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Original poster

Teen can't keep a job

14 replies

oldernotwiser73 · 01/06/2023 09:06

Hi, new here but used to post a lot when child was little! They're now 18. They have ADHD and anxiety and are struggling to keep a job. They are doing amazingly at college, have a place at Uni for 2024 (deferred) but really struggle to keep part time jobs. They worked in a food place and stopped getting shifts because owner employed too many people, they left a small shop because they felt really isolated and alone on shifts, and now they work in a pub and they struggle with any criticism or not being able to learn the role fast enough.

I am a massive worrier so keep catastrophising and thinking this will be a pattern their whole lives - maybe because of ADHD? They are on a huge waiting list for medication. I just want to talk to people who will either help me help them or tell me I am worrying over nothing or that I am being an ar** hole because we had a big row last night about it and now I feel crap!

OP posts:
lailamaria · 01/06/2023 10:49

i don't see how you rowing with him about it is going to help anything, plus the first job that you mentioned it's not his fault the manager was a dick, and yes adhd does make it harder to focus like you described about his pub job, plus pub jobs use a lot of dexterity which adhd people have problems with, i don't think you can say it'll be a theme when he's so young and hasn't even been to uni yet

YukoandHiro · 01/06/2023 10:57

Ultimately crap teen jobs are depressing and boring, and so if you have issues like adhd too it will be hard to focus.

Can your DC find something they they are genuinely interested in, rather than just a run of the mill shop or pub job? It might suit them better. Do they have any special interests they can find work around?

What will they study at uni? Do they have any idea about future careers?

Tiger2018 · 01/06/2023 11:29

Does your child NEED the money from a part time job? If so, then its a bit of tough love time - entry level low skilled jobs are crap, but can be made more bearable by meeting new people, developing customer service skills etc etc.

Have they considered looking online for work experience or work placements as well? Might then help them see that the world of work can be more rewarding. Getting started with learning about the subject they are going to study for uni for too.

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Original poster
oldernotwiser73 · 01/06/2023 12:40

I agree, rowing helps nothing but we're not always rational as parents are we? I have apologised this morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldernotwiser73 · 01/06/2023 12:42

No they don't need the money but they want it and enjoy having it, so I have been using that as the motivator to get through difficult times. They have a very definite career path planned and a Uni place in that area but want a job unrelated in mean time to get some quick cash.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldernotwiser73 · 01/06/2023 12:44

You're right, teen jobs are a bit depressing. I think may I am the ar**hole and I am worrying about nothing. Just easy to worry when your child battles with additional needs such as ADHD. They have a career plan but at mo wants to work in area unrelated - I think after 2 years of college they want a break from it before going to Uni so they don't burn out in that area, if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/06/2023 12:45

I woild encourage them to focus on their studies for now. It sounds like trying to hold down a job at the same time is too much and overloading them

Original poster
oldernotwiser73 · 01/06/2023 12:46

Studies are finished for summer very soon, and tbh they don't find it stressful. I don't think that is part of the issue.

OP posts:
Outdamnspot23 · 01/06/2023 12:47

There is no point catastrophising about your child’s future work life based on a couple of jobs at 18. You know they’re still growing and developing, why would that have suddenly stopped at 18? I honestly didn’t grow up properly about work stuff til I was about 28!

Original poster
oldernotwiser73 · 01/06/2023 12:49

Outdamnspot23 · 01/06/2023 12:47

There is no point catastrophising about your child’s future work life based on a couple of jobs at 18. You know they’re still growing and developing, why would that have suddenly stopped at 18? I honestly didn’t grow up properly about work stuff til I was about 28!

You're right. I'm being a tw@t! Thank you. I think I just need someone to tell me this from time to time :)

OP posts:
orchidsrock · 01/06/2023 12:56

He is doing well in his studies and clearly has the ability/motivation to get jobs. I agree with PP, most part time/low paid jobs of this nature are shit.

Doesn't sound like the fast food thing was his fault? With the shop he tried it and realised he doesn't like working alone which is absolutely fine IMO, not something I'd be disappointed about. So it sounds like he's only actually had any real issues with 1 job. I think you need to chill out a bit. Let him find his way.

Tina8800 · 01/06/2023 12:59

In hospitality in my experiences, teenagers only work for a few months and move on. I have never worked in a restaurant or pub with an 18 years old longer than a few months.
There are many reasons for this, but one is that they usually been hired as they work for less money and only keep them for busy seasons.It might be nothing to do with your child.
Even if it does, it's a good way for them to learn and use this experience later on. Be supportive, especially if they work hard towards other things.

Godlovesall26 · 01/06/2023 22:47

Your kind sounds like he’s doing great OP.

Can you try to reframe the job changing as experimenting what kinds of environments he’s comfortable in, or not ? That’s pretty priceless and not a luxury you get as an adult. I have additional challenges and tried tons of stuff as a student because I needed the money, and it helped me see what types of jobs could work in the future (inside my specific uni field), and what types just never again

Godlovesall26 · 01/06/2023 22:50

Godlovesall26 · 01/06/2023 22:47

Your kind sounds like he’s doing great OP.

Can you try to reframe the job changing as experimenting what kinds of environments he’s comfortable in, or not ? That’s pretty priceless and not a luxury you get as an adult. I have additional challenges and tried tons of stuff as a student because I needed the money, and it helped me see what types of jobs could work in the future (inside my specific uni field), and what types just never again

It took me a lot of time (and the process wasn’t framed in my head this way at the time, so it got me down sometimes). But remember you only need one job

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