Unkind to my child

[Mammamia100]

I feel so terrible. I’ve said an awful thing to my little girl and can’t forgive myself. We’ve had mice in the house and managed to get rid of them. I stupidly gave her a biscuit in our room (my own fault) and was unreasonably angry when she later when there were crumbs all over the bed. Totally my fault. I lost it and told her off, and said if we got a mouse I’d put it on her 🤯 I keep crying about what I’ve said, I feel so terrible. She brought it up today and it’s made me feel even worse. I’m so worried she’s never going to forget it and think I’m a horrible mum. I suffer really badly with anxiety and I’m in the process of getting help, but when I’m struggling it comes out as a shout and I hate it. Please tell me I’ve not ruined my child forever can’t believe how guilty I feel😣😭

I'd perhaps suggest reading the book, "The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read". It details very well how, despite our best efforts, none of us will go through parenthood without causing some kind of "rupture", but that it's how we "repair the rupture" that's matters most.

Honestly this is a non event that you are beating yourself up about. Was it ideal parenting, no. Was it terrible, no it wasn’t that either. Just chalk it up to experience. Apologise and move on. If it were me I’d say something like

im sorry I said I’d put the mouse on you earlier. I shouldn’t have said that. Mummy has been really worried about the mice and when I saw the crumbs it made me cross as I was worried they would come back. But that wasn’t your fault. I should have given you a plate to eat it off at the table. I’m sorry I said what I did and I’m sorry I upset you.

then move on

I’ve apologised to her, told her I shouldn’t have said it and I shouldn’t have given her the biscuit on the bed. I am just an over thinking and an anxious wreck at the minute and snapped over something that was actually completely my own fault. Newborn and struggling with 2 and a partner who works away a lot. Finding it hard. Worried she’s going to be scarred and terrified of mice forever. Thank you.

100% this. We wee all feck up our kids one way or another but the question to answer is are you open to them saying you have upset them? Can you allow them to have their emotions towards you? Can you regulate your own emotions or if you get overloaded can you own it and take responsibility for your actions. None of us are even nearly perfect, once you accept that and can navigate the mistakes we all make then your kids will be fine.

Thank you, I will.

Thanks, I will. I’m sure I’ve actually got it somewhere but 2 kids and not a minute and I’ve not had chance to read it. I will though. I do apologise when I mess up, just seem to be doing a lot of it at the minute. 😣

Thanks - I’m turning into a parent I didn’t want to be and need to reset. I definitely know when to apologise, and I do let her express all her feelings, I just bloody lost it, and out of worry over anything else. And all my own fault. I just hate to think I’ve said something that’s really upset her, looked at her tonight and she’s such a good girl and I could kick myself for being so unkind, love her more than anything.