3 year old saying "What?" At the end of my tether!

[CornishGem1975]

I am being driven to distraction by my 3.5 year old. Every time I talk to him, and I mean every single time he answers with "what" and I have to repeat myself. It's driving me insane to the point where I've told him I won't repeat myself, so if he misses it, he misses it.

It's not his hearing, he had a hearing test a few weeks ago at Audiology (unrelated) and two previous ones so I know his hearing is absolutely fine - so what is it? Just habit? I mean, I do think he is genuinely missing what I say as if I ask him what I said - he can't answer me. I've tried talking louder, slower, clearer but nothing makes a difference.

I can't take it anymore of saying the same thing over and over again. This is not a new thing either, it's been months and months. I'm slowly going crazy.

Do you have his attention first? I have to get ds attention then speak if I'm sure I had his attention I would be firm and say you heard me

I'm autistic and dyspraxic and I have auditory processing issues as a result. It doesn't happen all of the time but I regularly have difficulties telling where sound is coming from and people can say something to me and my brain won't process what they said until ten seconds or so later. My hearing is perfectly fine though. It's possible that it's an issue for your DS.

www.gosh.nhs.uk/medical-information-0/auditory-processing-disorder/

Ah I could have written this. I do insist he says pardon instead or I won't repeat it, but then I do repeat it. Hundreds of times in a day, oh and I normally say his name first before I say something lol

I literally hate the word what now! However for a while we had 'why' so... Hopefully just a phase

We had this too, around the same age - in my DD's case, it passed after a couple of months. I think it was less hearing related, and more processing. It's an age when they often start understanding a lot more about the world, and making connections. For us, what she really wanted was for us to repeat so she had more time to understand - and often to explain something in more detail.

Seconding the suggestion that it’s processing and so potentially just too much information or too speedy for him to take in at the moment. Slower auditory processing is really common in lots of children.

Try breaking the information up into much smaller chunks and see if he still does it.

And when he says ‘what?’ ask him what he thinks so you can tell how much of the information has gone in.

Thanks, this is all really helpful to hear - also that's it's 'normal'. I do have two older children but never had this. Sounds like it probably is a processing thing and I need to dig deep and find some patience!

Also interesting @Greenbeanmcgee what you've said as I am convinced that at some point in the future he'll get a diagnosis of something. He's next level exhausting in everything - walked super early, talked early and in ridiculous context, so physical (though clumsy at times, falls over a lot, even when he's holding my hand) and he's just nothing like I've experienced before on some many levels. He can't really focus on anything or sit still but he absorbs everything. I will read more about APD because I was convinced his glue ear was affecting him but all tests have come back clear as day.

Oh and @HAF1119 I also make him say 'pardon' 😂or commonly he now changes it to "what did you just say"

I managed to get the children to say pardon ok, I’m still waiting for DH to say it instead of what 😂

Interested in a side issue on this thread, because I thought "pardon" was considered "non-U" and less desirable than "what".

I do actually say "pardon", but since learning the above many years ago, sometimes I feel slightly ashamed afterwards

(Maybe I am overestimating the extent to which people care what Nancy Mitford would say)

What, pardon, sorry? The etiquette of asking someone to repeat themselves | Tatler

I have no idea @CovetedAsFuck but I much prefer hearing 'pardon' come out of my teens mouths than 'WOT' or 'wha'

That article says:

What?This is considered rather smart but while it may be satisfying to say (bark), it is less satisfying to hear (suffer). A velvety, murmured ‘what’ is indeed rather alluring, particularly when paired with one of those sardonic little watery aristocratic smiles. But ‘what’ is far more likely to be snapped or even roared. Children find it especially hard to deliver a polished ‘what’ and are extremely likely to appear spoilt and even thuggish. And so, although accepted high-born wisdom tells us that ‘what’ is the way forward, we recommend approaching it with caution. For fear of looking like an arrogant arsehole.

😂 I agree if it was velvety and mumured

I often aim for "sorry", so I was relieved to see that article gives it some level of approval, but I might start trying out "Hm?"

(... I won't. I'll forget and keep on saying pardon)

Ex DP corrects the kids and makes them say "pardon". I hate it, nothing wrong with "what"

I am a 'sorry' too but sometimes I think it sounds sarcastic. There's no winning!

I just don't like 'what'. It's not something you'd ever use in a shop, restaurant or at work etc is it? Or maybe other people do but I'd feel rude as fuck if someone spoke to me in a shop and I said 'what?' at them!

Also hate pardon and prefer what…we have settled as a family on sorry.

Anyway OP, one of my dc did this for ages. No additional needs. Still at 9 will often ask a question he absolutely knows the answer to, mainly because he’s a bit lazy about doing the thinking if he can get someone else to do it for him!

Responding with ‘what do you think?’ helped a lot and trained him out of the habit a bit.