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Original poster

Moving from NZ back to the UK

11 replies

Gerberer · 30/05/2023 21:04

Hi all, can you give me some advice please. I've recently moved from the UK to NZ (where I moved from a few years ago) with my Year 9 child, but I've realised again why I moved away. I much prefer the UK, it has a lot more to offer me, my friends are there and I find NZ very conservative and the choice of work is limited. My son loves school here however, it's more relaxed and not so exam based. I can see it's been a good move for him and although I really want to support him, this just isn't the place for me. My choices are either, stick it out here until school is finished in 4 years and I'm in my late 50's and move back to the UK. Or move now before GSCE's start. What would you do?

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UsingChangeofName · 30/05/2023 23:30

From what I have learned about schooling in NZ - I think you should wait until he finishes.

It must have been a MASSIVE change for him to leave all his friends, his life, everything he knows in the UK at that age to start afresh in a different country. If he is settled, I'd wait it out.
Presumably nice for him to get to know his family too ?

When he leaves school, he can choose to either stay in his adopted home or come back to the UK with you.

Apolli · 30/05/2023 23:42

I would stick it out where you are. It's a huge change at that age and life for kids is so much better in NZ.

Anyfeckinusername · 30/05/2023 23:50

Why did you leave the U.K. - you say recently, you must have had your reasons

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SkaneTos · 30/05/2023 23:51

There is an Australia and New Zealand-section on Mumsnet.
Maybe ask for advice there too?
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/aussie-nz-mumsnetters

I wish you all the best.

user1477391263 · 30/05/2023 23:55

Are there reasons for wanting to do it now? Waiting till school is over would make more sense, at first glance…

JussathoB · 30/05/2023 23:59

This is a difficult one. I think I disagree with other posters here. If you are sure you think you have made a mistake, and really want to return to the Uk- you are not just panicking? - then maybe you should go back now. Perhaps have a holiday in N Z before returning if you can.
if you stay until DS has finished school and then you still want to return to UK, he may at 18 want to stay in NZ and you might end up separated from him. But also he would really be very young to be living so far away. So if you are sure you don’t want to stay in NZ then both go back now.

Original poster
Gerberer · 31/05/2023 04:52

Thanks for your comments. They're very helpful.

To answer your questions, I moved us back to NZ mainly because I could see school would be better for my son and we have family in NZ. Another consideration was interest rates going up massively in the UK so I would have had trouble buying a decent home there, and we had already moved 3 times in 3 years because the rental market was difficult in the town we lived in. But it's just as hard here in NZ re the housing market.

And although I had always known I would find it difficult to move back to NZ as I prefer living in the UK, I had thought I could just get on with it. Unexpectedly, my mother passed away since we came back - really glad I was here for her and I wouldn't change that, but not having her around has left a huge hole for me.

I might be panicking now, but it's only because we would have to move in the next couple of months to get my son back in to the local school in preparation for GCSE's....

And you're right, I wouldn't want my son to be without my support at 18 but I guess that would be his choice if he decided to stay. I would definitely want to move back.

Thanks again all.

OP posts:
Namastaymyassathome · 31/05/2023 06:00

Hi OP, sorry to hear about your mum. I have previously read advice (but can’t remember where) suggesting it’s best not to make large life decisions such as moving house within a year of a bereavement.

What would be the pros of moving home? You’ll still have the same housing challenges as you had before you moved, presumably. And you moved for your son’s schooling, so that issue would still be there if you went home. Are there other things for you/your son in the UK that would outweigh the advantages of being in Nz for your son’s schooling?

isthismylifenow · 31/05/2023 06:11

Gerberer · 31/05/2023 04:52

Thanks for your comments. They're very helpful.

To answer your questions, I moved us back to NZ mainly because I could see school would be better for my son and we have family in NZ. Another consideration was interest rates going up massively in the UK so I would have had trouble buying a decent home there, and we had already moved 3 times in 3 years because the rental market was difficult in the town we lived in. But it's just as hard here in NZ re the housing market.

And although I had always known I would find it difficult to move back to NZ as I prefer living in the UK, I had thought I could just get on with it. Unexpectedly, my mother passed away since we came back - really glad I was here for her and I wouldn't change that, but not having her around has left a huge hole for me.

I might be panicking now, but it's only because we would have to move in the next couple of months to get my son back in to the local school in preparation for GCSE's....

And you're right, I wouldn't want my son to be without my support at 18 but I guess that would be his choice if he decided to stay. I would definitely want to move back.

Thanks again all.

Sorry to hear about your mum OP.

Do you think this might be a factor in not being able to settle?

I personally think it would be unfair to move your ds again, when one of the reasons for you going was for his schooling. Try to remember the reasons you left, surely those issues are still going to be a factor.

Apolli · 31/05/2023 09:20

I'm sorry about the loss of your mum. That must be very hard to take. I think the standard advice to not make life decisions while grieving is very sound. You're just not in the right place to really think it through.

sashh · 31/05/2023 11:29

Is DS intending to go to uni? If he is then where does he want to go UK or NZ (or elsewhere)?

If he stays in NZ until 18 and wants to go to uni in the UK he is going to be charged international fees.

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