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Parenting

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Failing

4 replies

jibd · 28/05/2023 20:34

By way of context my ex husband walked out on me and my children the first lockdown 2020. I have my kids 90 percent of time no family help at all. I have a very stressful job and had to fight to buy house off ex as he was about to go bankrupt (I had no idea) found out all his many nights out weren't as innocent as he said. All in all it's been a shocking few years.

He's now moved on with someone else and is very happy having a lovely life my kids find this very hard and question the time he spends with her children. I try to explain their dad loves them more than anything but his GF also has kids so he sees them because they live with her. Mine won't talk to him about it as he makes them feel bad if they do but they cry a lot to me.

My life is pretty crap. I work and look after kids that's it, it's pretty miserable and other than my kids I don't have much to live for.

I absolutely keep it all away from kids they think ex and I are friends etc and I always try to keep it together.

My youngest has a terror of flies and it's becoming worse and worse each night with her refusing to sleep. I've just spent over an hour trying to sort it and in the end broke down and just sobbed on the floor also then upsetting my eldest. I feel like sh@t and the worst mum ever, so guilty.

I'm not sure what I think this post will achieve. Does anyone have any advice for kids terrified of flies? How to cope all on your own with kids and a busy job? I don't think bank holidays help they are very lonely as a single parent.

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 28/05/2023 20:41

Is there an elsa (emotional learning support assistant) at your children's school? I think there is a lot going on for the kids and the fly thing might just be a overspill of it. The elsa will give them someone to speak with. Have you started divorce proceedings?

jibd · 28/05/2023 20:54

Not that I am aware of I can check though that's a good idea thank you. We are already divorced. I had to divorce him very quickly before he went bankrupt. I really had hoped the kids would come through it ok and have for that reason been very amicable with him (although I haven't felt like that myself), Christmas morning together, birthdays etc. but since he met the gf things have really deteriorated and the children have been very upset.

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 28/05/2023 21:43

Did you make formal arrangements for contact? I don't think that's part of the divorce from my understanding

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User908752157 · 28/05/2023 21:56

Is the fear of flies for real or just an excuse to not go to bed/be with you/separation anxiety? If you do think it's real then re-educate her about flies! Plenty online about how flies pollinate chocolate and clear up poo!! Even take it back to the Lion King and the circle of life.
Be kind to yourself and reframe your thoughts. How can the worst mum ever be the parent who stands by her kids, working and providing for them and comforting them over stuff that she didn't do? You can't afford to talk to yourself negatively, it all starts with cheerleading yourself.

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