Theft of pocket money

[SimSam]

Hi all
i need some advice. I believe my 15 yr old has stolen some pocket money from siblings 13 yr old money box.

In march there was originally 140 in box. Birthday money. i counted the money last week when he was away and wrote the total on a piece of paper with date and amount in box, only 50. I wasn’t sure if he’d used the money or hidden it somewhere in his room. It was busy this week so I didnt manage to ask him about it. Anyway, today he went to get some cash and his money is gone. The paper is still there. i have asked daughter calmly, no shouting no anger, if she took the money and she denies it. I have explained that I understand people make mistakes, or act without thinking about who they hurt and consequences and explained that if she did this it’s possible to apologise and repair the situation. She flatly denies taking the money.

she has been suffering with severe depression and when not bed ridden has been to school and been smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol and buying weed.she gets limited money on a daily basis as needed. It is a complicated situation - she self harms, (extreme case) and made a suicide attempt in Jan. She is in weekly therapy. Last year there was a hospitalisation for 3 months.

i welcome advice on how to support my son - I am concerned he will feel less valued in our family because he has been robbed. I am also very worried he will think it’s ok to steal - if he sees his sister break such a big rule.

She denies taking the money. What would you do???

She has taken the money.

Say you know she has it's probably for weed.

She needs grounding or phone taken off her or whatever punishment you see fit

Don't allow your worries regarding her depression to prevent a punishment.

She needs a consequence. As you can't prove it I'd say don't make her pay it back but she should be grounded or something else. I say this as someone with similar history and I have to say there is a sense of entitlement I've observed in others I crossed paths with in group therapy or inpatient situations in the course of my life. Seeing that really helped me move on if I'm honest. I think if I'd been let off consequences I'd never of got better. Although obviously it's massively more compel than that

Is it just the two kids? If so it's kinda obvious she did it.

I think you should get a new money box with a code or something so money in there is safe and replace the money yourself.

Get your kids debit cards. Much more secure.

She has spent his money on weed. So so many problems there, over and above the theft.

She needs consequences and he needs to see them too.

Hard line parenting needed for sure.

She could have taken the money. But surely your 13yo could have spent it too? How can you be sure which child has taken it?

I second the idea of bank accounts with debit cards.

Thanks for your messages.
yes sadly I know many problems bigger than the theft. but I need to start with one problem first then the next and the next….

i will get my son a bank account and a card. good idea thanks.
i think I will refund him the money. I know that does not fix this, but he should not lose out.I am fortunate that I can afford to do this.

I also feel there needs to be consequences- but I can’t prove 100% that she took it. And I doubt she’ll ever admit it. Right now it feels like she has one up on us.