Separation anxiety

[SkyBlue20]

My almost 27m old has what I suspect is separation anxiety and it is, quite frankly, killing me. I’m 32weeks pregnant and I suspect that’s playing in to it somewhat, too, for both her and I but i just don’t know what to do anymore.

EVERYTHING is ‘mummy’, she whines CONSTANTLY - even if I’m holding her he’s whining ‘mummy’, she’s taking hours to go to sleep (I’ve just been in with her for 1hr 45mins and eventually just had to leave and let her cry because nothing else was working, she fell asleep while I was writing this). She’s waking crazy early every day (because she’s going to sleep late - on the rare occasion she actually goes to sleep by 8, she sleeps a solid 11hrs straight through) and if my husband tries to do anything at all with her she just screams ‘no daddy!’ and starts screaming/whining for mummy again or having a full blown tantrum, so I’m ending up doing the wake ups, dealing with her post-nursery, the put downs. My husband is incredible and doing everything he possibly can but there’s just not much he can do with her, he can mainly just do the more practical things like the cooking and cleaning and it’s hard for him, too, feeling constantly rejected and helpless.

She’s always been a really independent, happy girl and for a while we were able to just put her down in the cot, leave the room and she’d go to sleep but she is just the opposite of this now and it’s killing me. It’s so, so intense and I’m so, so tired 😭

I must say, she does do days out and classes and stuff with her dad and the other day we left her with my mum and she’s ABSOLUTELY fine (sometimes right away but other times it might take a while) but as soon as I’m around, it’s back to it. We had a couple of weeks where, for the first time ever, she had meltdowns being dropped off at nursery but now she walks in not a problem again (dad drops her off).

I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal? Does it seem heightened because of the impending arrival? I’m extremely patient with her, more so than I ever thought I could
be and I offer up lots of cuddles and comfort but sometimes it’s hard not to shout 😭😢 I do also feel like I need to be firm at times to set boundaries, so I am (without shouting). I need her to know I’m there but also that she can’t take the p. I just want to be able to enjoy my time with her again, especially in these last couple of months before our lives are flipped upside down.

sorry for the essay and thank you if you got this far 🤍

I could have written this about dd who is now 4! When she was around 1 she used to scream and cry terribly for me, even if I went to the toilet it was the end of the world. I'd drop her off with my parents or nursery when I went to work and would have to leave her crying - I would ring to check how she was after I'd gone and she always calmed down and was fine. She would be with her dad and be fine but the minute she saw me she would cry to be with me, trying to even cook was a nightmare! It lasted around 4-5 months and I just had to learn to be tough and not give in and then she stopped almost overnight. I had dd2 when dd1 was 18 months and no problems at all.
Sorry for no direct advice but wanted to say you are not alone!
You have my sympathy, it's hard!

I’ve been there. It’s really exhausting when you just need a minute to yourself to make a cup of tea or put the laundry on but your dc doesn’t want you to be away from them for a moment.

It might sound counterintuitive but if you can lean into it for a week or so and let her have all the cuddles you can give that might really help. She is feeling insecure / scared of change for whatever reason. She needs lots of cuddles / interactions to calm her nervous system and likely a few extra cuddles / songs / playtime will help her get over the hump. I know it’s not easy when you are knackered and feel like you’re already giving everything you have to give.

Oh gosh, 4-5months 😱 I’m sorry you’ve been through it, too, it’s so tough! It seems to have just come out of nowhere, too. There are slight signs it’s improving (namely no longer screaming when she gets to nursery) but I just really hope she’s back to herself by the time baby arrives, I’ve no idea how I’m meant to look after a newborn and her at the same time, I only have two hands! 🙈

I’ve been giving her constant cuddles but it’s not really helping (though it is lovely!) - when we get up in the morning, for example, I’ll sit on the sofa with her and give cuddles or whatever she needs while DH sorts breakfast for us all before he goes to get ready, then I’ll get her ready for nursery and he takes her. Then I’ll pick her up from nursery, play with/snuggle her while DH cooks and then I’ll do bath and bed after dinner, too. I’m really conscious that she’s going through something so trying to be there as much as I possibly can for her but some things are getting a bit too physically demanding now with me being so heavily pregnant and with some PGP and sciatica. And then there are the tantrums and lashing out, where I try to discipline first and then give cuddles and forgiveness after but it’s all just so hard 😢