Please tell me it gets better

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I have a wonderful son (he'll be three in September), who I adore to bits, but it's such hard work! I had no idea parenting would be this way, and I'm lucky in that he goes to nursery during the week to allow me some breathing space and I also WFH. I feel incredibly selfish saying this, but I miss sleeping in, I miss getting that 'Friday feeling' and I miss my weekends. Every weekend is the same: wake up early (5am most mornings is when my toddler decides to wake up), get him dressed, breakfast, then spending the rest of the day trying to keep him entertained until his nap time when I'm afforded maybe a couple hours at the most of relaxation. I miss going out to restaurants, museums etc. We tried to take DS out to a restaurant the other week and he didn't want to sit still. We spent $100 and I had a horrible, stressful experience trying to get him to eat his food and worried he would throw a tantrum and disturb the other customers. Please tell me things do get better. I still don't feel comfortable leaving him alone with a babysitter so that isn't an option.

You are not alone, it can be a weird monotonous hell and oh the drudgery of it all. It gets easier though.

Hi OP, I just wanted you to know I have a 2 year old DS and feel exactly the same sometimes! But my sister who has DC 7&9 tells me it does get easier as they get older. I think pre-schoolers are just really demanding! No advice per say but just to say you're not alone.

It gets easier when you allow others to help raise him. Use a babysitter - use grandparents and get some life back. You don’t have to shoulder all the responsibility alone and you’ll feel dealing with a 3 year old much easier when you’ve had a break.

Well, I can now enjoy a meal out with my kids, they are 7 and 10. As long as the seven year is happy going out for a meal….

I can honestly say I find parenting at these ages harder than it’s ever been. The fighting! They are driving me mad! Having to cajole or force them to get out of the bloody house ( you can no longer just pick them up and force them in a car seat!) The whining, the moaning, the complaining! Sick of having to remind them to do everything sixteen million times. Every single thing feels like a bloody effort!

Sorry OP. But I’m bloody sick of it. I know it’s not what you want to hear.

Well it won't always be that way. Parenthood is about constantly adjusting and adapting to change. Child-friendly outings/restaurants etc rather than taking him somewhere less tolerant of kids & expecting a 2 year old to conform to an adult environment and sit still.

Sleeping in and weekends to yourself are shot for a good while though. Perhaps try swapping the negative thoughts of what you've lost, for positive thoughts of what you've gained.

Don't worry- 3 will be along soon. Each stage has its own challenges; I like to think that we're all uniquely suited to different ones.

Are you a single parent?

No, I'm married, although DS is a mummy's boy so he tends to want me most of the time. Also, my marriage has been very rocky since we became parents. We're currently going through relationship counselling. We definitely don't want another child. My family live abroad, and I don't like to ask my in-laws to babysit too often... they're busy people and they're in their seventies.

I think the major factor I didn't take into consideration when I became a parent was the fact that I'm an introvert who value privacy/peace and quiet... with a toddler, you don't really get those things. I still cringe when I think of the times DS has thrown tantrums in public, even in family friendly areas.

It gets different.
And different parents, and different kids, find different bits harder.
But, it's just a phase. It will change. And hopefully the next stage will be better for you.

Sometimes I think every stage is a new kind of hard, and I don't think I'm suited to any of it, perhaps except the baby stage for me.
It's too much because you have to give yourself up to some extent, and the compensation for that isn't there. It's unfullfilling, I find and takes you over.
Not the children's fault though.

I don’t know, this all sounds so negative. What are your positives? Mine is 20months old and of course it’s hard but the good times far, far outweigh any bad. It’s really no surprise that a toddler wasn’t a fan of sitting still and eating in a restaurant. And you don’t have to be embarrassed at regular toddler meltdowns, it’s part of their development.

I thought 3 was so much easier than 1-2 I have a 3.5 yr old and an 18 month old and fuck me it is hard labour lugging a baby around. I can't wait until he walks reliably and can go up and down stairs without me needing to break my back. Can't be arsed with the hell that is nappy changes and getting clothes on, food splattered on the floor.

I think times have changed where now we literally change our whole life for the kids whereas previous generations the child fitted into your life. It is exhausting and demanding. Im holding out for when they are older and surely it gets easier!

Here's two things to look forward to:

At age 4, he'll go to school, which puts structure into your week and gets him happily away from you for a few hours. Plus he gets really interested in rules which is a nice change from toddler anarchy!

At around 7, they start entertaining themselves in the morning and don't want you up as soon as they get up. That was my experience, anyway, after someone promised it to me when mine were toddlers!

It does get easier. Mine are 7 & 9. Different challenges but there isn't that feeling of having no control over your time any more.
My DS was very much as you describe throughout the toddler years, wanting constant attention. Lovely, but exhausting.
One thing I did at that age was reframe nap-time as MY rest time. I was totally unashamed in enforcing a solid hour or so as rest time in bedroom, even after he'd dropped his nap, because mummy needed it. We kept it up for years and it did all of us a lot of good.

Hi @oldblighty27 no advice but solidarity as I could have more or less written your post word for word. I came on here to vent about my shocking day with my almost 3 year old and how awful i'm feeling and found your post instead!!!
Also an introvert here which makes parenting so much harder. And whilst we've never spoke about it mine and dh's relationship has been shot to pieces since becoming parents.
You're not alone!

@Lemons8519 Exactly the same!

I broke down crying in front of my health visitor today who (along with her colleague she brought with her), took my 4 month old to settle her for me whilst her colleague played with my 3 year old so I could have a minute to calm.

I don’t know whether it’s a combination of having 2 children now, DS being 3 and hating not having my full attention anymore but bloody hell OP, I sympathise with you and DH and I are in a very odd place with it all too.

Surely your inlaws could babysit when he’s asleep? Also do any of the staff at his nursery babysit on the side?

as for the relentlessness of parenting- it’s real, I don’t think it goes but it changes. My advice would be cater to the age of the child, a 2yr old cannot sit still in a restaurant- it won’t last forever but at this age you just need to physically wear them out.

Joining in solidarity OP. I have just been through counselling as I struggle so much with adjusting to parenthood. Love 3yo DS to absolute bits but my God, I'm mentally exhausted and I barely recognise me & DH anymore.

The constant negotiation from sun up to sun down, the meltdowns, the attitude...And no, the good doesn't outweigh the bad at the moment. I too am an introvert and had absolutely no idea it's going to be this difficult and obviously had no idea I would have such a high needs child that is literally on the go non stop and wants attention 24 bloody 7. What helps me though is to remind myself of that feeling I had when I was so desperate to become a mum - how much it hurt every month when I didn't fall pregnant. And if I didn't have him, that pain would be soo much worse than the pain due to my current struggles.

Yep, mental health and marriage is in pieces since becoming a parents but it's not DS's fault, it's mine / ours for not being able to cope. I do think we had unrealistic expectation and our nativity about having a child definitely didn't work in our favour 😅

It changes and you will lower your expectations perhaps to make it nicer.fir me no way would I let them get up at 5,hold them in bed with you till they fall back asleep or be watching cebebbies on an iPad/kindle till 7,7 is when I can function and anytime before that is snuggle time,which is nice too. My point is make the changes you want to make it better.discover soft play pubs perhaps or something you enjoy together?it's really hard for a long time but it's what it is.

Oh, OP, it does get easier, I promise! Mine are 8 and 10, and I remember where you are now, and how hard it was, but it seems like a distant memory. You're absolutely right that it's really hard looking after a 2/3 year old if you're an introvert.

Each age brings its own challenges, but not too far in the future you will get: lie-ins, (vaguely) civilised restaurant meals, the chance to read a book or have a bath in peace, enjoying a film together that isn't Paw Patrol, a child who can dress themselves and get their own breakfast and (the dream) wipe their own bottom, and a kid who will tell you interesting things you didn't know or who tells you jokes that make you properly laugh.

It feels ridiculously hard now, but it is going to get easier. Hang in there.🌷

You're clear you want one child and that's absolutely fair enough - I have a 2.5 year old and he's significantly easier than his older sister at his age as they have each other. I honestly can't imagine how much harder life would be with just one!

You won’t even notice it but I swear, every day they are able to do things by themselves (like play calmly in a room without you) for 2 more seconds.

I don’t know if you’ve potty trained but over the coming months you may see the last of nappies in the day (fingers crossed).

You may be able to get rid of your pram soon! My first DC had his last tantrum soon after turning 3 and got much more reasonable and was able to walk safely down the road.

It will definitely, 100%, get better.

I give my DC a phone to watch if we’re in a restaurant, with earphones if necessary. It’s the only way you get to eat out in peace and I feel no shame about it. By about 4 he will watch a film or just potter off and play by himself. Lie ins and free weekends are shot for about a decade though!

It gets SO MUCH better. In my experience anyway. Baby and toddler years are hard drudgery. I get misty eyed about them in hindsight now I've got surly tweens, but in reality I wouldn't do those years again for any money.

Yes it gets easier!!

It really does. Gradually. 5 up is a good age...