4yo doesn't listen. Need strategies

[escapingthecity]

A couple of other nursery parents have confirmed their 4yo are the same but it is driving me mad. DS does not listen. It takes forever to do anything because I have to ask him 8 times to put on his shoes/brush his teeth/if he wants milk on his cereal/to get out of the bath etc etc etc. Has anyone found a strategy to tackle this? Do I ask no more than twice and then just get on? How can I get him to do what needs to be done the first time? He starts school in September and I worry about him listening to the teachers.

My seven year old is the same at home.
But she's fine at school

I still helped mine at that age. It made life a million times easier and they grew up just fine and are independent adults now.

It's not just things he might still need help with though - it's do you want water or milk/stop bashing that bush with a stick/go and have a wee before we leave. I have to say everything multiple times

Counting works amazingly with my 3yo at the moment. I say expectation, outcome if he doesn’t comply and count.
Example: “if you don’t stop bashing the table with that spoon, I will take the spoon away after 5, 1,2…”.

Now realistically I should stop that behaviour immediately but this is more effective. After once or twice showing you will follow through, they soon learn.

I also use really direct language. “DS, Shoes on now!” Rather than ”come on love, can we put shoes on?”. You can still say it happily with love, but you give less room for interpretation.

Oh and if he doesn’t answer choices, he doesn’t get to choose (just make sure he really did hear you). Counting works here too. “After I say five, you tell me if you want water or milk”

one last thing is to make everything a game, but that does take more mental effort!