Working around toddler - yay or nay

[WhoToTalkTo]

I'm WFH SE. DC is extremely clingy (the clingiest child I've ever come across) at the moment and is generally really fussy and quite miserable. DP and I thought it might be more reassuring if I work in the lounge so that DC knows I'm still around, while DP does the entertaining. However although DC isn't hysterically crying and trying to chase after me/banging on doors behind me like when I'm working in another room (which completely distracts my focus and makes me very unnerved), it's like being anywhere but snuggled into me feeding isn't good enough... and obviously gets bored of that after a while.

I don't know how best to support DC and if that is being present or not. I grew up with quite significant attachment issues that took me over a decade of work to start to overcome, so preventing or minimising these same issues is paramount to me.

If you’re both working then he needs to be in childcare?

Oh gosh I feel sorry for you. I'm afraid to say that I think for a while your best option is to work out of the house if that's at all possible. Can you work from a rental office or library? I'm sorry for you though, I know how hard it is!

Is DP working too? I think it is much more upsetting for a child to see you and need to stay away. I would not try and work in the same room.

I think it’s more difficult to be present but ignoring him (or trying to!).

My DS also had a very clingy phase, if I was upstairs he’d scream until DH brought him up.

Any chance you can leave the house to work? Or can DH take him out? I think it’s very difficult to be present but unavailable.

We're not both working, DP is entertaining as I said.

It doesn’t sound healthy or sustainable to be honest. How old is DC?

Working like this wouldn’t have suited my clingy DD. Either they or you needs to go out!

Either he goes out or you do?

Yes, work from an office. A toddler can't understand why you're ignoring them.

I think it’s the worst of both worlds, not your job and toddler will suffer. Can you work from the office/cafe/hire a cheap workspace.

This! :)

Does he go to any childcare? I'd find a nice calm childminder for a child like that. He can form a bond with her and learn that people other than mum and dad can be trusted and relied upon. WFH when he knows you're there doesn't seem like a good idea.

Were your issues caused by events in your life, or just the way you were? I think there might be a danger of projecting distress onto DC when he's normal toddler level pissed off?

We have both WFH since DD1 (now 4) was born. The entertaining parent just has to manage, it's as simple as that. When one of us is working the office door is closed and that person is largely inaccessible, just as if they had left the house. I certainly wouldn't be working in the same room as DC; your partner just needs to find a solution that doesn't involve interrupting your work.

I think you need to go out so that the toddler knows you can't be with them.

I used to wfh sometimes while my mum looked after my toddlers. I "went to work" as normal, complete with waving me off in the car. Then I parked up, and snuck back into the house while my mum distracted them in the back garden. They then had no idea I was working upstairs all day (my mum delivered my lunch and a coffee every now and then), and I'd sneak out again and drive back home.

No way would they have understood that I was working in another room and they should leave me alone.

We work from home and have no childcare atm. When my husband is working in the home office my son doesn't mind but we also make sure to get out to playgroups etc at least for the morning.

I occasionally work from home. On those days my husband takes him but there's no way I could work in our home office as son is also looking for me and would get upset. I go to a local co-working hub. Can you see if there's anything similar in your area? Local library would be a good start. Or do you have family with a home office you can make use of?

As PP said, either you or they need to go out.

Typical day for us:

8am husband starts working
9am me and toddler head out for a walk
10am playgroup and lunch out
12- home for a nap
2- snack and play at home
5- husband finishes work. Dinner, bath, bed.

If my son is whining or agitated from 2-3 and would disturb my husband then we will play in the garden or head out again for a play in the park.

I find it's all about timetabling the day. E.g. morning out at park/playgroup/play date, afternoon playing in the garden. Or have engaging activities prepared ahead of time.

But just taking it a day at a time and floating about aimlessly at home won't work. Timetable some structure and you should get on better.

This is 100% true. Sometimes I can't go out to work as I need to take phone calls/video calls with private information. In those cases it's up to my husband to keep our son occupied. If he's not happy at home they need to go out. No two ways about it.

You trying to work in the same room as your toddler is not at all sustainable. Tbh it sounds like you all need out for some fresh air! The thought of working in the same room as my toddler is giving me cabin fever.

@WhoToTalkTo sorry! Yes as PPs have said you need to go out to work - thankfully wfh wasn’t a thing when my DC were small, they would never have understood “you need to give mummy some space”!

I do similar. If mine know that I am working from home they will whine for me and make my mums life difficult. If they think I am out they will happily play with her and have a great time.