Anxious little ones - tips

[Anxiouschildren]

So we've been referred to the CDC but it's a long long wait... I'm hoping people have tips/strategies for anxious children they can share?

Ds is 4, starts school in September. He has no obvious ND (been through some surveys recently with HV), but he does seem to have ARFID, or maybe food anxiety. Not sure. But he also seems to be anxious in general. Recent issues with toileting, he bites his sleeves, gets disproportionately upset about things like not being able to get a jumper off fast enough, approval seeking and acting out - a lot is hard to put into words, but I recognise in him things I feel (GAD diagnosis 20 years ago, still require ssris, but function fine, am content and often happy).

I want him to feel assured in himself, and not to suffer with anxiety like me. I don't know appropriate tools that work for young children, if that's what I'm even looking at. Can anyone share ideas please?

My eldest (6 now) has always been quite anxious, even when she was a baby.

Things that were helpful when she as 4ish:

• breathing exercises. We tried a few different ones, but what works best for her is to pretend her fingers are candles and blow them out one at a time. Calms her and slows her breathing. Good if she's got worked up about something.

• reading books about feelings and dealing with them. Ruby's worry is good. There are tonnes of books of that type. Its a good way of opening conversation and teaches them vocabulary for how to express what they are feeling.

• explicitly teach how to say what you are feeling. Teach "when, I feel, because" e.g. "when I think about school my tummy feels funny because I won't know anybody".

• tell the school. Don't make a big deal of it, just say you're keeping an eye on it as he tends to be anxious. They'd rather be warned, and they've seen it all before!

Thanks @TinyTeacher those are great tips. He can vocalise his feelings, but the 'because' he usually can't. I've ordered that book, excellent reviews online :) I've already spoken to school senco when we had a parents evening this month.

Does your daughter still struggle? Is it a constant thing that you just provide the tools/support for?

Because takes practice, but it's worth starting early to try and get it embedded. Just model it often and then explicitly mention it occasionally.

She struggles if she's very tired, but she needs much less support now, it's more just the occasional wobble these days.

Your ds has ARFID and sensory difficulties - prob ASD honestly.

Mine is the same, though his anxiety has got much worse as time has gone on, it really rules his life if we're not on top of it. I am currently looking at play therapy for him privately.
He needs a lot of reassurance. I need to help him verbalise his feelings.

Thanks @TinyTeacher , that's really helpful :)

@ClemFandango1 I honestly don't think he's ASD. His issues seem to be anxiety based. Socially he's great, he's not having delays in any areas. These last few days his toileting has been back on form too, I tried a different approach. He seems to be just very lacking in confidence. I was always more suspicious about adhd than asd, but that's hard to distinguish this young, without experience.

I'm not even sure of an arfid diagnosis anymore tbh. I'd be anxious too with his medical history. He was cmpa and SEVERE reflux as a baby, failure to thrive. We were instructed by multiple nhs professionals to force and sleep feed him milk or end up with a tube. He developed milk aversion (because they wouldn't give omeprazole or amino acid formula until 6 months), which we dealt with using a program from rowena bennett (he loves milk still...). But he developed solid aversion and that never really resolved.

This week I've been talking to him about my experiences (all child friendly, like when i lost my job last year or when i had a test) to give examples of my being worried, and explained how I felt at the time, and how i coped. He asked questions and mainly whether i felt scared. He's tried 2 new foods this week, and actually ate one of them, half a slice of birthday cake yesterday (his safe foods are consistent foods like plain pasta, cheese, crackers, that are always the same with no taste variation, so not junk food). This is huge for him. We've also switched from regular to baby bananas, which I assume are sweeter (I hate bananas so don't really check) and he'll eat 5 in 20 minutes extremely happily, and shows off about it.

Im rambling, but it's so tricky with non standard children. My second is a cakewalk in comparison, eats more in volume than her big brother (she's 15 months), and eats everything. I just don't want him to struggle like I have.

Children with ASD can be sociable and they can excel academically. It is a spectrum.

What are those of you talking about asd seeing that I'm not? I'm aware it's a spectrum, and he has academic parents (both stem, me phd) so is likely to be bright. If there's something to spot, I want to see it.