How do you do it?!

[Twinklegolden]

DP and I are currently babysitting our nephew (15 months) for the weekend. I knew it would be hard but I didn’t think it would be this mentally and physically exhausting!!!

We have our 9 month old puppy with us and my sisters 4 year old dog too so there’s been a lot of making sure the puppy isn’t jumping up at our nephew or stealing his toys etc.

Considering we are two fit(ish!) 30/31 year olds, I honestly didn’t expect it to be this hard. I ache everywhere 😂.

We are TTC and this has been a huge eye opener for us. It’s definitely made me realise the puppy needs more training if we are to have our own baby around. I honestly couldn’t contemplate working and then having a baby to look after afterwards.

Do you get ever get used to it?! How do you cope? Should we put a halt to TTC and have more dogs instead?!

To be honest you all get used to each other. When it's a new situation for one person it's a stress, but when it's new for everyone it's off the scale. Everyone gets overtired and overstimulated and either crashes or goes manic.
Once you have your own you have got into a decent rhythm by that age, and parents are eventually safe and boring (although 15 months it's a little early for safe and boring)
I guess the only concrete thing is it won't be easy, it's different to what you think, and you'll get through it somehow if you stick together!
Good luck!

You do get used to the tiredness. Else why would people go for 2nd, 3rd ++ babies 🤣
You just learn to live with the exhaustion and life is just completely different now.

It is all worth it in my opinion 😀

You also have to remember it's completely different when it's your own child then when babysitting someone else's.

Also you don't get handed a 15 mo right from the get go - you get a baby that does pretty much nothing but eat and poop initially, and build from there.

You are probably doing more intensive 'parenting' this weekend then most people would be doing with a 15 month old who is their own. You haven't had the opportunity to recognise the signs of hunger, tiredness, pooping that a parent has so you end up with a more hyper, hungry, clingy 15 month old. Plus you'll be hyper focused on making sure nothing goes wrong because you don't want to return a broken baby, their parents will be more relaxed.

Thanks everyone, you’ve made me feel a lot better.

Luckily he has a great routine and is generally a happy boy who loves to play, loves his food etc but I have been checking back on the routine constantly to make sure I haven’t missed anything. We are very cautious with wanting to make sure he doesn’t trip over and hurt himself, put something in his mouth he shouldn’t, not putting his hands near puppy’s mouth.

Hats off to all you parents!

it is all SO worth it.

It's luck as to whether you get a chilled child or not. Ds was very easy at the age you describe and not at all very 'here, there and everywhere'. Very happy and easy going and slept 7-7. Dd is a different story! Very energetic and always on the move. Wakes at night. They obviously have the same upbringing so I do believe there isn't much you can do, they each have their own personality. I love them both in a way you can't begin to imagine and I wouldn't change a thing, I love DD's headstrong nature!

Parent of an 18 month old here.
Don't
Have
Kids

Or pets

Screen time helps as does getting out and about. They can't make mess at home if they are not there!

So true, 10 mins of childrens tv here and there has been a saviour! We’ve also been out for a few walks but felt it was too much of a faff to go out in the car with the dogs and pram etc.

I also don’t understand how anyone ever gets housework done?! I’ve been tidying up while he sleeps but when he sleeps I just want to sleep!

Just don't do it. Got 2 DC and haven't had a night sleep for 8 years or even had time to watch a film on my own. Stick with the dogs!

Depends on what sort of baby you get, what your lives are like at the moment, what you’re willing to give up (happily rather than resentfully), what your expectations are how hard you’ll find it.

Best of luck ttc!

Other people’s children are 20 times harder.

You will know your own child inside and out and know exactly what they are thinking, feeling, probably what they are likely to do at that age.

Other children are a complete mystery to me!

Until they turn 3 and go to nursery and then obviously school, I just do less housework to be honest - you have to lower your standards! Don't get me wrong my house is clean and tidy but just not as clean and tidy as before kids. Also you need a decent partner who takes initiative. My dh is always grabbing the hoover whenever he can while I have the kids and we make a great team in that sense. If it wasn't for him I honestly don't know how is hoover as we have no family support and obviously that's one task you can't do when they're in bed.

You just find a way to make it work. Also get kids involved from a young age so that they learn responsibility. My nearly 5 year old tidies his toys (with help) takes his own washing up to the sink, helps make his own bed and is getting really good at stripping it every Friday. It's the norm to him and this is so important to me.

This is debatable.

It's much more exhausting looking after someone else's child as with your own you get into a routine. Also as said your parenting muscles improve with practice and you've had none yet. It's like expecting to run a race with no training. Parenting is tiring but at early 30s you should both be fit and well able for it. The first few months with broken sleep are exhausting but after that it's fine.

Also on the wanting to sleep the whole time thing - you adjust to less sleep. Waking at 6:30am would genuinely feel like a lie in to me which is probably unimaginable to you 😂

Don't have children. You can't undo it. It's relentless. Every day. It's an eye opener.

Your barometer resets and a varying degree of mental and physical exhaustion becomes the new normal. It’s worth it though. Toddlers, especially your own, are flipping great. DS is not at all chill and relaxed and he is still absolutely brilliant (if exhausting). Agree with a PP - you aren’t used to this and you are more anxious because he’s not your own. Your tolerance level for things going a bit tits up will be much lower for your own! The only thing you’d need to overcome is getting out with your dog and your baby in the car - it is a faff but it’s just got to be done for your own sanity!

Honestly this is part of the problem.. instead of just knowing the routines etc, you're having to mentally check back and get it right. You can't just coast at the easy parts!!

It's also very different in terms of falling etc. I took my 21 month old to a friend's today, I used to look after her boy and be constantly on edge for every little bump or fall. She always brushed it off as fine. When I took my DD there she was fretting every time my little moneky tried doing her monkey things but I was completely relaxed because I know what she can do, I know whether she's likely to fall doing that particular thing and I also know she spends half her life bumping into stuff!!
So all of that is to say that your constantly on edge and on guard and can't take the moments to relax here and there.

I looked after my friends 10 week old for 4 days and nearly passed out with exhaustion when I got home. Really made me question whether I could do it myself, but it is absolutely 100% different. Not to say it doesn't have it's hard parts but they're a world away from the mental and physical energy of watching someone else's child.

And no, you never get any house work done 😂

I would say there's quite a difference between having one child and having more than one, especially when they are really little/close in age. That's when you're really pulled in different directions. You could always just stick to having one. It won't be as tough as looking after someone else's as you'll find your groove and routine with it all. It is very hard and you're always tired but they're wonderful too

Ha this should be a prerequisite for any one thinking of having kids! I have two, my husband passed away suddenly when they were 4 and 6 (and we had his gif a puppy too) and my mother too elderly (80s) to help out and siblings lived in another country. It's tough. But you power through because you must. And it's not all hard work! And it's different when it's your own.

I'm not one to talk people in to having kids, so don't ttc if you don't want to. And having kids is really busy and tiring.

However, looking after other people's kids is nothing like having your own. I suppose it's like the difference between being at home with your dp/immediate family, and having guests to stay. You're "on" for the guests in a way you aren't for the usual household members.

This is true. Also, you're environment adapts for the age of your own child. You move and change furniture, put in baby gates, anything breakable gets put up high...etc.

I always found it exhausting staying somewhere else when mine were small because of the unforeseen hazards that needed vigilance. Home was far more relaxed.

Also, they stay small for such a short period of time, so the intense bit isn't forever.