Feeling down I don’t take my kids out

[Feelinbluemama]

Just that really I feel really down about it, and wish I could take them to a theme park or something especially now weather is nice , I have anxiety maybe abit of depression so getting out is tough also I don’t drive and there’s no way to get to these places as live quite rurally , last time we went on holiday was 2019 and that was a week in Great Yarmouth via train,
I just want to take them out to theme park theyve only been once , and wildlife parks etc I just don’t know how to do it.
I asked if they wanted to go out today to the local town etc but my 14 yr old said no so we are staying in again , I feel like im running out of time as there growing up 7 and 14 any advice I’d appreciate

Anywhere locally that does coach trips to theme parks etc? There’s a few by us that do day trips to Alton Towers or similar.
Otherwise most places are into ‘sustainable travel’ these days so publicise how to get to them on public transport, so it’s just a case of planning and doing your research. Alton Towers for instance you could stay over at the Splash Landings hotel as a min break, and some wildlife parks have glamping accommodation on site. Obviously it’s more expensive than a day trip but it can help the travel side of things.

Leave 14 year old home take 7 year old to a local park have a little picnic.

Coach trip is a really good call, you can also get package deals for attractions and train tickets to places like Cadbury world.

That way transport is taken care of, you just make your way to the bus/train station and go along with the day.

Leave the 14 year old at home and take the 7 year old out.

@Feelinbluemama

I don’t drive either, with a bit of planning and research, I’ve found most places are accessible by public transport, not all, but most. And it is a bit more difficult to do things spur of the moment.
But I’ve taken my son all over the country on the train and has wonderful holidays and day trips.
There is currently 20% off railcards. Ive just bought a 3 year card for £70, I think the 1 year cards are £30. Really worth the investment.

If you tell us where your nearest railway station is maybe we could give you some suggestions

To be honest though if the 14 year old didnt want to go out I’d have gone with the 7 year old.

You can do these things, just not spontaneously and they are likely to cost you more (price of coach trip, hotel costs etc) - but you save money by not running a car. Pick something specific you really want to do - perhaps a theme park. And start planning/saving.
It might work out easier for you logistically to plan and save up for a special holiday rather than lots of individual days out. Something like a cruise could be amazing for you. Once you’re at the port you don’t have to worry about transport anymore. Some of the big ships have amazing waterslides and even go-karts.
Another way to get your kids on days out is to sign them up to/encourage things like scouts or Duke of Edinburgh. This method can help with having 2 kids at really different stages too.

Perhaps don't think quite so big. Take them swimming at the nearest leisure centre. A day out at a local woodland. Train/coach trip to the beach and fish and chips under the pier. Cinema. Nice film at home with a pizza picnic. Get the 7 year old into cubs or join a church for Sunday school - there will be lots of outings. Rounders in the Park and hot dogs on the way home. You could do 4/5 of those things for the entry to one theme park.

14 year old are hard to please in my experience.

If it makes you feel better, a theme park on a day like today will be a nightmare. Busy and hot. Lots of grumbling and complaining. Been there, done that.

Start small and build your confidence. Is there anywhere like a local cycle path, park or woods you could take them out to for a walk?

I feel your pain. I had awful anxiety taking my kids out on my own when they were little. But I had a rotation of 'safe' places that weren't too busy, had somewhere to eat and I could change them easily. I still don't really take mine out on a Saturday when DH is in work. Most places are ridiculously busy and DS1 hates crowds still. We tend to stay in the garden, visit family or go for a walk locally and save the big days out for Sundays when DH is home.

This! My two are similar ages to yours. They are just as happy with the simple outings as much as the 'big ticket' ones. The main thing they enjoy is the novelty. We do walks with a picnic, movie nights at home, sleepovers in the lounge, camping in the garden. It is hard to please with that age gap but to be honest I don't tend to ask if they want to come. I just present them with the plan for the day. As long as there is time for my eldest to 'chill' (play minecraft or watch youtube) he's happy.

Could you meet up somewhere with a friend? Your DC ages must be quite hard to find interests they are both into and want to do together. Does your 14yo go out with mates?

Thanks all for being so kind , my 14 yr old has anxiety also so doesn’t go out with friends, I’ll definitely start looking at coach trips and start small I just feel like other people take there kids out every weekend doing something fun etc but I’m going to try at least .

This

If you live semi-rurally are there places locally that you could get to by bike?

Everything right with staying local. You write you are rurally located and I wonder if there are farms you could visit if they have events on. If you have a garden a den would be a great idea. Let the kids plan this. Doing cooking is good as you get to all sit down to enjoy the results. Local walks as well. I know of parents at school who have activities all the time. I wonder how they have the energy.

Can you learn to drive?

Our DS was quite low maintenance (still is) so we didn’t do have to do activities every weekend like other families seemed to do. He was quite happy in his own space, going out for a meal was his favourite thing, usually combined with a walk beforehand. But we have a dog so that probably helped with that activity.

It’s really important to get your 14 year old out op, start slowly and build up. It’s not just the issue of their childhood evaporating but one of a lifelong mental health issue.
Don’t ask if they are coming - give them two options as a choice and go.

I don't drive but have managed to do days out with my dcs by train. If you live rurally I expect you might have to get a taxi to the station but it should still be doable. My dcs loved theme parks and it seems a shame for them to miss out. At that age they are independent as in can carry own bags and don't need a buggy etc, and can stay up later so it doesn't matter if journey is long, so even easier. If cost is an issue, Tesco are still doing 3x clubcard for days out (but not for long).

Coach is also an option but when I've compared coach vs train, coach has taken much longer so not ideal for us. But if the coach stop is closer than train station for you it could work out better.

We really love doing activities with our dcs so not seen as something we are forced to do to keep them from complaining, but just a fun thing for us all to experience and remember. Weekends in summer are like little holidays, we do the kind of thing people do on holiday but all the time really.

If your dc already has anxiety I would be making SURE we got out. Don't offer the option just present it as a done deal . You can do this and you really do need to, for the dc's sake.

If the older one was socialising with friends etc I'd have said just take the 7 yr old but that's not the case.

The next problem will be an anxious 7 year old. Can you take a friend or family member to give you confidence?

There is no need to take kids to theme parks or wildlife parks. I had a very happy childhood exploring the local area and the surrounding countryside. Give them experiences like picnics, building a den somewhere, a local park. Children do not need to go to Alton Towers or something similar to have a happy fulfilled childhood.

This weekend we are hanging out in the garden, DD is playing with various friends on the street, they take it in turn to invade someone's house, eat all their food, make a mess then move on to the next house like a pack of wild things.

Tomorrow we have swimming lesson then more hanging around.

It is absolutely not necessary to do something big every weekend, everyone needs down time.

Does it need to be as full on as a theme park?

We often book a night away in a premier Inn. We are also rural so it can just be for cinema or different parks, beaches, walks, basically fairly ordinary things but somewhere different.

We wouldn't be deciding on the day to go to a theme park on the day.

Maybe start with something a bit less intense and work up. Or plan some sort of day out (not theme park pricey) once a month. I find if I have one thing planned then the nothing weekends are also something to look forward too.

As someone who had anxiety, what helps me is exercise, nature and getting the nutrients my body needs. When b12 and folic acid is low, you can feel anxiety and a bit of depression. I also find that anything with white flour lowers my serotonin levels and lowers my mood. Being too much at home is no good for anyone and exercise is excellent for mental and emotional health. Stress also causes anxiety or unresolved inner conflicts. When I was 19 I had depression and didn't leave the house for about 2 months. Nobody knew how to help me but luckily I found a job abroad and that helped me getting out of that hole. I know now that exercise would have help me. We didn't have smartphones back then and I think that's one of causes in teenagers now. We are here in this world temporarily and life is worth living and experiencing new things.