Is this normal for a (nearly) 11yr old boy?

[bunnyrabbitsandbutterflies]

Ok, so DS2 is 11 in a couple of months, I'm finding myself having to repeat myself constantly. It's driving me mad. Every single damn day without fail, the same reminders.
"Take your school bag upstairs."
"Don't leave your trainers in the living room."
"Close your bedroom drawers / wardrobe door when you've taken your clothes out."
"Remove the pile of crap off your bed before sleeping in it."
"Put your dirty washing in the basket."
"Don't leave your drawings on the sofa."

Is this normal? Am I expecting too much? He remembers to do other things like pack his snack / water bottle for school, organise his books etc. Why does he just not remember to do certain things? Could it be that he sees these things as pointless?

I have an older boy who's quite responsible and doesn't take any prompting at all. Maybe I'm comparing the two and shouldn't. DS2 starts secondary school in September. I'm worried he'll struggle.

Is this a normal boy thing?
DP (not dad) reckons he was the same at this age. I don't know whether I'm just a horrible cow and need to realise he's still a kid and his head is in the clouds!

My same aged son is the same. I have to remind him constantly about stuff like that.

I've started giving him jobs that he has to do at set times. So cut the grass once a week on a Sunday afternoon and put the bins out once a week for collection. I'm hoping that if he gets in the habit of doing bigger more responsible jobs, he will improve on the smaller things.

My DS is 12.
I could record the same stock phrases onto a CD and just play it on a loop.
Very similar phrases to yours.
He has to be reminded on a daily basis to brush his teeth, put his plate in the dishwasher, put his pants in the wash basket. Even to flush the chain after having a poo. Everything I say it's like he's asleep. Just looks at me. "Huuuuuuhhhh?"
It drives me absolutely. Fucking. Bonkers.

He has a little sister. She is up, dressed, teeth done, making her drink for school, tidying her room.....while he's like that Sloth from Zootopia. Except slower and sleepier.

Sounds like normal kid behaviour to me, regardless of sex! I'd pick my battles though. I couldn't get worked up about open wardrobe doors or drawings on the sofa. But I'd be reinforcing the dirty washing in the basket, etc. Maybe - whoops - his favourite hoody doesn't get washed for that party he's going to because it wasn't in the basket, what a shame.

Yes, normal boy thing. And I still have to tell my DH some of those things too.

Not just a boy thing - I have a just turned 12yo dd who is exactly like this, perfectly capable of organising school stuff and anything she needs for hobbies etc but just doesn’t see value in putting things away/ moving stuff from where she dumped it as she walked in the door/ having any sort of order in her room etc.

Ah phew! Thanks for all the replies. Good to hear we're normal. Whatever normal is!!

I like the idea of giving big weekly tasks like cutting the lawn!

I'm not sure i'll be successful in getting him to do the smaller tasks as a result of cutting the lawn, but he does seem to enjoy doing it.

I thought it was worth a try and it means me or DH dont have to do it.

Not a boy thing.

I have three boys, one like this, two not.

just a kid thing.

Oh gosh yes, normal and also mind-bendingly annoying 🤯
I have one the same age. The biggest bugbear at the moment is the clothes pile cycle.
I put them washed and folded on his chair or bed.
He ignores them until he wants to sit/get into bed.
He pushes the pile on the floor.
I insist he tidies.
He puts the whole lot in the dirty laundry...sigh
I was so determined when he was little to raise a man who wasn't a useless bloke type but it's an uphill struggle.

I felt like I was repeating myself like that until DS moved out at 18. I was reluctant to let him go as I wasn’t sure he’d be able to look after himself. And yet he suddenly just grew up, started doing things for himself and taking responsibility. He had to, and he chose to put himself in that position as he felt that if he stayed at home he would always just let someone else do it. He’s 19 now and supports himself mainly, goes to uni, has a job and a car etc. I’m not sure how tidy his house is, but he is learning!

i hate the ‘it’s a boy thing’- I think we should expect the same standards from boys as girls.

I have one dc (a girl) who would do this if left unchecked. So I have a list, pinned on the fridge of 6 (pretty basic) expectations, including putting dirty clothes in laundry, hanging up blazer after school, shoes on shoe rack. Very basic. And if she doesn’t do them she misses out on weekly sweets. This has happened once, and then she adopted new habits sharpish, and I reckon I could remove the list from the fridge and she’d still do this as its been since December so it’s ingrained.

Oh goodness my son is like this too! So so messy and unorganised.

My daughter's 12 and I have to nag her constantly. She never needed nagging before. She was always so tidy and urbanised. Now everything's such a battle.

I would suggest that if he’s struggling domestically then focus on that. Get him to do the laundry, hoovering it ironing. Don’t allow him to opt out of housework and leave the females to ‘remind’ him

Please don't make this a ‘boy’ thing. It’s true of many 11-12 year olds whatever sex. They’ve usually been mummied all the way through primary school and it’s not in their mind at all to pick up after themselves. It’s no big deal either imo - choose your battles.

Mine's still like this at 17. It's because it doesn't matter to him. He does the big stuff and I end up not badgering about basic tidiness to save our relationship. I hate to let him leave home like this!

My 9 year old DS is exactly the same. I now bribe him to put his clothes away etc with ‘tasks’ on the go Henry app. He gets an extra 50p a week on his card (added to his standard £2 a week pocket money) if he puts his washing away all week and an extra 50p for putting his plates in the dishwasher. I also tell him if his clothes aren’t in the wash basket they don’t get washed.

Manages to sort his own snack for school out etc without prompting just the ‘boring’ stuff he has to be nagged at for!

Although 38 year old DP isn’t much better…. Maybe j should start bribing him with pocket money too 😆

I have girls 11 and 13 they do this. They don't listen to me at all.

Same with my 15(!) year old daughter. I've learned to just close the door to her room after she leaves for school - this way, she will tidy it up when it starts bothering her (probably that same evening), and I don't have to look at it in the meantime.
She's fine now tidying her stuff from the common areas.

Just to add: this issue falls firmly into the "pick your battles" territory for me. There are many bigger issues that are more important that I've stopped nagging about this, otherwise all I do is nag (and anyway, I think I nag too much).
An exception is when she has guests. My rule is that there are no clothes on the floor when her friend or boyfriend come to visit.

Agree it's an (individual) child thing. Some are like this, some not, and entirely typical at 11 - 12 & upwards. Not sex-related.

I think it's due to what they consider important. And generally, they are disinterested in putting away shoes, bags, washing ... but quite capable of organising themselves when it matters to them.

I've 3 DC. Eldest (girl) could rule the world, highly competent but dear God so messy, a trail of detritus left behind her. Even when I say it to her, she doesn't clear up - she claims not to 'see' it.

Two younger boys, youngest 11 is highly efficient, older 13, nearly 14 is a nightmare, has to be reminded of everything down to putting on deodorant & brushing teeth 😩 I've tried leaving him to his own devices - he really won't do it. However, my mum came to stay while I was away & apparently he was organised, capable & got on with it. It must be just to drive me nuts.

My nearly 11 yr old son is the same but he's also dyslexic which messes so much with his organisational skills and short term memory so for him it's understandable.

Nearly 12 year old girl Dts are exactly the same.

Oh goodness my seven year old daughter is like this and I was hoping she would grow out of it 🤣.
Sympathy