When does it get better?

[Emfrancesca]

I have a 7 week old little girl and I absolutely adore her, she is my favourite person in the world and I love her so much but I am finding myself slipping back into the same negative feelings when she has a bad day of crying and whining.
When we have a good day I can't stop telling her how much I love her, kissing her and holding her close but then when we have a bad day I just feel like I can't be bothered and I have no patience. I don't even think she is a difficult baby, she had spent the last week sleeping from 11-5am and has been fairly relaxed during the day. But last night she wouldn't sleep until 1:30am and then she was back up at 5am for a feed. She is more irritable this morning too and I just feel like for god sake will you go to sleep! I am finding it especially difficult as the weather is getting warmer and she won't let me put her down, so I'm bloody boiling holding her warm little body and walking around trying to soothe her off the sleep.
I just feel like a terrible mother, I have always been a pessimistic person so the bad days affect me quite badly even though they are less frequent than the good days.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Have you found things have got more enjoyable as they've gotten older and you're able to interact with them?
I feel like I'm constantly wishing her life away because I'm so desperate to enjoy looking after her and being around her.

Carry her in a sling with her naked but for nappy and have a muslin between your skin and hers to soak up the sweat.

It gets better when:

they smile, and laugh
kiss you (most babies just lick, though)
sleep (still waiting for that one second time around 🤪)
sit up unsupported so they can play solo
discover their hands and spend hours staring at them
go for longer periods awake so you’re not constantly up down up down just doing nappy-feed-sleep in an endless rotation
clap and play
when they get their first few words so you finally know what’s wrong/right

I’m purposely not giving timelines because when I was a FTM and people told me it got better at six weeks when crying peaked, it broke me because the crying didn’t peak or stop til 18 weeks 🙃🙃🙃

I can tell you that the days are long, endlessly so, but they do pass. My “nearly broke me” DD is now four, sleeps through (most nights), and this morning got up, went to the loo, got dressed, and woke me at 7.30am so we could have breakfast. It does though get harder in some ways: when they stop napping (where’s your free time?!), when they don’t stop talking, when they tantrum, etc. peaks and troughs throughout.

Really sorry you're having a hard time OP, do you think there's a chance you might have postnatal depression? The feeling like a terrible mother, pessimism and bad days affecting the good are red flags for me as I felt the same - not all the time but it kept coming and going and finally I realised that maybe it was PND and spoke to the GP who was lovely, acted really quickly and have started guided self help which has helped a lot already and been referred to a mental health mum and baby group in my area. I think just acknowledging I was struggling and sharing how I was feeling with my partner and family also helped a lot and knowing it wasn't my fault and that this is an illness that affects a lot of mums. I've been having so many more good days than bad and it's helped me to cope with the tricky days. So I'd definitely consider speaking to your health visitor or GP, they will want to help.

When I first had her about a week or two after I felt really low, I didn't know why we made the decision to have a baby, I was mourning our lives before her cos it was so easy and fun and I could not stop crying. But as the weeks went on those feelings went and I don't get them anymore, I just find her crying and irritability really difficult. I am definitely someone who is more likely to become depressed I think because I am such a negative person and I have spoken to my HV about it and I am open minded about it but I honestly don't think it is PND. If she's having a bad day while my other half is at home I don't feel the frustration, it's just when I'm on my own with her.

@Emfrancesca i have 4 DC, if I’m to be brutally honest, I have many days when it’s all too much, when the crying or whining or whatever is just too much. Unless you think there’s actual cause for concern in your behaviour, please be assured that your feelings are normal. Such is the grind of life.

In terms of the baby, things will get easier, of course they will. You are both figuring each other out, please give yourself a break, and a pat on the back for the work you’ve put in so far! Well done!

Not what you want to hear but I feel the same as you most days and my son is 9 months. Still waiting for it to get easier

I think you are putting loads of pressure on yourself to enjoy every moment and only have positive loving feelings.

Of course you can't feel like that all the time! Babies are lovely and inspire great joy and love and warmth.

But their demands, their not sleeping, the anxiety, all of that also comes with them, and takes every ounce of your emotional maturity to be able to manage.

Soon she will be a toddler and she will drive you insane with her demands and irrational moods and general impossibility. (She will also look incredibly cute and be an absolute delight).

I would only worry if things get so that (a) you never have any good times and (b) you start to feel paranoid/persecuted by her all the time (eg "she hates me, she must do because she cries so much", "she wants to ruin my life", "she would be better if I were a better mother".

If you start feeling like that, you might be slipping into PND.

You are not alone.
I have said to everyone I really did not enjoy motherhood foe the first 3months. I hated it. And I felt like an awful mother. Literally just survival mode it slowly got better. My LO contact napped even though I fought it and listened to this damn sleep consultants. In the end I embraced it and listened to my gut. By 7months he would sleep alone no contact naps.
Fast forward 20months he swlf settles to sleep for naps and bedtime and sleeps all night.
It gets better no format just every baby is different. I found I was happier and better off just accepting it and saying every day this shall pass this will get better and it did.

I so honestly mourn then newborn stage I never got to enjoy it. Not newborn photo shoot. My LO was so difficult and high needs. He is still clingy through out the day but that's is his personality type.

But Yes it does get better.