was left too care for our two young babies, was on video call and he started shouting at me for cracking the bath panel bathing them.. so come that February I made the decision too separate. Asoon as we separated he came home from working abroad, stole the kids of me for six days and I had too go through courts too get them back, then he made us homeless and I felt scared that I was putting my kids in an unsafe environment. I feel because of everything since my daughter being four weeks old iv been running on high stress levels and I’m exhausted.

Anyway, once everything got legally sorted through the solicitors he’s back working abroad. He was having the kids 48 hours every second weekend and now he hasn’t seen them in 12 weeks and won’t be home intill September time. I’m just exhausted, I feel like I have no patience, I feel like I don’t get enjoyment anymore like I used too. I just feel lost. Iv moved away to a completely new place away from my family and friends, I just feel isolated. I didn’t have a car for six months over the winter and honestly it was hell. I had too give up my career I was cabin crew before because I couldn’t manage the hours as a single parent, I now have a job which is around the kids nursery hours two days a week but I hate it. I just feel constantly exhausted from constant housework, caring for two toddlers and holding a job down. I just feel like iv completely lost my identity and don’t know who I am anymore. I hate the emotional, stressed unhappy person I am and I just want to be me again. I’m also so bitter and resentful towards my children’s father and I hate being filled with anger and bitterness. He gets to live a life of freedom and nothing has changed in his life.

Both my kids are up numerous times during the night so I don’t even look forward to bedtimes. Then they are up at 04.30-6.00 ready to start the day. I’m not enjoying the toddler years I much preferred having two babies at once. The constant fighting, crying, struggling is making me depressed. I don’t look forward too days and when I do go for days out it’s not enjoyable just stressful so I just feel like what is the point now. I feel lost. I just want too be happy and enjoy my kids again…

It sounds like you have had it really tough, OP. Useless shitbag of a partner and you’re in the toughest, most exhausting, most thankless years of parenting and coping all alone as well. It’s absolutely no wonder you’re completely done in and a shadow of your former self.
Have you got anything in life that cheers you up and makes you feel like you again, even if just for half an hour a day while the kids have some tv time?
Anyone you can talk to even on the phone that will support you? Can you go out and make some local friends, if you can afford a babysitter get out to do something for yourself one evening a week while someone else does bedtime?
Maybe even have a chat with your GP or self refer for some talking therapy which might help you work out your anger and sadness, and sort your low mood.
These are the hard miles, and you sound so strong to be coping with it all, and have coped with it already for so long. It doesn’t feel like it now but your kids will grow up thinking you’re an absolute warrior, raising them alone, working, leading them by example. You will survive, and you will thrive. You’ve got this!

Honestly I don’t know how you’re putting one foot in front of another, that all sounds utter hell. It’s understandable you are burnt out.

@ItsCalledAConversation ThankYou I really appreciate that. I feel like any free half an hour I have I’m using it to clean or organise as it sadly just drags into another day. Kids are also very clingy and attached to me and want my attention 24/7 so I do actually think looking for a baby sitter even one night a week would help so that’s definitely a thought. Again just an extra expense which I’m struggling as everyone is with the cost of living and ex partner has managed to avoid child maintenance due to being out of jurisdiction! I have been talking with GP and he referred me too a mental health nurse, iv been prescribed all different medication and nothing works and my GP has said it’s no wonder why I’m feeling and thinking the way I do. As much as health professionals try to help I don’t feel anyone can as they all say I’m reacting in a human way and I’m not superwomen. I just hope things eventually get better, and that’s what keeps me going is one day my kids will look at me and appreciate the upbringing I gave them as hard as the days are. ThankYou for your kind words it means a lot.

@CupEmpty yeah that’s what every health professional says too me when I describe everything too them. I tried too reach out too ex partner today and asked him too work from home and his response was ‘this is the life you wanted’ ‘I don’t care about you or your feelings tough shit it is what it is’ anytime I reach out too him as their parent i just feel even lower and regret even giving him the satisfaction of me struggling. Then he continued too brag about when he is eventually home he’s taken the kids on holiday which is so upsetting for me.. I can’t afford too take the kids on holiday and honestly at the moment just feel exhausted and not enjoying even days out but he comes in and out as pleases too have ‘fun’ whilst I’m constantly burnt out.