Newborn feeding - looking for advice

[Northtosouth]

Baby is 11 days old and I’m really struggling with feeding him. Before he was born I was very much the attitude of I’ll see how breast feeding goes and if it doesn’t work out I was happy to formula feed.

I started off breastfeeding in hospital and all was well, until we got home and he totally refused to latch. After trying for 7 hours on our first night we rang the maternity unit and they told us to give him formula which he took straight away. I then had breastfeeding support through my midwife and mostly I’m managing to get him to latch and feed.

However I know I absolutely can’t EBF, the days I’ve tried I’ve been absolutely exhausted, crying all day and really miserable. I’m giving him formula , trying to do a couple of feeds a day and also expressing to try to maintain my supply. All 3
together is also quite exhausting.
In my head I know formula feeding would be best for all of us, but I just can’t make the decision to stop as I feel SO guilty. The midwives are also making me feel bad and putting a bit of pressure on me to drop the formula completely which I just can’t imagine going back to no sleep.

does anyone have any advice of words of wisdom? I’m really struggling with it and feel like I’m missing out on his first few weeks being stressed and miserable.

Don’t ever feel guilty for using formula - it’s an amazing product. DT’s had formula from day one - no health issues and both graduated recently with first class degrees.

Fuck everyone else do what works for you. If you want to use formula just use formula there's no need to stress over it.
If you really really want one last shot at breastfeeding contact some breastfeeding helplines (La leche league, kelly mom)but just go with your gut feeling deep down which ever it is it really doesn't matter.
I exclusively breastfed, some of my friends mixed breastfeeding and bottle, and some used formula only. There's pro's and con's to all of them and no matter which one you choose you are likely to have a screaming baby for what feels like 25 hours a day and be brutally tired for at least the first 6 months. Please be kind to yourself, rest, and do what works for YOU!

Aww, poor you. The early days are tough. Childbirth is a massive event physically and mentally.
The thing is, if you give formula now, you are very likely to mess up your own milk supply. If your baby isn't suckling, your supply won't get established.
It won't always be this difficult.
Get some support around you, settle yourself down with the baby and focus on this one thing for a few days. If you can get latching right, then frequent feeding will see you through to easier times.
All the rewards of feeding naturally are just around the corner and it will soon be second nature.

Tried twice to breastfeed and stopped. First baby just wouldn't latch and it would take hospital midwifes 20-30 mins to get him to do it - if he would. He had jaundice was close to needing treatment so we moved to
Bottles.

My second baby had a great latch but my
Milk didn't come in by day 7 so again I moved to bottles.

The first time round I felt less guilty as for what ever reason my baby wouldn't latch. To lazy or shellshocked from birth - who knows. Wasn't great on the bottle either

Second I felt terrible guilt as my body let me down but we had covid in the house two weeks before he was born and then he was an emcs. So again I have to give myself a break. Also I so wanted to just enjoy this baby without worrying about how he was feeding. With my first it felt like the first few days were just an agony of trying to get the baby to latch.

So once decided I didn't look back and tried to see the positives - 2nd baby slept well once on the bottle, was a happy contented baby and then so was I

Don't underplay the importance of your health and happiness too

Doing all 3 is totally exhausting, I feel your pain! I was similar and found nipple shields really helped. That and perseverance - I went from about 80% bottle fed at 2 weeks to 90% breast fed at 4 months.

If you decide to just go for formula, baby will be fine! But if not, see if you can access different support through your health visitor or a local breastfeeding group. Having a group of peers who were struggling along with me really kept me going.

Just to be clear, the bottle feeding was mostly formula as I only usually managed to express one bottle per day. So using formula now doesn't necessarily mean ruling out breastfeeding entirely.

Totally your decision but if you can persist with the bf and gradually phase out the top ups, in a few weeks it will get a million times easier and in the long run will in fact be much easier than faffing around with bottles. So basically putting in the effort now will start to reward you in a few weeks, for months to come. And BF isn't just about feeding, breast milk is constantly changing its composition to ensure your baby is protected from bugs, it has pain relieving properties and is an amazing way to comfort your child. But you obviously need to do what is right for you both.

I was trying to do all three too and it was just too exhausting and left me no time just to enjoy my baby. Breastfeeding never got any easier for me and it was a huge relief to chuck away the pump at around 10 weeks and switch to formula only and just focus on my baby. Baby had tongue tie and wasn’t feeding so we topped up with formula but by the time the tongue tie was sorted she was happy with the bottle and very fussy about when she would breastfeed directly. Despite various people saying it would get easier if I somehow managed to feed, top up and pump every 3 hours I don’t think it would have for us and there have been lots of times when I’ve been happy for my partner to do some of the night feeds.

If you are miserable, formula feed. It isn't worth it if you aren't happy and feel like you are missing out on your baby's first few weeks.

It's ok to want to stop breastfeeding
It's ok to want to formula feed

Formula feeding can be wonderful too.

thanks so much everyone, honestly feel so much better reading all the replies.

@Mufflette do you mind me asking how you maintained your supply and transitioned the way you did from mostly bottle to mostly breastfed?

if I could try to keep my supply going over the next few weeks I think I could perceive for a bit longer the way I am but all the midwives are telling me it will never work and if I don’t drop the formula now I’ll lose my supply and won’t have a choice.
I’m just so exhausted and recovering from a c section and how overwhelming becoming a mum is which hopefully would settle down in a few weeks and maybe I could try to get the feeding back on track then.

I’m currently doing all 3 with my 3 week old and it’s exhausting
Originally wanted to exclusively breastfeed but he was fed via feeding tubes and in neonatal ward for his first week of life as he was unwell and refused to feed. He’s never full after breast so I’m pumping regularly and formula once a day. Every day I think about switching to just formula but I feel the same as you, guilty. I read the lists of benefits from breast milk and want baby to have all of that but due to baby being in hospital my milk supply isn’t that great and it’s such a stress. I don’t really have much advice but just want to say I feel the same!

actually I guess my advice really is if it’s affecting our mental health and time with our baby then formula is best

@Northtosouth of course! Pretty much every time I'd attempt to breastfeed first then follow with formula. Even with the nipple shields it was tricky but he could at least latch with them, managed to drink a little more each time and one day at about 10 weeks I tried without the shields again and he just did it!

I did try to express too but it was usually a max of two bottles a day. Then I just transitioned from bottles over time really, first with night feeds and then each day one. I suppose my supply adjusted gradually, potentially trying to breastfeed each time helped with that as it didn't get 'switched off'. I

I did find that midwives weren't the best for breastfeeding support, my health visiting team were amazing so I hope you find something similar! I was in a small group of people having feeding issues and we all managed to sort it eventually. Those early days were really tough though.

@MRSDoos Sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation, although it’s made me feel less alone. And sorry to hear your little one was in neonatal, hope he’s ok now.

He’s never full after I feed him either, he’s so much more settled after formula, or even a bottle of breast milk. I think he finds it really tiring breastfeeding, every feed is an hour and a lot of the time he falls asleep sucking and just slips off. But then wakes up and wants to relatch again, it’s the same cycle over and over again. It’s really exhausting.

I feel like I’m not spending as much time with him as I want as I have so much to do. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to, it does sometimes feel like you’re the only person in the world going through it x

Just read your last comment, totally forgot that DS used to fall asleep all the time too! Set yourself a time limit to breastfeed to start with, I think neonatal told me 15 mins. He'll get stronger over time!

But you are spending time with him him. You are breastfeeding him and cuddling him and letting him snooze on you and that is all any 11 day old baby needs.

Congratulations first of all! It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Please don't be hard on yourself. I had trouble with my supply and did all 3 like you. My little girl was in neonatal for a few days but had to give her formula in hospital as I wasn't producing enough milk. I pumped and persevered with breastfeeding for about 3 months before I got thrush on my nipples and had to stop after much insistence from my DH (he could see how hard it was for me to keep trying to get my milk supply to increase- it just didn't happen for me).

Whatever you decide to do, keep telling yourself what an amazing mum you are. Your baby just wants you whether you give breast or bottle milk. Formula is so good nowadays that they'll be getting everything they need from that. That you have given any breast milk is fantastic.

I would say just be kind to yourself and carry on with formula now. Trying to keep going with all 3 will stop you just enjoying this time with your baby.

Good luck whatever you decide to do!

I started out EBF then had to give formula on day 4 when he was admitted with significant weight loss and jaundice. I was so upset as I'd always wanted to EBF. When we were discharged I was forever trying to drop the top ups get back to EBF. It was so stressful. Eventually around 3/4 months I decided it wasn't going to happen and keep with the formula tops ups. Best decision I ever made! And around 5 months when they become so distracted out and about it's so much easier to bottle feed!! Never feel bad and just do what's best for you and your little one x

You wouldn't believe how many people made me feel guilty for struggling to BF. Thank god for my supportive husband who just said no this is what we are doing. I spent hours crying and dreading holding my baby because of it. Do let anyone make you feel less than because you are using formula. You are an amazing mum. Happy mum makes a happy baby and that is far more important than breast or bottle.

Formula fed from birth for a number of reasons
The midwives made me feel like utter shit about it they really did.
If BF is impacting your health (wither mental pr physical), stop. Its not worth it. My DS is now almost 1 and absolutely fine. A total bundle of joy ! Hasn't impacted his health or our bond.

Your baby won't resent you because you didn't breast feed him.

Whatever decision you make, please don't let them make you feel guilty about it. Being a mum is so tough mentally and physically. You need to also look after yourself

Has he been checked for tongue tie xx