Career step-up vs mum guilt and managing school holidays

[Alwayslooktothestars]

Grateful for advice from mums of school-age little ones.

My eldest is 4yrs old and starting reception in September. My youngest is currently 9 months and starting nursery in September. I’m due back at work and they have offered me the opportunity for a huge step-up.

Im really excited by the opportunity and love my job, but it would involve long hours and travel (c.2 nights away a week). My DH is supportive as the pay-bump would give us financial security and the ability to start saving. He’s in a good job and wfh 90% of the time.

I just don’t know how we’re going to manage school holidays (we don’t have family close by or able to support) and also how I’m going to manage the mum guilt of just not being there so much of the time - especially during the holidays. I feel awful about constant kids camps, but am I over-worrying?

I know this wouldn’t even be a discussion if it was the man offered the job and my DH is so supportive but we just don’t have experience of the logistics…and being on mat leave I’ve got used to being there 100% for my boys.

What do you do to manage holidays if a dual working family? And any advice on the mum guilt…! Thank you!

I did exactly this after my second child. We already had a full time nanny. Would that work for you?

How much annual leave do you get between you? Can you ‘buy’ more or negotiate a 95% salar contract in exchange for however many extra days this would give you?
Presumably the younger one will be in nursery anyway, but summer holiday clubs for the older one, many are payable with tax free childcare so 20% off.

An au pair, baby in nursery part time .
School holidays...well it's not really that different from being at work full time without travel...someone would have to look after the children during the day.
Guilt still with me though...and mine are adults

Separate issues:

Firstly the mum guilt and ‘not being there’

Secondly the logistics of the holidays and childcare.

Thirdly the long term financial impact on the family if you don’t take the role.

Fourthly the long term impact on your career progression if you don’t take the role.

1. You’re their mother and they’ll have their father at home. Like you said if you were a man you wouldn’t feel the guilt in the same way
2. consider a childminder for after school and before if your DH can’t drop off. Kids clubs are fab nowadays. Your baby could go to a private nursery and that would cover them.
3. 3 and 4 kind of combined. It could set you back if you don’t take the role as a family financially and career wise.

take advice from a mum that took 5 years out. It really impacted my career, I’m now working hard to pay into my pension. We’ve been held back on a house move etc etc

My kids are both in primary, we found this year we needed to use holiday clubs for one of the half terms and 3 weeks in summer. The rest of the time we have managed to cover by annual leave.

Oh and forgot to say people who do 4 days l feel get 80% of pay trying to pack 4 into 5 (this was my life and stressful). You should consider it but just be mindful your 5th day is never off.

DH wouldn’t have wanted a job that meant he would be away 2 days a week, so I think more men do think about this now.

Check out what holiday clubs there are about. Nursery age children are much easier to sort childcare for than school age. The area we live in has very little available during holidays, only one local school offers holiday clubs. Other clubs available don’t offer sufficient hours.

Factor in the cost of additional childcare costs when looking at additional income. Outsource cleaning etc, so can have as much family time when at home.

Well it is what it is. Your child will have a parent around most of the time, you will secure more money for your family, they can have an au pair, or do alternatives etc. It's not like you can go back and not have kids, yo uhave them, you have to work, you have to organise childcare for them, as do many. Yes there's the guilt, but it is what it is.

Same here.

The worry of this will be much worse than the logistics and benefits eventually. We always find something to feel guilty about as Mums. I have one child and she has always had a Nanny 1-1, when she went to school last year we moved to using afterschool club and I felt awful, she kept telling me also that she wished she still had a minder but we needed the stability and not to worry about the commitment of a Nanny with part time hours. It is all fine. In the holidays we use a mix of our annual leave, I’m lucky enough to get August off as special leave every year and for about 6 weeks I get a babysitter. There are always good teenagers, carers of teachers children, university students etc who want summer work. I’ve had a young woman who is training to be a teacher do my summer block last and this year. As for the guilt it definitely eases, I make sure that the time we have together is special where I’m very attuned and play with her a lot. I always weave into conversations about my work so she understands the value of it and why I work and the link between me working a lot and the things we spend our money on!
Hope it all gets sorted for you. Congrats on the job opportunity!

I think you are in a better position than parents who had children around 10 years ago to be honest. With the dad at home 90 percent of the time! Wow. Go for it! This really will make all the difference - he can be the default parent - at home if the kids are sick etc. it’s a very different picture to 2 parents working long hours away from home.

you can always change later if it doesn’t work.

good luck!!

if you love your job, I would really advise you to do it.

Don't forget that you're allowed 18 weeks parental leave per child (in total; to be used before 18). So you have 36 weeks to use. That gives you over 3 weeks extra per year before both children are secondary school age. It's unpaid, but hopefully you new salary will help with that.

www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Thank you so much everyone. We’ve started looking into the holiday camps and I think my DH and I are comfortable for me to go for it. I just hope mum guilt doesn’t hit too hard….!