4yo getting anxious about toilet accidents

[Monstermoomin]

So basically, she's had some stomach issues which has led to her having some small accidents when she's been ill and farted or not got to the toilet in time. There's been the odd wee in the kickers too but again a small amount and only when she's been engrossed in something and forgotten.

She will be 4 in a month and is at nursery. Sometimes when they wipe her from a poo (she's not there yet independently) it's not got it all off and there's been poo in her knickers when they've gone up her bum (essentially skid marks but I'm not teaching that phrase to a 4yo).

This has culminated in her pulling down her knickers and trousers repeatedly through the day either saying "I've pooooooooood" quite upset or that she's checking if she has pood. And if there's a skid mark she gets hysterical that her knickers need changing even with reassurance that she hasn't pood herself.

Not sure if it's related or coincidence but now when she wakes in the night she wants to check again.

Me and her Dad are at very different perspectives of how to handle this (and I don't think mine is right either), he keeps telling her she's got to stop checking and it's not normal to need to keep checking 🙄 I've tried reassuring her and explaining she was ill at the time etc and poo in the knickers can be just from not wiping properly etc and I have also told her she doesn't need to check when she's pulling them down (this is when I've been too exhausted and it has been constant).

He has also unhelpfully said she needs to go to the doctor's about it because it can't continue. I've explained they will do nothing but end up using words she doesn't need to be having in her head at 4 (I know they will say she's dealing with anxiety traits around this and she is like a sponge taking in everything)

Anyone had anything similar? Sorry for the long post

Well it sounds like you really don’t think much of your husband

What a really helpful comment

🤷‍♀️ pretty sure that unless agreeing with you and disagreeing with your husband - you would have ignored anyway!

I'm not looking for anyone to agree with me as I said in my post I don't think my attempts are any better. I was looking for those who might have had similar and what they might have tried.

I would start by teaching her to wipe her own bottom.

Also is she constipated? As this can caused overspill and cause soiling.

Start wiping her bum with wipes and also change the type of knickers she uses - maybe get her boxer shorts ones. Tell her something loke "?we are going to use this style because they will help and you won't need to check so much". She should also be wiping her bum independently a bit more at this stage.

Saying she needs to go to the doctors isn't helpful at all. It will just feed into her anxiety. I would just distract her when she goes to check her pants by saying something like "do it later - let's do this for a minute". Or better yest just distract her so she doesn't want to check.

I expect she is anxious because of the fart poos etc.

It will pass. Best thing is try not to make a big deal and over focus on it.

@Summerishereagain we've been trying with wiping wees, and she's struggling with the concept of front to back, but when she's tried to do poos herself at preschool she has got poo everywhere is what we've been told (I think thats an exaggeration as the only clothes in the hazard bags are knickers with some poo on and sometimes her tights too). But she tried to wipe with her dad when he wasn't in the bathroom and he said she got poo everywhere too. But we will keep persevering as she'll need to do it in reception I imagine. No constipation either, she often has loose poo and we're on a long road with the doctors to try to figure that one out.

@Tellmeimcrazy we do use flushable wipes, but I've started to dab her dry with toilet roll as I only noticed today that there's sometimes a drip on her and I think this is why she then feels she's wet her knickers. I think the different style of knickers might be a good idea as she often says her current knickers go up her bum and she gets quite unhappy so maybe it's the feel of the clothing too. Yeah I tried to explain the fart poos happened when she was ill and she's well now so she doesn't need to worry but it's easier said than done I guess! Also wanting to try really hard not to focus too much on it as I don't want it to become obsessional.

This.

She's at the age when some kids seem to regress with toileting but actually it's leakage due to constipation. We had it with my DS and it was so frustrating, until we realised what was happening and he was treated.