Parent burnout - help!

[tintable]

Hi all. I have two toddlers and am utterly exhausted. I don't work - DH has a good job and takes care of the money side of things whilst I see to the children and keep them busy. DC1 has additional support needs (although fairly minor in comparison to what they could be).

We have no support around us. Family are nearby but completely disinterested. DH works his arse off them comes home and helps all things home.

We are both truly burnt out. I am exhausted more than I've ever been. DC1 is proving challenging during this period and sleep is at a premium.

Holidays/days away are just not enjoyable. I think I'm probably depressed too due to circumstances but I am on medication for this.

If this sounds familiar - how do you rest and reset? I'm genuinely curious to know so I can get some ideas. I've totally lost myself and life is so very unenjoyable.

You poor thing. You need a break! Do you get one on weekends? Start to think of some smalls ways you can get some time off each day. For example a bath with headphones to block any noise each evening, a walk on your own before DH goes to work, a babysitter who comes once a week for 2 hours so you can go to an exercise class, one lay in every Saturday or Sunday where DH takes the kids out of the house etc. These seem small but they add up to feeling more rested and refreshed. Then look bigger - a day or a night away on a repeat schedule, or a weekend where DH takes the kids to family and leaves you at home. No one can relentlessly parent 24/7 without a break or at least nursery for toddlers booked in.

How old are the children? I know some pre schools take from 2 yrs. I would imagine you might have to pay until fund starts.

That is full on. Ours are 5 and 3 and we're feeling it atm, work and home etc etc etc but I genuinely couldn't handle being a SAHM to two that young. You absolutely need some time to yourself.

I completely understand what you are saying. I was in this exact same situation a few years ago. I still feel tired now, I don't think I ever caught up on years of lost sleep! Hopefully as someone a few years further down the line, I can reassure you that it will get better. It really will. Slowly, little changes will happen that you hardly notice at the time, but that make a big difference.

My first bit of advice is to try to get a little routine going. If you have any toddler groups nearby, go to them regularly. You might feel nervous on the first visit, but you'll soon befriend other people (just tell them how wonderful their kids are!). And once you go regularly, the parents start to support each other. And the kids have fun! Win.

Secondly, accept that it is even harder work to be a parent to a SEN child. The fact that it could be 'worse', doesn't mean it isn't hard work. All the extra things you have to worry about can be very draining. If at all possible, try to find someone who is in a similar situation with whom you can share your feelings. Local support group if there is one? It'll really help you to get some validation from people who know how hard it can be.

And lastly, CBeebies is your friend. The programmes like Alphablocks are superb and your children will be learning as well as giving you a five minute break to drink a cup of tea while it's still warm.

The challenges might change as the kids get older, but their ability to communicate and understand (usually) improves too. It gets easier.