DH rarely has DC on his own

[Pleasenomorecheese]

does anyone else think their DH is not as vigilant with the kids as you are. I am naturally an anxious person, and often worry something awful might happen if I’m not there. I’ve realised that my DH has only every had our 4 year old alone a handful of times. Most of that is circumstantial- he works ft and I am sahm but some of it is that I think he’ll miss something or if they’re out he’ll be distracted and loose her.
Am I the only mum that thinks this way? I feel awful, he’s a great dad and they have a lovely relationship but I just worry: he can be a bit away with the fairies at times. Maybe I’ll be less anxious when she’s a bit older?

The anxiety doesn’t ever go away in regards to children unfortunately. Have you sought treatment for it? I understand as I am also incredibly anxious regarding Dd.

However you are stopping a relationship that your daughter and your husband both need, and that isn’t fair on either of them. The worst could happen at any time and it wouldn’t be anyone’s fault, even if concentration slipped that’s just normal human life I’m afraid. Everyone gets distracted at times, but that’s not a reason to not allow your husband to spend time with his child.

Thanks for your reply. I don’t think I’m stopping him necessarily- he doesn’t seem to mind. Doesn’t ask to take her out on her own. Is this weird? Or maybe just how our family runs? I think I’m spinning out in my head!

Do you actively prevent it? If so then you really need to stop. He's a good dad and if he's a good dad, he needs some time alone with DC too.

If you aren't actively preventing it, I'm wondering how he's managed to go this long without just taking DC out more than a handful of times.

They spend plenty of time alone-it’s just mostly at home or park/playground

Does he need to ask to take her out?

No. I mean he doesn’t do things like theatre or shopping with her

I'd suggest him do something every weekend with her, it doesn't have to be the things you do with her but maybe something like swimming or the park.

Does he have any hobbies he could share with her? So if he enjoys football, he can take her for a kick about or once the new season starts, he could take her to see his team play or the local team play.

I don’t think it’s weird, it’s just become the norm because I assume you’ve prevented it in the past?

Honestly I do feel for you so much as when Dd is with any one apart from me (even at school!) I do have horrendous intrusive thoughts, but I have been having treatment for this (medication and therapy) and it really has helped a lot. I didn’t want it to impact Dd so I had to do something.

Maybe it’s worth booking a gp appointment and being really open with them about this?

This is a really good idea. I think I do need to encourage him a bit. He’s quite happy with things as they are, but I think they’d both benefit from it.

Goodness. Poor you. Good for you getting the help you needed
I feel bad saying this, but I’m fine when she’s with my mum or preschool. I just think DH is a bit more relaxed and wasn’t raised by particularly attentive parents, so has different standards sometimes. I’m making him sound neglectful-which he’s absolutely not, but I just can’t shift this worry that he’d take his eye off her and something dreadful would happen