Do you feel like there’s favourites amongst your children’s grandparents?

[Tigerti]

1 DS, 1 DD on the way

BIL has 2x DC

i feel like MIL plays favourites and try not to let it bother me. When she’s alone with my DS it’s diff she doesn’t seem to then she loves him and loves spending time with him

but I don’t know if it’s favouritism with the other grandkids or the fact she doesn’t see them often (don’t live close) so she just is happy to see them / anything they’re doing

it used to bother me a bit! But now I’m having DD I’m trying to detach from it all. Which is hard as DH has never seen there to be a problem so that’s infuriated me further but trying my best (any tips are welcome haha£ to let go of my annoyiance towards the topic

She might feel closer to the other grandchildren if they are older and she's had more time to get to know them. Equally likely is that if she doesn't see them often she wants them to have a positive experience with her do she spoils them a bit. If your dh doesn't see a problem then I'd follow his lead for now - he knows her best.
See how things are as the kids get older. And give her the opportunity to bond with your children - don't be looking into every little thing and seeing it negatively. Women know when their dil's/mil's are irritated by them and looking to find fault.
Maybe you're right but I wouldn't assume that just yet.

From what you've said it sounds like she feels that she sees more of your DS so wants to make a fuss when she sees the other grandchildren.

I think try to be generous and consider that she is treading a tricky line. I wonder if the other BIL assumes yours are the favourites because she sees yours more.

Do you give her time alone with her other DGC when they visit or do you always turn up too?

Try to be fair to a woman who is human like the rest of us. If she is loving most of the time I'd try to let it go.

Tips to deal with it would be to see her as human woman who deserves your understanding.

Try to assume she is doing her best like the rest of us, unless you really have reason to believe otherwise

Yes my MIL favours one, has her overnight weekly, takes her on holiday, days out. Sees mine when I take them down there or if DH (her son) begs for help which is usually when we are in a dire situation.

It's sad and I hate that my kids are starting to become aware of it.

My grandma did it to us too, I hated her and didn't attend her funeral because she was an actual stranger to me because she didn't want to spend any time with us and when she did it was so obviously forced

Thanks all so far for the responses I expected some quite mean judgy ones so thanks for all understanding my POV

I don’t always go! But most the time I do with my DH and son just as I didn’t see why not as we’re a family type of thing

i try to give the benefit of the doubt. As comments she’s made about BIL makes me think she’s scared he won’t visit at all if she upsets him so I am just trying to see it as that she’s trying to keep all of them close to her

At the end of a long Christmas weekend with too many people, including all the grandchildren. FiL once burst out "xxxxx you used to be my favourite, but you're not anymore!" Which suggests that yes, grandparents can have favourites.

never really thought about it but on reflection I would say DH’s mum likes DS best but it’s kind of a personality thing- they are v similar and gel. She treats them exactly the same to be fair but I’d say she and ds are closer than she and dd. My mum probably gets on better with dd but again treats them the same. The GFs are typical boomer men and treat them as a cohort rather than individuals 🤣. My DPs don’t have any other DGC. DH’s do but for complicated reasons don’t see much of them and we’re never really all together so I’m not sure if there’s any favouritism of m in e over theirs or vice versa.

Yes. SIL DC whom FIL refer to as 'ours'.
But then SIL has been favoured over DH financially and otherwise over the years so no surprise.