Losing my joy in parenting.

[YeOldNoName]

I have 3 DS's. I love them all 🥰.
I am really struggling to find joy in this anymore. My older two have additional needs and are 14 months apart in age. One is quite..... aggressive at times whereas the other one is like a puppy, innocent and happy but very VERY loud all the time.
Every minute of every day (other than when they are at school) is spent supervising, refereeing, listening to them talk to each other like poo. Arguing, whinging, snitching.
I have no motivation to take them out anywhere for the day, it's never good enough what I do anyway and they always ask for more and more. If I'm to buy them things, the second they see something else they want, they ask and are just ungrateful. They don't look after anything. If we sit down to play a game, they argue or whinge.

I've spend the past few years filling in all the autism forms and it literally feels like I've spent all that time b*tching about my DS's and I swear it's made me resentful.
They are my life, I would be a shell of a being without them but I just feel kind of numb. 😞

Please tell me I'm not a terrible mum because I do feel like I am. 😔

you're not a terrible mum its very hard

Aw that sounds so so tough honestly, you're not a terrible mum in the slightest. I think you're just exhausted with the relentlessness of it all, and maybe you're going through a low mood phase at the moment too, whether it's hormones or just cuz of the way life is at the moment.
I'll be honest, I'm going through similar feelings with my 2 DC who are 3 and 1 and I'm pregnant with 3rd child. I can honestly say I have moments of resentment towards them, days even, and I feel like I spend some days just telling them off for fighting, hitting, snatching toys, not sharing, hurting each other and then feel absolutely awful that that's all I seem to have done all day. And it makes me feel terrible too, so I can completely understand where you're coming from.
But reading your post, I wouldn't call you a terrible mother at all, there's just a lot going on for you and kids have a way of draining the energy and fun out of things sometimes (a lot of the time). it's clear you love your children and I suppose the fact that you are feeling guilty for feeling this way is an indication of how much you aren't a terrible mother. I haven't any advice for you I'm afraid, I'm still at toddler stage and probably need some advice myself on how to cope better. But I just wanted to jump on here to tell you you're not alone.
Hugs

Thank you ☺️☺️

You are absolutely not terrible but the reality is like so many other parents these days have taken on way more than you can handle. No one knows how their kids will develop or what their needs will be and by having more and more less time and energy are left. More need to think about this before having kids.

get as much help as you possibly can and do your best that’s all anyone can do and you need to rest yourself.