Help! 3 y/o furious tantrums

[moanymoe]

Currently sat on the floor outside DC bedroom while he has a screaming tantrum because it's not DH turn to put him to bed.

I've been out here 30 minutes.

So far he's told me he doesn't love me, wishes I'd leave his house, pinched me and repeatedly slammed the door in my face.

This is a semi regular occurrence.

DH is expected to only put youngest to bed. God forbid our other child wants down time with DH.

I don't even know where to begin with navigating this behaviour.

I've been understanding, I've been calm, I've been firm, I've left him to it, I've intervened.

The result is always the same. DH intervenes or we'll be here all night. Which I feel is cementing the behaviour. But on the other hand he's a been ups since 5:30 and I'd quite like to sit down and have a cup of tea in peace!

Is there a reason that DH couldn't put him to bed @moanymoe? It seems like the simplest way to get him settled

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto DH was putting other DC to bed, we take it in turns.

But the problem is youngest never wants me so we always have to swap - and eldest never gets any time with DH.

Also feel giving in every time ia reinforcing the behaviour.

In the end he went to bed but it took quite some doing!

Are they going to bed at the same time? Could you stagger it by half an hour? DS is so little still.

Is there a reason you want to avoid reinforcing the behaviour of DS wanting to build attachment with DH? I'd understand if DS was demanding chocolate before bed, but I don't understand the negative perspective around him seeking comfort from a particular parent (especially the one who I assume has not predominantly been the primary caregiver and thus has the 'weaker' bond with in relative terms).

I have no issue with DS having an attachment to DH. That's not the issue. The issue is when is our other child supposed to reinforce their attachment?

And I'd quite like the option of putting my own child to bed without a huge fuss.

We've tried staggering bedtimes but we end up in the same situation, just at a different time!

Thing is it won’t be like this forever, honestly let DH put the youngest to bed, carve out time with the eldest for bonding time at other times of the day.

Children’s ‘favourites’ change over time, I personally wouldn’t ‘die on this hill’.

Find this quite an odd reply since I've seen so many replies on MN on other threads where the consensus is very much bedtimes should be shared with the other parent, force the dad to do bed times, break reliance on the mum doing bedtimes only and so on

The issue is when is our other child supposed to reinforce their attachment

Can't DH put them both to bed, just at different times? You could have half an hour quality time with DC1 before they go to bed.

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto that's not really fair to expect DH to do bedtime every night. It's also not possible as DH is sometimes on work calls at bedtime.

If I'm in on my own DS is fine. It when he know DH is here the issue arises

Why is that an odd reply if it is in line with the idea you just shared?