6 year old is so miserable

[Mummyyyy2017]

Hi everyone, I have a 6 year old daughter nothing I do can make her happy. I’m honestly at breaking point as I just don’t know what else to do. its got to the point now where I count down the days to her going to her dads for the weekend (I don’t show her but I know it doesn’t help)

She has such an attitude problem, she can be rude, stroppy, ungrateful , extremely emotional & very toddler like. When it’s time to leave somewhere she doesn’t want to leave like the park for example she will have a full blown toddler meltdown & will cry & paddy.
if I say no to something, she will cry or stand there with the bottom lip out.
if I ask her to do something ie; get dressed/brush teeth she will shout NO and again cry
she will not eat a full meal but then complain she is hungry so if I ask what she wants she will say a lollipop & I say no to that as she’s not rated her tea… she cries.
she just seems so over emotional over the littlest things & now it’s got to the point now where the public tantrums are embarrassing I avoid taking her places because I know it will end in tears…
She goes to the park after school & it’s a battle to get her off even after a hour of playing.. I see other children leave when they’re told & they do not react where as she will kick off & It’s come to me not allowing her to play on there anymore because of the way she behaves.
Im absolutely sick of it, it seems like nothing if good enough, I just don’t know what else I can do, I’ve tried bribery, reward charts, time out, tablet taking off of her, no tv, walking away & ignoring & she just doesn’t care.
I feel guilty because I want to take her to new places, days out but I just know in the end it’s not worth it as she’ll just be miserable the whole time so I just don’t bother anymore.
ive spoken to her teachers who have no issues with her behaviour, her dad says she isn’t like this with him, she’s good as gold for everyone yet is an actual nightmare for me. I write this in tears as I know I’ve failed as a parent & even more so when I see how other parents are with their children, she’s just so different it’s like having s 2 year old. I’ve started to loose my patience with her a lot these past for weeks as I’ve just had enough, I dread every day now & this is not how I imagined having a daughter would be.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. I’m open to any advice that can help

I'm so sorry this sounds incredibly difficult. I'm sure someone will have advice but I had to jump on to say you are absolutely NOT a failure!

it sounds like something is upsetting and unsettling her, and my guess is that if she is only like this with you, it is because you are her safe space. She knows she can show her true emotions and you will still love her, and is masking with everyone else.

You're doing a great job and sound like you have the patience of a saint, I would just reach out for help to figure out what's going on. Perhaps your health visitor can signpost you?

Hey op you’re not a failure at all.
i would agree with the other post, she’s unsettled about something and you are her safe space.
Do you think it’s the routine that’s upsetting her? Do you talk through beforehand what you are doing? Does she have a concept of time being explained if that makes sense.
Do you give her lots of cuddles and reassurance? I know this will seem hard if your burnt out, i would be saying come on what’s going on. Is someone not being nice to you at school? Etc

I would go with a really strict routine for everything
including how many times a week she can get treat food. Explain behaviour expectations before every activity. Clear boundaries and consequences. Eg tell her she has 5 minutes left at the park, then tell her last turn and explain if she doesn’t come when it’s time to leave without complaining then she won’t be going to park tomorrow. Stick with your boundaries.

Make sure she is getting enough sleep and enough down time.

Does she get a lot of iPad time?
does she get enough good sleep?

I only ask as ds1 is 7 and oh my god he is a different child if his screen time slips into too much or if he doesn’t sleep properly, or when he’s had too much sugar.

he doesn’t use YouTube at all but does play Roblox, or did until 3 weeks ago when we told him the iPad charger had broken - he’s forgotten it exists now and is so much better!