Sister wars. Who is right?

[Chiloquin]

So my sister and her kids come over a lot and they are always so messy. Last time she came and stayed over I was really annoyed and she and her older son could tell I was frustrated by the mess. I was quite angry and didn't really hide it well as I was also coming down with something. She says she tries to be tidy but I feel like I'm constantly telling her to clean up after herself and the kids.
After leaving, she hasn't come back to my house and has now said that they won't come back because she feels as though she can't adhere to my standards of tidiness. She says we can go to hers or meet up outside but she won't even let my nieces and nephew come over anymore because she didn't like my reaction and feels like I can't be that way if they don't come over to make the mess. Our dad said that she's causing a divide now by saying that she won't come back.
Am I being unreasonable?

Seems fair enough.

Would you go somewhere you felt unwelcome and on edge the whole time?

she has offered an alternative

Sounds like this is a plan that would suit both of you. Your dad needs to keep his beak out.

What's the problem? You don't like having her at yours, so she's said she'll see you elsewhere.

I think it's fair enough. She didn't feel welcome and she wasn't welcome. She hasn't cut you out completely or anything.

I think it's ok if you can't stand mess to not let people make a big mess in your house, but equally it's ok for her not to want to come over any more or to let her DCs come over.

She was fine to say that she didn’t want to come over and feel on edge (impossible for us to judge on your post whether she was overly messy or you are unreasonably uptight). However it’s sad that she doesn’t want to meet up at all any more. Meeting up outside would have been a good option.

I think she is being perfectly reasonable.

You don't like the mess that she and her children create. She feels like she and her children can't meet the standards of tidiness that you expect. She has therefore suggested that you meet in a setting where this won't be an issue for either of you. What's the problem, exactly?

Tbh, I wouldn't want to go to my sister's house if I felt that I just couldn't relax there.

but I feel like I'm constantly telling her to clean up after herself and the kids.

Honestly, why would you go somewhere if being there meant you couldn't relax and made you on edge, trying to please someone else and being told/shown that you're annoying?

She also offered an alternative solution. I think YABU to be honest.

But she hasn't said that she doesn't want to meet up at all. She said that the OP can go to hers or they can meet up outside.

Her suggestion is very reasonable, not sure what the problem is. If she doesn’t feel welcome in your home, she doesn’t want to be there.

It’s a non issue and really shouldn’t be seen as causing a divide. She still wants to see you, just not at your home.

And I agree with the pp who said that your dad needs to butt out.

The only unreasonable person is your dad.

Yanbu to hate the mess and having to nag.

She is nbu not to go to your house and stop niece and nephew visiting too.

It's the perfect solution - your house remains tidy and your sister and her kids don't feel crap being told off for being messy.

Why is your Dad getting involved - do you live with your parents?

No we don't live together. But he's not normally in town and has come to visit

Wow your nice and welcoming you couldn't even put up with a bit of untidiness for a few days just to see your sister,niece and nephew. Bit overboard if you ask me I wouldn't want to come back to yours or visit. Hardly like they were coming to live with you!!

Oh and btw your are so so wrong allowing your dad to be involved. Grow up and stop getting him involved your an adult right! Go frigging sort it life's to short for goodness sake. Family means much more than a bit of untidiness which is natural around kids. Get on that phone to your sister and get apologising or something

Your sis doesn't feel comfortable at your house. At least one of her kids feels the same.

You've made it clear that you don't appreciate the mess they make.

To overcome this, and to ensure you can all continue a close relationship, she's come up with the solution of meeting at hers instead.

I can't see she's being anything other than reasonable.

It doesn't sound like her last visit was much fun for either of ye. Surely this is a result?