19 month old toddler with food is this normal and am I doing the right thing?

[Newmummy343]

Hi

So I have a 19 month old toddler. Tbh he's always been a bit of a nightmare with food since he was a newborn. My health visitor called him a grazer as he would never finish a full bottle of milk and would sip a bottle over the course of an hour/2 hours. Now with actual food he doesn't want 'meals' he'd just happily snack away. He does eat fruit and veg etc so its not unhealthy snacks but i'm wondering if anyone has any tips for trying to stop the snacking. For example I gave him beef ragu with pasta tonight for tea (he's eaten this before and I enjoyed it) and he screamed for a banana. Wouldn't touch the ragu and screamed and screamed and I just gave in. He ate all the banana then had an apple. Later on a babybel then later on some blueberries and Strawberries. Am I just being too soft? Should I be more firm in saying no? I just find it so hard as he goes into a meltdown and I feel he's too young to understand when we tell him no this is his tea. Is this normal? Thanks for anyone who has read until the end.

Toddlers love choice & control. In this situation I would give the pasta, half a banana and maybe a yoghurt (or whatever your DS likes that you're happy to give) all at the same time. This gives them a bit of control about choosing what to eat, and they have a 'gateway food'

Also that way you're not giving in to his demands. If he just eats the banana and then demands more banana, you say 'sorry there's no more banana on the menu but you have this pasta and the yoghurt' ..... Hopefully with a bit of consistency this will work for you!

We do this with DD...I'll always give her a petit filous or some blueberries or other fruit alongside the main meal. It doesn't really matter if they eat it first, as they'll usually move on to the rest of the food anyway.

I learnt this from Solid Starts btw, brilliant website and Instagram content if you wanted to have a look.

Also if he demands something that you've not decided to give at that meal, use the script 'sorry, there's no X on the menu now, but we can have it with tea Tomorrow/later (whenever the next meal or snack is)' and then hold firm but follow through and serve it at the next opportunity

We also do the serve everything together method and it works really well.

He will often eat his favourites first, strawberries or cheese etc but once he's got going he usually eats everything.

There's no more of anything after his plate of food.

Am I just being too soft?
Yes
.Should I be more firm in saying no?
Yes

Barking if you're actually being serious.

Pick your battles OP. If he's asking for a nutritious substitute for what's offered and it's something as simple to prepare as a banana, and means he will actually eat, consider the easy life for now and roll with it. Continue to offer what you're hoping he'll eat and have safe backups in case.

Toddlers do prefer finger food

How are you getting on @Newmummy343 going through a similar phase with my 17mo 🙈

Really stupid advice that prioritises control of a child over a healthy relationship to food and eating. Only you know if you are hungry OP, ir if you dont really fancy pasta/ whatever and same goes for your toddler

Like others have suggested, trying to control what he eats is a hiding to stress for both of you. Making mealtimes stressful battlefields will make it more likely that he rejects new foods, is anxious and over fixated on his favourites, and won't develop a healthy relationship to food and eating.

Like pp have stated, everything at once meals are perfect for toddlers. Expecting that he will just eat "meals" rather than low level snacking is not really considering how small he is, how fast he is growing etc.

My two always sat up for mealtimes but often their day time snacking meant they wouldn't eat much at meal times, but I wanted them to feel involved/ invited. Now completely normal 10 and 12 year olds who are adventurous eaters and absolutely normal body weight and food relationships.

I have this issue, I’ll try not feeding him snacks in the hope he’ll eat a full meal, but he will still pick and eat almost nothing. We end up offering boring cereal as an alternative, because if he doesn’t eat then I’m up in the night with him.

Would love this phase to pass

Hi any improvements ? X