Ettiquete - Are team sports like parties?

[SantaSantaEvita]

I wasn’t a sporty person, so I’m a bit unsure about this. DD belongs to a sports club that will go to a junior tournament in a fortnights time where everyone who can make it will turn up and compete individually for club spirit and hopefully points. I signed her up a while ago.

Today her school email to say she’s been selected for a team sport to go on tour that day to a tournament in a distant city. As far as I can tell she loves this sport more, and she’ll be pleased to have made the team. She isn’t involved with hockey, the main school sport, so there’s not a lot of chances like this.

If these were parties, I’d know what to do! But is sport different - are you allowed to take into account which you’re working harder on/want to succeed in more/other factors and decide to accept the later invite?

Maybe dd will know the answer? She’s pretty responsible!

I think if the second sport is a more prestigious invite, then she should accept that and apologise to the first sport.

What one does your dd want to do

Give them as much notice as possible, but just explain you can no longer make it.

I haven’t asked her yet - I was just wondering if I should be asking her to choose or telling her she can’t be choosy. The second sport is a more prestigious invite I think, as @RunningFromInsanity suggests.

are you allowed to take into account which you’re working harder on/want to succeed in more/other factors and decide to accept the later invite?
This isn't a one-off decision. Chances are that there will be more clashes in the future so make a long-term choice.
I presume that it is a summer sport which means that you will get a few weeks at school as opposed to all summer at the sports club - would that sway her view?

Thanks @senua, yes thats something to think about in other factors.

Do you want to say what the sports are - it may make a difference to the advice.

Can you let us know the sports op? It does make a difference...

My DDs do loads of sports. I'd prioritise a school netball for example over an athletics competitio, even though dd is better at athletics, because netball is a school thing so good for her social life and a team sport so it would matter more of she's there or not.

DD is good at hockey (nowadays just school) and swimming (so lots of train and historically plenty of weekends competing).

Club and school knew the situation. We chopped and changed depending on the time of year and location.

Often school sport would get cut (especially if they were gone for 6 hours to play for 45 mins).

Is your DC a key player? Do they need points/times to move up a level/qualify for a harder tournament/competition.

The key thing is to let the organisers know ASAP (I used to email school just before the start of each term). We have been known to do both and ferry kids between venues; is that feasible?

I let DD have a lot of input by yr11.

I'd go for the school invite unless your DD is against the idea as declining it may limit future opportunities.

My DD has this now between club and county matches. County always wins. Club understands.

Sports are - orienteering (club, although school do have a programme); and cricket (school, although she is also a member of the affiliated adult club). What I don’t want to do is get drawn into an assessment of her relative prowess at these wildly differing sports! I’m just not qualified…

Ugh. I thought one of them might be cricket. At this level it is limited overs. Only the best 3-or-so get to bowl; only the best 4-or-so get to bat. The rest are there to make up the numbers. DS's captain was not good and after one match where DS got to do nothing - apart from watch his teammates hog all the fun - he gave up.
I'd prioritise orienteering, the skills are more transferable when she is older.

Ah, having seen its cricket I do agree with the poster above. You/she need to find out if she's actually going to get to do anything, or if she's going to stand around making up the numbers wishing she chose orienteering.

It's worse than that. Either the DD is making up numbers (no fun) or the captain/coach tries to make sure that everybody has a go - aka doesn't field the best team - so they don't win (again, no fun). It's a design flaw in the game.

Design flaw! I don’t think we can factor that in, she’s playing four times a week and seems happy with the matches she’s played so far…. All very helpful thoughts, though, it looks like sporting fixture =|= (is not the same as) birthday party in etiquette terms.

At a guess op, if she plays 4 times a week, she's probably one of the good ones!

Ahhh doh't write off cricket it's my daughter's sport! We need good girls to keep playing and as a sport there are more and more upcoming opportunities. Many more so than in orienteering I reckon!

As for those who are saying making up the numbers, fielding in cricket is essential, without a good field you will lose a match.

Girls cricket is slightly better than boys in that respect, I say that having experience of both a son and daughter in cricket.

Daughter now plays county but also on boys teams (opens bowling) and on mens.

There are plenty of opportunities in cricket, I'd hate to see girls put off.

As for those who are saying making up the numbers, fielding in cricket is essential, without a good field you will lose a match.
DS was put on the boundary rope; young boys don't hit many boundaries.🙄
DS literally touched the ball only once in the whole game. Put him off cricket for life.
He does plenty of ParkRun, jogging, running up and down mountains etc, though, amongst loads of other sport.

Cricket may depend on how old she is. DS1 plays pairs (so he’ll bowl two overs and bat four) when he’s U11 but ‘once you’re out you’re out’ when it’s U12. But U12s get rotated so if anyone neither bats nor bowls they always get a go next time (because the coaches are fab).