Feel suffocated? Is this normal or do I need help?

[Thaimoon]

So I'll preface this by saying I've not had a good day and maybe that's why I feel particularly bad right now.

My dh is away with work and I'm 6 months pregnant with a 2.5 year old who is hard work at the moment and I couldn't get anyone else to help out today.
I have had hyperemesis with this pregnancy which has required medication until recent weeks.

But I just feel completely suffocated and overwhelmed at the moment, not only by my dd but by my unborn baby too.

I just want to be left alone. I miss my old life so much. I want my body back, I don't want to feel sick or uncomfortable or tired anymore. I want energy to play with my little girl. Im sure she is acting up because she's bored and I can't play properly.

Today she's been hitting the dog, deliberately weeing on the carpets, refusing the food I cook, following me everywhere and making constant demands. Normal toddler stuff, I know. But I didn't handle it calmly or patiently at all and I feel so guilty.

I love my kids so very very much but I'm doing a crap job of being a mum and to be honest I am slightly scared by how much I just want to get away right now

In my first pregnancy I loved feeling all the movements and kicks and things. This time I just feel inside my head, "stop kicking me" - that's not right is it 😢

Sorry to hear you’re having a rubbish time, hyperemesis can really run you down even when the worst of it has passed. Is there any way you can get some childcare to give yourself a break, start DC in nursery/increase hours etc?

Thank you 🙏
She starts preschool soon so hopefully that will help a bit.
But then I will have a newborn and I am worried about coping and my general feeling of not being excited

This is completely normal. It's very hard work and of course sometimes you just think you want to be left alone.

And you're not doing a crap job. Everyone thinks that. I'm not a practical parent at all (now I don't have babies) and I quite often feel I'm not doing what I need to, because I hardly do anything much apart from feeding them and keeping them reasonably entertained. But all the feedback from school is really good. Which makes me think I'm doing something right (and deep down I know they're well adjusted, I am not sure it's much to do with my input apart from letting them know they're loved even when they're driving me bats and I'm shouting at them.)

Ok. Thank you for your very kind reply.
Perhaps I am struggling to get perspective today

Your run down from a difficult pregnancy, little one playing up and then the heat today (I remember struggling to literally do anything in the heat when pregnant) it’s just a difficult day :(
It’s natural to panic how you’ll cope with another one when all your energy seems to be taken up as it is at the moment but your just do when it comes to it.
Plus it’s a lot easier when your energy isn’t being taken up by the pregnancy.
Great that your DC starting preschool soon, that little bit of time does really help and if any way can start sooner etc then take that opportunity to make your life a bit easier and hopefully get chance to enjoy life a bit again

I don't think that this being normal and you needing help are mutually exclusive. I think both are true.

What sort of help do you mean? Psychotherapy, babysitting, or medication? Gin?! What sort of help would make you feel most better right now? Is support helpful, even if it's not practical? If we all tell you that what you're feeling is completely understandable, and lots and lots of people go through the exact same thing, does that take the pressure off? It is. And they do.

I feel run down and crap after a 24hr stomach bug. That's without needing the energy to grow a baby or entertain a toddler. I can't even imagine how run down you must be feeling with after months of hypermesis. I know your DH is away and there are household jobs to do but could you schedule a guilt-free day for yourself? Forget about the laundry and the washing up. Grab something quick for breakfast that you can take back to bed with the toddler, stick on Paw Patrol or Peppa Pig while you drift back to sleep. Hell, just stick on her favourite tv shows for the rest of the day, get yourself a takeaway while you're at it and give yourself permission to not achieve anything with the day? I do it every few months and it helps me recharge.

Thank you thank you for being so kind and understanding, it has made me feel tearful but I'm a good way and nice to know people understand!

I think what's worrying me is that what would actually help me right now is to completely get away from my life as it is. To not be pregnant, to not have a toddler to constantly attend to, to actually be able to see my friends without being knackered, to have a wine/gin, to go clubbing and wear nice clothes and just get back to the way life was pre kids.I loved my job and now I just can't find the energy for it at all and I worry my team is giving up on me.

It makes me feel more tearful just writing that stuff because how can I say that when I love my daughter so much and she's the best thing that is in my life?! She's so funny and cute I don't think I should be feeling like this (about either of my kids).

@Thaimoon you poor thing. I feel for you. It’s very tough!

It’s worth remembering that you don’t really feel
like this, it’s situational at the moment. You are tired and pregnant and overwhelmed. And yes, bloody right you miss your old life without all this responsibility!!

I have 4 Dc and in all honesty, some days I’m like a demon! But lots of days I’m not! It’s ok to go through shitty times, you are only human.

Also, let me reassure you, when the baby comes, the overwhelming likelihood is that you will love it, regardless of your fears now!

As @Raaasaur says your just overwhelmed at the moment, just do whatever you can to make your life a little easier, more childcare, a cleaner, spa day with a friend and you’ll probably find you start to feel more positive about things. Honestly, as long as doing your best to make sure DC gets the care she needs then don’t feel guilty for how your feeling during this time xx

Thank you all so much.
Getting an early night in the hope I feel more positive tomorrow

I remember feeling over-touched when DD was being a clingy toddler.

What could you do tomorrow that might help to alleviate some of the boredom for your DD and give you a bit of space to breathe?

Could you go to a park early in the day when it's cooler to let her burn off some steam, take a bottle of bubbles and encourage her to run around blowing them while you sit in the cool on a bench?

How about a play bath, not functional for getting clean but just putting her in the bath with loads of bubble bath, some measuring cups to pour water from one thing to another, a couple of empty bottles to fill and squirt. Let her play in there as long as she wants and just top it up with warm every now and then as needed.

Could you give her a pot of water and a paintbrush and let her paint the garden while you sit in the shade?

Hope tomorrow is a better day OP. I remember finding being heavily pregnant and having a toddler the hardest bit of all - harder than having a toddler and a newborn.