How much food is too much for a 6 year old?

[Socksforall]

I’ll start this by saying that both DH and I have a skewed view of how to eat healthily.

I grew up with parents who often shamed me for how much I ate, and ended up with EDNOS at age 17.

DH was an obese child from age 8 and had a very limited diet. His DM was a feeder who showed her love by cooking all his favourite (and unhealthy) foods. He’s still overweight now.

So, DS is 6.5. I’ve always told him to listen to his body, and I know that younger children stop eating when they are full. But when does that stop?

He must be having a growth spurt as he is very hungry. But DH thinks it’s ok to give him 3 slices of toast for breakfast (as an example). I think that is far too much for a child. Or at least replace one slice of toast with something else to balance it out. At the weekend we had fajitas. I am always full after 2, DH after 3. DS had two and asked for another. I said no, because it’s not ok for a 6 year old to eat as much as a 95kg man. He had a petit filous instead and was fed after that.

Am I turning into my mother? I don’t want to give DS food issues, but I also want to teach him self control and to listen to his body. DH acts like I starve DS and and am withholding food from him.

I feel so clueless. Sorry if this post is all over the place. I just don’t know what to do.

Portion size is very important in not gaining excess weight. I think your instinct to ‘balance out’ the toast with something else is a good idea … more protein is helpful for a feeling of fullness and for nutrition for a growing child. Maybe add a hard boiled egg? Other good options could include apple or banana?

I'd highly recommend reading up on children's nutrition especially with your concerns about perspective. SR nutrition is absolutely brilliant, here's her blog about portion sizes.
https://www.srnutrition.co.uk/2022/04/how-much-food-should-my-toddler-be-eating/

She also has an instragram.

I'm absl evangelical about her because following her advice has meant our 3yo eats everything including olives!

I would say that petit filous are not ideal as they're high in sugar. Offer balanced meals and let his appetite dictate how much he eats.

It’s tricky because you don’t want to be too obsessive or restrictive about it in case that backfires. On the other hand you want to encourage good habits and discourage bad habits.

I think you're right in trying to find the balance. I'm overweight and I'm full after 2, occasionally push to 3 fajitas, so wouldn't think it's right for a child to eat 3 of them.

Sorry idk why I thought your child was younger.

I have a 6 year old and what your son is eating does sound a lot, but then i have smaller eaters. Would offering fruit or more veg instead of extra portions of the main food be an option so 2 faijitas and then some chopped up pepper, cucumber and cherry tomatoes if still hungry or 2 slices of toast then an apple if still hungry. Plus think about if he is drinking enough, he could be mistaking hunger for first. I know my two often don't drink enough

Drinking milk with meals might help as it contains protein as well as other nutrients.

The problem with MN is that every single thread like this gets normalised regardless of how much food the child is eating. Users will jump over each other to tell you it's "normal" but it's not, clearly as demonstrated by the obesity crisis and how many unhappy adults there are.

Going by plain common sense, if the child is eating the same as an adult portion then it's too much. "Adult portion" as an objective average, not what one specific adult in the family would eat. By society's standards, two slices of toast with an egg and a tea/coffee/juice is an average breakfast. So a 6 year eating 3 slices of bread is too much. There was a study that just came out showing that obesity is an problem with feeling full, and too many children get trained to require vast amounts of food before feeling satiated. This leads to lifelong misery because they are either always hungry or obese.

When DD started solids, there was a guideline that babies/toddlers should get 1/4 of an adult portion. So we simply stuck to that without make a big fuss. If she wants seconds then she gets a little bit more. If she still wanted some I told her to wait 10mins because it takes a while for the brain to tell the tummy it's full. 95% of the time she realised she was full anyway.

Now a bit older, DD is roughly 30% of my body size and weight so she gets 1/2 an adult portion. There is no judgement or shaming. You can see it as you, the parent, deciding what the portion is beforehand and enforcing that decision without conveying anything to the child. If they want seconds, give them a little bit more. And if they're still hungry, have them wait 10-15mins or offer a very small treat (1 square of chocolate, a few gummy bears) as dessert. That effectively closes the meal situation and everyone is happy.

There seems to be a huge fear and taboo around "restricting" food for children. Not letting them eat anything is restriction. If they have already had a healthy meal size in relation to their body weight and nutrient requirements, then not giving them more food is informed parenting. It can easily be done without shaming the child or making them feel food is associated with virtues like good or bad. Just deflect the situation by telling them it's time to do something else, serve a small dessert (reward) or devise another ritual that they associate with the end of mealtime. Order smaller portions when you're out so that there is simply no food left on the table and they will automatically accept the meal is over.

My DD is going through a hungry phase and I sometimes say wait half an hour and then I’ll get you more if you’re still hungry as I don’t think she gives herself the chance to realise she’s full. I would say what you describe is too much but most importantly keep those conversations away from your DS

Was the fajita well balanced - as in it had protein as well as plenty of veg, plus carbs from the wrap? It so I would lean towards leaving him to have as much as he feels he needs; different with the 3 slices of toast where I would have encouraged fruit, veg and/or protein rather than an extra slice.

My DS (ten but on the small side) simply loves fajita wraps and muggy ask for another when really all he wants is the wrap. As long as he has eaten plenty of protein and veg already I'm happy for him to have an extra wrap on its own which works for us. Basically I don't restrict portion sized (both my kids are on the skinny size, maybe a different story if they weren't) but I do steer them towards balanced choices.

Oh yes and make sure he is drinking plenty of water with his meals too

I recommend reading (or listening to the audiobook) ultraprocessed people by - can’t remember the author, but he has a twin and does a children’s tv show. Anyway, one thing which can cause children to overeat - even young children - is that some very processed foods can override the usual mechanisms we have for regulating food intake.

I don’t think you can rely on the fact he is 6 to curb his appetite: there are plenty of very overweight children from toddler onwards (particularly bottle fed) and the stats on reception age children in the UK have shown greater levels of overweight year on year.

Ensuring that your ds has plenty of fibre and is eating food without additives and flavourings will be helpful.

I grew up in a family with healthy, balanced approach to eating (all siblings and parents an healthy weight as adults) and have three healthy weight kids aged 3-8.5y. I give them fairly small portions but don’t actively restrict if they want more of something they’re enjoying. They’ll often have 4 weetabix or a whole bagel plus fruit (more than I would eat). As long as it balances out across the day/week I don’t worry.

Personally I think the harm comes from overly large portions as standard, too many sugary snacks as standard, unlimited fruit or juice, not enough vegetables (which fill them up and are healthy). I limit sugar but not food and pretty much always say yes to more as long ad they’ve eaten a balanced main.

That feels balanced and unrestrictive to me. They go through phases of eating a lot or a little. If his weight is healthy (you can see his ribs) and he’s active and eating generally healthily I wouldn’t restrict savoury food.

If he wanted a 3rd fajita, is he getting enough veg/salad?

That's what I would've told my kids to have more of instead.

I would have offered them the filling, so the chicken and veggies. How much does he eat in a typical day? School lunches are tiny portion wise! Is he active? My 4.5 year old never stops moving, and so I worry less when she goes through a ‘bottomless pit’ phase!

Thanks for all the replies, it’s been interesting to read.

DS generally has a good and balanced diet. When I am feeding him he‘ll have for example weetabix/ toast/ cereal and fruit for breakfast. School snack is crackers/ rice cakes and fruit or veg. He comes home for lunch and we eat chili or curry with rice, sausage with pasta and veg etc. I always try to make sure there is a good balance of protein and carbs and he loves veg so no problems there. I never give him an adult’s portion. Afternoon snack at school is only fruit or veg. Then dinner is often a sandwich with hard boiled egg, sliced meat, fruit, nuts and yoghurt. Or quesadilla with veg on the side. Scrambled egg on toast etc.

The problem is DH. He thinks DS needs more, and will stuff him full of bread instead of either making him wait or offering something else. We just spoke about it again, he told me not to starve DS and that I should feed him if he is hungry. He said DS is not fat (he’s always been mid percentile since he was born). I said it’s not about being fat, it’s creating good habits.

Reading through the replies has reassured me that I am feeding DS well. Now how to get DH on side?

Most shop-bought “bread” is UPF, it’s a monstrous thing to do to stuff children with it.
Real bread should only have four ingredients - flour, water, yeast, salt.
And even then it should be eaten only in one of the daily meals, either breakfast or lunch.
Dinner should be substantial in fat, protein, veg. Doesn’t need to be very carby if lunch was carb-heavy.

I’d ditch cereals altogether, they are UPF. I’d offer either:
Porridge with fruit and dried fruit (no sugar, no oil glazing)
Two pieces of toast (one with scrambled egg, one with peanut butter - not the palm oil variety).

When mine is asking for food between meals, I make small snack bowls with 3-4 types of food (fruit/veg/nuts/slice of cheddar) - the combination of many flavours seems to satiate, even if it’s very small quantities. Often I do slice of cheddar, cucumber, cherry tomatoes or carrot, and a few walnuts. Much better than toast.

Put your foot down, OP. Your DH doesn’t understand how important this is.

I just downloaded the fact sheet but there doesn't seem to be much guidance on the age of the toddler? Surely there's a big difference in what you feed a one year old and three year old?