Tricky problem with nursery

[Trumble]

DS (now two and a half) has been going to nursery since he was ten months and has always been quite happy and settled. He’s always been thrilled to see me at the end of the day but has gone in quite happy. This changed really abruptly at the end of last week when he started being hysterically and crying no, no, no mummy. Any mention of nursery at home has elicited similar reactions, as soon as he realises that’s where we’re going he breaks down.

I know it’s normal to a point but it isn’t for DS and it is really concerning me.

I am due a baby next month, and I know this could be part of the problem but DS has never shown any upset outside of nursery.

I am trying to think what to do for the best - am due to start maternity leave at the end of this month so could feasibly keep him off nursery for a bit but as a long term solution it doesn’t seem great. I’m just wondering what others might do?

Is sounds like something has happened at nursery. Can you speak with the staff?

Kids pick up on change and he is about to undergo a pretty massive change. I wouldn’t keep him off - will make your life so much harder when he has to go back when ML is over. Make it part of his ‘special big brother’ routine - he is the big kid and gets to go to nursery.

Plow on keep going. He'll have to go to school at some point.

I know but that won’t be until he’s over four and a half, he’s very young.

I have spoken to staff but they don’t seem to know of anything that has happened. I really don’t know if it’s the baby, surely he’d be unsettled everywhere if that was the case?

I could have written this! I’m 32 weeks pregnant and recently my DD (almost 27m) had a phase where she screamed about going to and on arrival at nursery. She too has been going since 10m and has never ever been upset at drop off, not even when she first started!

For us, it coincided with a period of big separation anxiety where my DD only wants me. So we kept it that dad would drop her off, as he always has, and I would pick her up and after maybe two weeks she has gone back to just strolling in to nursery and not looking back. She still has her moments, like this morning, where she goes ‘no nursery!’ and has a cry about it but she soon settles and gives me a cuddle and leaves the house no problem at all. I wouldn’t stop sending him in as would be inclined to think it’d only get worse when he has to go back - and keeping to a normal routine is one less big change when baby arrives.

I think it’s likely an age thing, mixed with the upcoming huge change and am hopeful my DD will go back to her old self soon. Fingers crossed it’s short lived for you, too 🤞🏼

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and my DS is doing the exact same thing at the moment. I think they get unsettled at the upcoming change. I've kept him going as normal as I really believe keeping his routine consistent is going to be so important when the baby is actually here.

I’m so relieved you two have said this as I really have been concerned … it’s awful walking away from him crying 😢

Hello!

My son is an old man at 4 years’ old and I’m expecting our second boy in the coming days. His being older obviously makes it much easier to discuss the upcoming transitions but he is still tiny and not necessarily the best at explaining himself. He has really big fluctuations about preschool (which he loves in essence) at the moment and many unexpected moments of tantrum and meltdown at home. As others have said, they sense the enormity and unknown of what is about to happen.

Our preschool are absolutely brilliant with pastoral support and, if this continues at your end, I wonder if you and your son’s dad could sit down and have a conversation with his key person (if he has one) or a member of staff with whom you and him have a good connection as to what is going on and how you and your little one can feel more supported? I would imagine there are nursery staff who have the combination of experience and compassion you need to assuage your anxieties and help you through the transition to growing your family. And it is possible that something happened a few weeks’ back which may have seemed insignificant to staff but wasn’t to your son. Trying to build some more regular communication with nursery, even a daily, 5-10!min phone call (we’ve done this in the past in different circumstances) will hopefully make you feel less at sea. And if they are unsupportive and uncommunicative, explore alternative childcare settings. Best of luck!

@Trumble It can be so hard to know what to do for the best. I actually snuck round a little bit early to collect him this afternoon, to settle my own mind, and he was just playing outside very happily. I find a better indicator is how they are at the end of a nursery day rather than at the beginning.

When my second was born I took my first child out of nursery for the year. It was hard work but worth it. I then put them both into a new nursery together.