Contact centre

[anonymous3991]

Hi there wondered if anyone can help with this particular situation, surely someone has experienced similar,

My son’s dad and I agreed through our solicitors to use the contact centre for an hour on Saturdays (supervised) as he had a substance abuse problem he kept hidden for a while, and so this was all I was happy with until he builds back up that trust, my son has also not spent a huge deal of time with him because of these past issues and the fact his dad stays roughly 2 hours away from us. When the centre started he hadn’t seen him in 4 months and when he went to rehab it was 3 months without seeing him. So he has been in and out his life up until now but he seems to have gotten his life more on track now and does want to build up a relationship with him…

However, the problem is that my son is only 20 months, has (pretty intense) separation anxiety (as a lot of kids this age do I’m reassured) and will not enter the room to see his dad without me. Not just that, but I then have to sit in for the full hour, every time contact takes place, if I try sneak out the room to the waiting room my son follows me right out. Because of everything that has happened I find it so hard being in the same room room as my son’s dad and I find it painfully awkward having to week in week out be forced to be in his company. I’m trying to heal from the past still and this is making it mentally very difficult for me and probably for him. I only agreed to the contact centre because I thought this was the safest way he could build a bond with my son and also would mean that I didn’t have to be in his company every Saturday, how wrong I was.

My question, if we let this go to court, would a judge to be able to come up with ideas for contact that wouldn’t involve me? Yes it’s about what is best for the child but mentally this situation really isn’t the best for me, especially as this will be several months of using this contact centre given my son’s age and the lack of their relationship so far. And I don’t see how my son is so far bonding at all with his dad, whilst I’m right there. Also there are no nearby family members able to help facilitate contact anymore…

Advice would be appreciated thank you xx

Can you not come up with ideas of how to arrange contact without you being present? You know your son better than any judge. Who will your son be comfortable with? Another family member? A friend?

Gently, what do you expect the judge to come up with? If your son has seperation anxiety from you thats going to be the same if you're in a contact centre or in any other setting.

If they ordered unsupervised contact, you'd not be happy as you don't feel he's safe with dad and not enough relationship. Your son will still get upset when you leave.
If its supervised by a family member your son is still going to get upset when you leave.
If judge orders contact centre without you present, you'll have to leave your son there with dad no matter how upset he gets.
If it's indirect contact through phone calls etc you'll need to facilitate as your son can't use phone/video call unaided.

Unfortunately I don't see a way of you not being there without upsetting your son, if your son gets upset if you're not there. All you can do is work on your sons seperation anxiety, even though its normal.