How to put 2 year old to bed?

[Spannersintheworks]

Used to have a great sleeper, now it's all gone to pot! Thought maybe it was naptimes so we've given up on naps, but this hasn't made bedtime any easier or earlier.
We used to just bath, story, song, leave her. She'd chat away and then go to sleep. But now!
If we leave her she cries and cries until we come back. I won't leave her more than 5-10 minutes at a time, but it would go on for hours.
Tried getting in bed with her, reading lots of stories, telling made up stories/singing songs. If she eventually comes into bed with us she now just jumps around and won't settle so that doesn't help either. If I just sit quietly in her room, she jumps on the bed, crawls out head first and just yells and chats and goes on an on.
I am at a complete loss. What do I do?!
How do I put this bloody child to bed?

At this age we would just cuddle them in until they feel asleep.

Is she tired enough? Is there still a nap?

I have 4 children and didn’t have time to out the youngest to bed - she often feel asleep in the couch, maybe watching a cartoon, and i’d carry her up to bed.

Even with a no nap day, it's still a nightmare..she Almost fell asleep at dinner time at 6, but was still awake at 8.30 resistong bed @chillichutneysarnie

I've tried cuddling her.in bed @Summerishereagain .. I lie down with her in her bed, but she won't lie still. If I sit up and cuddle her she just wriggles around.

It's like she starts to wind herself up and up..we do stories and she'll be still for that, look like she might go to sleep and then suddenly is up and wired again.

Same at naptime, so that's gone now, even tho she's completely exhausted mid afternoon. Definitely can't be fighting to get her to sleep more than once a day!

@SuperSleepyBaby I could try just leaving her in my bed while I potter until she goes, but she sometimes wakes when I transfer her. Also, I am worried about encouraging habits I'll then have to change layer on - shortly to have another baby, so would love to have her sleeping sorted before the next one arrives!

Altho I know that thinking along those lines definitely makes me more stressed, and isn't something that's her fault or that she's responsible for, if you get me

My son used to be like that. I ended up putting a pillow on the floor and telling him that I would sleep there. I'm a single parent and struggled without sleep. I needed him to sleep in his own room as he was a noisy sleeper. Once he was asleep I would sneak out if the room. After a few days I moved to the chair on the other side of the room and pretended to go to sleep there. Then once he was used to that I told him I would sit on the top of the stairs where he could see me until he went to sleep (I left the iPad or book there for entertainment). Any finally he got used to go to bed in his own again. I think it took about 3 weeks. There have been a few times where I've had to repeat this but it takes less nights each time. Thankfully he is so tired at bedtime nowdays that he falls asleep immediately most days.

Reading through some of these other suggested threads and maybe it's just a thing at this age.
Has anyone with a slightly older child been through awful bedtimes and then it's just miraculously got better...?! 😂

@niclw thanks for this! Good to know there's an out the other side!
I like this idea of moving further away gradually. I think that and popping out might have to be the way.
My partner works away, so there are stretches of time where I'm on my own, and I can't take losing every single evening to it. You're a saint managing on your own and remaining so calm. It's tough

Have you tried audiobooks/lullaby or calm songs on cd player/your phone? Is she scared about something to do with her room?

@Mummyof287 just started with stories on my phone... She'll lie quietly just about while they're on, but they don't seem to actually send her to sleep. Then she starts requesting more and different specific ones.
I wonder if there's a less narrative thing she could listen to, but more interesting than white noise?
If.i make up a story, she's avidly awake throughout, giving me suggestions and telling me what happens next, when I think the story is over.
She's not mentioned being scared... The odd things about dragons, but I can never tell if she's disappointed they won't be coming in or not! She has a gro clock which provides a bit of light, altho I've turned it all the way down as otherwise it's quite bright.
When does being scared of the dark etc kick in?

When she was still napping, I was assuming she just wasn't tired, but we had a really early start today and no nap, and she still didn't settle. Unless I've missed the window and she's gone over tired?

She's over tired. Hyper behaviour at bed or in the time before is a big indicator.

Have a strict bedtime routine, don't deviate. Same hygiene routine, same songs, same story, then when she's refusing sleep give her the same phrases and direction. Toddlers love and need routine.

We went through a bit of a regression around 2, we stayed consistent and she's a good sleeper again now. It she has a nap she can take a little while to go to sleep but she stays in her cot playing with her teddies until she drifts off.

Absolutely agree that she is overtired. If she is almost falling asleep over dinner, that's when she needs to be in bed. Can you bring her dinner forward to 5pm and have her in bed at 6-6.15pm. That's what we did when we dropped her nap. If she is zoning out and almost falling asleep over dinner, she is recharging her batteries a bit which is why she can then get to 8.30pm.

The falling asleep at dinner time doesn't usually happen, only last night when we had an early start, but maybe if it's a no nap day we do need to bring everything forward.
Thank you. What a palaver!

I think fears can kick in around her sort of age onwards, depending on stage of mental development, maybe even younger, but may not necessarily be that in her case.

You can get various calming music/disney lullabies cds etc.

If she is lying down quietly for awhile but not able to go to sleep, I would question whether she is tired enough to sleep though, what time does she go to sleep and wake up?

DS did this, I entertained staying in his room until he fell asleep for a month tops because when he woke during the night and realised I wasn't there it freaked him out and he started screaming instead. I found controlled crying worked for us - appreciate it's not everyone's cup of tea.

The first night got up to 7 minutes before he put himself back to sleep, second was up to 5 and it slowly decreased until I could put him to bed as usual again and he'd go straight to sleep. He's 5 now and sleeps like a dream, it's another one of those really tough phases but you'll get through it

I can relate to this post so much.

My DS was perfect sleeper up until 2 but now there is nothing we can do. Similar to you we have also tried dropping naps etc.

We have read many books - let him choose books - then we tried audibooks so he could listen until he fell asleep - then we moved to lullabys. We have tried cuddling and he gets up and climbs over us, we have tried sleeping on floor then he sleeps on floor too and again climbs over us. We bring him into our bed and after about 2.5 hours (he has a 7 bed time) he might fall asleep - honestly we are at our wits end.

He fights sleep and we somehow manage to tire him out and he finally falls asleep. Bedtime is a battle but i hope it gets easier.

The strangest thing is that he has self soothed and slept through since about 3 month so it hard reverting back to no evening, and it also difficult knowing what to do as im so used to him putting himself to sleep.

Hope this gives comfort that its clearly the terrible twos.

Do you have a partner? My DS was terrible for doing this for a while and then one day my DH just put him to bed, said goodnight and walked out the door. For weeks I'd been sat on his floor trying to stop him escaping the room for hours until he eventually fell asleep on my lap when apparently all it needed was to change up the routine! He's now nearly 4 and brilliant and going to bed by himself so it does get better.

@Mummyof287 definitely some of the time I suspect she's not tired.. today we were in the car, so she's had a nap, so have no idea what time she's Actually going to be tired enough to sleep. It's quite different on a nap to no nap day. Have no idea how you work it out?!
Might try lullabies and see if that improves things.

@TeddyBeans we have done controlled crying before and it's always worked fine until the next change and we have to reset, but this time it doesn't seem to work. She'll take herself out of bed and run around if we completely leave her. So maybe we'd need a Stargate on her room if we want to go back down that route. I'm not against it, but won't leave her crying for more than 10 mins, and at the moment it doesn't seem to be working. Altho will definitely revisit if this keeps up. Thank you for the suggestion, it's usually effective!

@Optimistic66 same! She slept through from so little completely under her own steam. We've had to do a few tune ups over time, but it's so hard when she's previously been capable! I know that makes me find it harder to deal with because I'm like, come on I know you can do it!
I know a few people with 2 yo and yeah they're all a pain in their ways! Bring on 3!

@mynameiscalypso yes I do..he's here sometimes, but if anything she's worse for him and he gets so worked up. He's excellent in the middle of the night with her, but bedtime doesn't seem to necessarily work. He's away at the moment, but when he's back in a couple of weeks, I'll give him another go and see if anythings changed! Maybe we can send her to the grandparents for a change of pace!

I think you've ditched the nap a bit too early, I see it all the time. They do go through a regression at this age but if you stay consistent they settle back into routine soon. If she doesn't have a nap you shouldn't put her any later than 6. I'd say your problem is that she's getting overtired and that's a big no no for toddlers. If that bedtime doesn't suit your family I'd suggest a short nap, so from 12 to 1 or 1:30pm, then bedtime at 7 or 7:30

How old exactly? Big difference between 24 months and 35 months.

My DD is 2y8m and she's been fighting bedtime and naps for a while now. She still needs a nap but I've worked out that I have to limit the nap to 90mins max and make bedtime later, around 8pm. In terms of getting her to settle, it's a bit of a nightmare but we are sticking to our guns with the routine, going in and out of her room and sometimes leaving her to cry a bit, but like you I don't leave her for more than 10 minutes before going in.

We have a Yoto player and we've had some success with some of the content on there; there is a "sleep radio" with calm music, and various good cards to help children fall asleep, we like ladybird bedtime stories, there are also bedtime meditations etc.