3 year old won’t poo in potty

[Hopingforbetterluck]

So I’m really at a loss as to what to do now. 3 year old DS started potty training last October when he was 2.8. He’s pretty much trained for wees (but will only go standing up) and takes himself to the big toilet without prompting. Very few in any accidents now.

Poos are another matter and he absolutely will not go until he has a pull up on overnight. He holds it till then or occasionally has an accident if he’s desperate. It really can’t be good for him and I’m starting to worry about it but I just don’t know what to try next.

We have tried star charts, bribes, sitting on the potty at certain times each day, tried taking the pressure off, tried talking to him. He has a lot of words but isn’t great at having a proper conversation yet but he once told me it was scary when I talked with him about it. We’ve read books together about it, watched poo goes to Pooland, I’ve tried all the tips I’ve read about letting them go in a pull up but sat on the potty etc but he just won’t go until he’s in bed and won’t sit on the potty for very long no matter what I try.

I feel like I left it too late to potty train him and now we’re stuck at this stage as he’s quite stubborn. Anyone any experience or any ideas at all….I’m really struggling for what to do here!

I remember having exactly the same worries when my DS was 3. We decided that when he needed a poo he would tell me, we'd put a pull up on and he'd go into the bathroom privately, then we'd clean up afterwards. This took all stress and pressure away from him, he did that for quite a few months until suddenly he decided that he did want to use the toilet. He was probably 4 by then which is later than many but has not had any issues since.

I know it’s stressful and worrying, but very common too. I’d give it a break for now and continue with the pull up at night. Then you can plan a step by step approach where you take it really slowly towards pooing in the potty/toilet.

Eg pull up on, sitting on potty
Then pull up in the potty- sitting on potty
Then tissues in potty, rather than pull up

If he uses the toilet for pees would he not use the toilet for poos? Perhaps the potty is an unnecessary step?

I agree the potty might be an unnecessary step but he’s even less happy to sit on the toilet.

I have tried telling him he can put a pull up on and go into the bathroom alone when he needs to go but he won’t even do that. It’s like he needs to be laid down in his bed with a pull up on because he’s got into the habit of going like that.

I think I’ll take a break and not mention it for a while and then try again with the pull up on to go in the bathroom and try to progress to sitting on the potty with a pull up on. It’s just so hard when he won’t even do the first stage at the moment!

Provide opportunities and remind of available bribes but don't make a big fuss when it goes in the nappy?

Some do withold poo. My eldest used to spend aaaaaages for a poo. We used to insist every 2 days that she stay and I read to her until a poo came. If she took more than half an hour, she knew there wouldn't be time for bedtime stories (which she loved). Honestly, we had to have that system in place for over 6 m9nths before it stopped being an issue for her.

Other option, is hedry at night? Could.you remove the pull up? If he's good at wees, if all for getting a good one out before bed, no drinks the hour before sleep and maybe stick him on once during the night. See if his pull up is dry if you try that, and if so, ditch it totally.

My DD was exactly the same at 3. Staying clean and dry took well over a year from starting and what helped break the cycle was to let her have the iPad but only on the toilet. We waited til she obviously needed a poo to offer it. She needed to relax enough to not know it was happening and concentrate on it. She's almost 6 now and still needs a book every time to distract her and never goes at school but she's fine

Don't worry.
I remember getting so stressed about it, but it happened in the end.
As grim as it is the book "little budgie's done a fudgie" seemed to help the penny drop (so to speak )

@TinyTeacher i have thought about taking away the pull up completely but he’s nowhere near dry on a night so I don’t feel like I can.

We remind him all the time and he even tells me constantly that if he does 5 poos in the potty he gets a new tractor from the toy shop but we’ve yet to get one! I don’t make a big deal him doing it in the nappy, just clean him up and empty the nappy in the toilet so he can see where it goes and he flushed it away. I really just need to find a way past the mental block he seems to have and will try some of the suggestions here …..the iPad might be a good shout as he’s not allowed it usually.

Sometimes you have to force the issue. Doing a poo in a nappy is a very different feeling to sitting on a potty/toilet with the deep space underneath them and perhaps the change of angle.

I eventually just said “no nappy today”. I found stuff to do in the kitchen (toilet handy) and waited. Poo was coming, child was getting more frantic. She even got a nappy, spread it out, lay on it and tried to do it up. Eventually, at the height of frantic, I just picked her up and ran.

she just needed to get over the hurdle of doing her first. We rang my mum who said all the right things, we celebrated a little but not too much and she got cuddled with Dad later. And then that was that.

My eldest was the same, it’s quite common. We took the pressure off and just put up with a few months of nighttime nappy on, poo, clean up and fresh nappy.

At 3.5 she was a bit more motivated so I took her to the toy shop and let her choose a poo present. We put it in the cupboard and once she did a poo in the toilet (we’d abandoned potty as her legs were too long!) she could have it. It only took a couple of days after that. I knelt on the bathroom floor and held her hands to support her. She was gone from then on.

You poor things, this was us too and I remember how stressful and upsetting I found it. We also tried books, pooland, stickers etc with no success. Poo presents saved us in the end! I was advised to try them from mums on here and it was the only thing that worked!

I got lots of small toys, wrapped them, put them in a box and showed ds that he could have one if he did a poo. He was very excited/interested but it wasn't an overnight success and he still wasn't able to poo on the toilet even though
he really wanted a present (tmi but what happened was that when he was having a wee once he farted out a tiny tiny bit of poo. But it was technically poo in the toilet so we praised him and he got his first present! He loved getting it and that was the beginning of the end although it took a few more weeks if not a couple of months before he'd cracked it. Other things that helped:

• getting the nappy off quick in the morning so he didn't have chance to poo then. He sometimes did manage to hold it until bedtime nappy but not always.
• very gentle laxative from the gp. Just gave that occasionally.
• putting poo from the nappy into the toilet and flushing it so he got a visual of what should be happening
• letting him watch us go everyday

I think seeing presents and the immediate reward was what did it (rather than saving up for tractor type thing). Initially I did small things that I knew he'd love like small cars,bath bombs,little books,dinosaur figures. Then as he got more confident/frequent I ended up getting any old tat from the charity shop to put in!

Good luck.