I have small kids - how can I feel like me again?

[ChamonixSky]

I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. I love them to bits, obviously. But parenting is relentless and I feel like I'm either working or looking after kids. When I do get a bit of free time, I'm so exhausted I just end up wasting it, watching trashy tv etc. I read somewhere that you're never exhausted because you're too busy, but because you're not doing enough of the things which bring you joy. So, people with small kids - what do you do which brings you joy / fills your cup / makes you feel like you again? And how do you fit it into your life?

Watching this post for inspiration!

I have 8,3 & 9 month old...

The slog is REAL ❤️

I had three under four, and to be completely honest with you I didn't truly get back to feeling like me until the youngest was 3yo.

However, to answer your question, reading and running are my "bring me joy" things.

Have a shower and get actually dressed. Not just put some grungy t shirt and jeans on, wear something that makes you feel good, maybe do something with your hair that’s not just tie it back, possibly even a spot of make up if that’s your thing.

I also started a degree and took up self defence classes but the key is just to get some time when you are not doing mum duties but fufilling your own needs. Even a short walk on your own can help you spin on your own axis

Take time for yourself when you can. Go out occasionally without the children (not easy I know!). See old friends, have a laugh, talk about things other than your children. What did you enjoy before children? Do that again whenever you can. For me it was going to gigs so I started doing that again and I remembered who I used to be. My husband was always happy to have the children now abd then so I could enjoy time alone or with friends.
To be honest, feeling like me again was a slow and gradual process. It happened over years. Now my children are 12 and 10 I feel completely like me again!

A day with a friend without children every so often and a night away too.
Trying to have my first cup of tea in peace (still a work in progress with 3 and 6 year old)
Having clothes I feel good in and spending time with friends with kids who I really like separately to having kids in common

I go to a yoga class once a week in the evening, it’s great just to leave the house alone and have an hour to myself. DH does bedtime so by the time I get back we are child free for the rest of evening.

We also try to fit in cleaning up the kitchen etc before DS goes to bed. And then while one person is putting him to bed, the other person finishes the cleaning. So then we have the rest of the evening to relax.

Have a shower and get actually dressed.

This is a must. Even if I'm not leaving the house, il shower and get into something comfortable, practical and half decent. Tbh usually a t shirt and leggings. Nothing worse than sitting around in your pj's all day (unless very very poorly of course!)

I would definitely include the shower as one of my daily luxuries. Fuck all this "2 minute showers to save the world" business. I save the world in other ways, I'm going to stand under the shower and just exist and enjoy it for as long as possible.

Reading and walking- clichés for a reason. I really need to get off MN and read a bit myself before my own little one gets up!

Maybe just try not turning the telly on? It's too easy to get sucked into it once it's on.

When is your free time, is it when they have gone to bed, or at nursery or being cared for by someone else? Just so we have an idea of what things to suggest:) ie no use suggesting gym if no childcare etc!

Are you a member of a local library? If not definitely get down there with the kids and grab a few things for yourself!

I go to an evening class once a week when my DS is tucked up in bed. It's amazing to get out and just be me for the evening and not just mummy. Obviously understand though that not everyone has the option of someone who can stay to babysit for that evening!

You are you. You're just a parent. A baby and a toddler is relentless, and you reach a level of exhaustion never known previously! Just don't set too high expectations of yourself. Small children bring so much joy - focus on that. There's nothing wrong with watching a bit of trashy tv if it helps you to relax. You're not failing or losing yourself, you're just managing.

I stayed at home with my first, with my second I returned to work and it has been the best thing for me. I get a pedicure every 6 weeks and I really look forward to it, have started to get my brows done and apply fake tan and it makes me feel so much better in myself. I want to start a gym class soon, just needing to build myself up to that one (pre children I used to go 4 times a week, but now I'm unfit...very unfit).

Running and going to the office once a week for me. Not for the job, but because it means talking to people about something other than the children, and getting dressed up (not massively so, office is casual, but making more of an effort than day-to-day). I feel much better when I look half decent.

Running and going to the office once a week for me. Not for the job, but because it means talking to people about something other than the children, and getting dressed up (not massively so, office is casual, but making more of an effort than day-to-day). I feel much better when I look half decent.

I definitely feel like working part time helps a lot, but it also adds to the feeling of exhaustion. I think physical activity may be the key. I took the dog hiking the other day and felt great. I think I just struggle with my energy levels - my free time is often in the evenings, when I'm mentally exhausted from looking after the kids or work / commuting, so it's hard to get into the frame of mind where I can read/ study / create.

Teach them to play by themselves for short (but lengthening) periods. Use that time to do some of the house stuff that would otherwise be done after bedtime. (I have a five year old and two one year olds, so I’m not speaking from the lofty heights here!)

Plus one to a shower and coffee in peace. I leave for work early once a week and have an hour to myself. It makes my week sometimes.

Go out with my friends.
Go out by myself
Watch good tv
Exercise
Work

You need something that's just yours, where you are in control, which has nothing to do with "mum". It's different for everyone. Mine are:

• exercise
• writing fiction
• my degree
• walking
• drinks with friends.

It helps if there's something active, something creative, and something social in the mix.

I have 3 and my youngest is 4 and it's only been since the beginning of this year that I've started feeling like me again. I think it comes in time. I've been selling baby things and decluttering as well and making things nicer round the house. I've been making sure I get my hair cut, which I style daily and do my make up. I buy clothes that flatter me. Sleep is the biggest thing I think - I had little sleep last night and today I'm exhausted and hungry with zero motivation. Finding yourself a good amount of sleep is the first step and often impossible with children that age.

Music and coffee

I do think there's an acceptance that this is "me" now - old me was party girl who worked way too much, this current me eats biscuits in cupboards so the kids can't see and owns multiple stain removers.

Like PP, I exercise at least twice a week and try to get my 10k steps in every day, I revamped my wardrobe and brought clothes that fitted and I actually liked, simple skin care, hair and make up routine, go for a monthly massage, try to get enough sleep, all stuff that makes me feel healthy and ready to face another day of child wrangling.

I think some of these self care tips are excellent.
My kids are long gone and leading their own lives, but even so between working and running the house it's still easy to lose yourself.
I'm going to book myself in for a facial as soon as I can and make it a bit of habit.

Got a 6 year old and twins that are 2 (another one due in Nov). Time without children is crucial. We have a small playground round the corner. I love this weather as I kick DH out with the kids long enough to have a bath on my own. Even if it's just an hour a week it's a game changer to have time that isn't when I'm shattered in the evening.

I have a 3yo and 10mo and we went to a wedding a few weeks ago. Honestly it was such an effort but after doing my nails, fake tan and putting a full face of make up on I felt human again! It was so nice!

I'm struggling with this too. So far all I've found is escaping to the gym and I'm planning on going out for a drink soon with friends. I am honestly so knackered come 7pm but I'm going to force myself!

@AlligatorPsychopath

It helps if there's something active, something creative, and something social in the mix.
Love this!!!

Great advice.