How to prepare DC2 for baby sibling?

[Bunny2021]

I’m halfway through my second pregnancy and I’m really beginning to think how a new baby will affect our son.

Our son is 2 in a couple of months. We’ve explained that there’s a baby coming and show him my bump. He touches it saying ‘baby’. He’s aware of a lot of things and seems to take in a lot of information. However, I’m also conscious that he struggles with words and pronunciation- which in turn leads to tantrums as he’s frustrated.

Does anyone have any tips for preparing him for the arrival of the baby/anything you wish you’d done differently?

Baby signing. Get dc communicating better sooner ime.. Significantly less tantrums with the dc I did a few with...

We're 3 months in now with 2 children!

DS is 3 in July and DD was born in feb. A few things we've done

• try not to tell the toddler he has to wait because of the baby (I.E - not saying 'I can't help you because I'm feeding the baby)
• telling the toddler 'oh look she's smiling at you / she wants to share her blanket with you etc to make toddler feel included
• making sure we spend 1:1 time with the toddler so they don't feel excluded
• during pregnancy talking about them having a brother or sister and how we treat babies etc because they're small
• made sure that on introduction of toddler meeting baby, that the baby was in the bassinet and not being held by us so toddler could have a cuddle if he wanted

Some people will buy a gift from the baby to the toddler when they're born which is lovely however we didn't do that

The only thing I wish I had done was when I went into labour and we dropped him off at MILs, we didn't explain why he was going there and why we weren't staying which I wish I had as he wasn't very settled. I think he knew something was going on but us not telling him confused him bless him.

I have to say though he's been amazing with her. His behaviour has been a little more challenging but we expected that as he's adjusting to having a sibling but we just remember to be a bit more patient

It really is lovely to see them together though! Hope this helps a little. Good luck!

In addition to the above suggestions we bought our son a doll (just a cheapy one) Got him to be gentle and kind to the doll, put her to bed etc. He has been really good with baby and adores her (she's 8 months now).
We also bought him a gift from baby which she "gave" to him when she arrived.
I also got him a "I'm going to be a big brother" book which we read before bed in the lead up.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 😍

I've just had Baby2 (5w old now), toddler just turned 2.5y when Baby2 arrived.

My toddler is very chatty and understands loads so communication isn't a barrier for us. I waited until about 29w before telling my toddler there is a baby growing inside mummy's tummy. By that point, I had a sizeable bump for toddler to reference! We read 'There's a House inside my mummy ' book and also got all the books I could find on new baby and becoming a big sibling from the library as my little one loves stories and reading. I referred to baby as 'our baby', 'mummy's, daddy's and toddler's baby!' and looked back at photos of toddler as a baby together as well, talked a lot about the things toddler couldn't do as a baby or needed help with that are different to now. Toddler goes to nursery a couple of times a week so I asked them to support us preparing for baby as well which they did. We roleplayed caring for dollies at home and at nursery and met up with friends whose children were already big siblings and made a big point of highlighting that to my toddler too. We took toddler shopping for new clothes and asked them to choose an outfit for the new baby too. A different time, we also took toddler shopping for a toy for baby (and we got a Big Sibling gift for toddler too, from baby).

Preparing toddler hasn't stopped since baby arrived either - it's ongoing as toddler finds their new place in our family of 4.

I wouldn't change anything we did before or have been doing since.

Good luck, it's so lovely to see the relationship between toddler and new baby bloom and it really is!

Ds1 was not quite 2 when ds2 turned up. He was totally non-verbal. But got on with his brother immediately.

I read to him hundreds of times- and felt he understood- a lovely book called “there’s a house inside my mummy”. I would highly recommend it. Charming!

I went from 1 to 3.

My DS is 3.

I like to include him in all the things we do.
I never tell him I 'can't' do something because I'm doing something else. I rephrase it to 'I'm just feeding the babies and then when I'm done we can do what you want to do.'

We have one on one time. It could be reading a book, going to the park, the cinema etc. He gets to choose what we do.

Now the twins are 5 months old he's really starting to engage with them and loves making them laugh. So I always make a point of telling him that he is playing really lovely with the twins and they love playing with their big brother and he makes them happy.

I also tell him that they love him very much and in return he always say 'I love them so much too' 🥹♥️.

He's really gentle around them and I honestly thought he would find it harder than he did but he's taking his role of big brother on really well and adjusted so well.

Thanks everyone - really helpful advice!

@febbabies2023 - when you're feeding DC2, what do you say instead of, "Mummy can't do x becuase of the baby". How do you rephrase it? In my mind, I'm worried that's going to be my default response.

I'd just say 'I can help you build a tower in a few minutes. Would you like me to read you a story right now/while you wait?'

I also did a lot of 'sorry baby, I can't do x right now as I'm playing with toddler' even when the baby was totally happy just to show toddler it wasn't just them waiting.

Agree with reading lots of books about it.

And this time round I've found slings invaluable. I really rate the Ergo embrace, very soft for when they're tiny and still my most comfortable one now my baby is 9 months.

Or 'I'm changing baby's nappy right now. Would you like to help (could be passing stuff/singing a song etc)?'

I think it helps if you phrase it more as you're doing something (just like when a toddler has to wait because you're tidying up/eating/in the toilet etc) rather than the baby stopping you from being with the toddler.

@SomeNights - thank you!

One thing my consultant suggested was having a "breastfeeding bag/box".

It is basically a bag or box which has some bits to entertain the sibling in. Just cheap bits and pieces, colouring, pocket money toys, puzzles, role play toys etc. My daughter is older (6) so it has some lego bits, hatchimals in it etc. The idea is that this bag ONLY comes out when you are feeding the baby and the second you finish it goes away again. It means that the stuff in it doesn't get old and it gives the older child something to look forward to while you feed. You can start with a few things in it and add to/rotate/change bits as they start getting old. Sometimes I sneak a snack in there as a surprise too!

I try to phrase everything as a
"Yes of course I'd love to dance with you, play lego with you etc and as soon as I've finished feeding Baby, we will do that. Would you like to do some stickers/colouring/have a cuddle/read a book while we wait?"

@Bunny2021 yes I'd do a lot of what @SomeNights did!

Or say something along the lines of 'mummys hands are busy / full right now. Can you show me how you play with and mummy will come and play in a minute'

I am due to give birth any day so who knows how it'll go but we have been preparing DS2 (27 months) in the ways outlined above. He also understands very very well but his speech and pronunciation is slightly behind.

As well as there is a house inside my mummy, he also adores the book What's in your tummy mummy.

One bit of advice that I have been given, which I wouldn't have done, and prob haven't done a enough of, is talk to them about what it will be like when the baby arrives. I think it's easy to just focus on there being a baby inside you but it's so abstract that who knows what they actually think!

I have a 21 month gap. I did buy DS a doll and we practiced taking care of it. He’s quite a practical kid, so I left nappies / wet wipes etc in reach with a few outfits so he could “help” by gathering stuff for his brother, so he was still getting interaction.

I got good at multi-tasking while BF.

Theyre 18m and 3 now and such good friends. The eldest still helps with nappy changes and loves feeding him etc.

I had less than 2 years between my two... he had no clue what was going on and for the first 6 months barely acknowledged his brother!

Now they are 5 and 7 and mostly get along ok xx