Outnumbered on day trips - help!

[freyafreud]

Morning! I'm looking for some advice from others in a similar situation.

I have two DS, 5 & 3. They're born 18 months apart.

My issue is that I've developed a bit of a fear of taking them to new places by myself. They can be fairly spirited and I can get quite stressed by that.

Half term is coming up and I'd like to take them to the farm/zoo etc. without having to ask DH/DM to come with us.

The issue is that they will head in opposite directions and I then have to run around like a headless chicken to catch them and gain control again. It's much easier when I've got someone else with me.

DS 3 is the real culprit, he hasn't got to the stage of listening properly yet.

I do take them to lots of indoor places by myself, like trampolining, soft play etc. and there are a few little parks near us that I'll do by myself because I know they can't escape and I can always see them.

This will be a nonissue for many but I'm struggling. It's making me feel like I'm a bad mum. Any advice would be so appreciated.

I'm also happy to take them absolutely anywhere when it's 1:1, it's just the being outnumbered that freaks me out

I'd try a wrist strap or reins for the 3yo,while working on being stricter with both boys - set very clear expectations before you go and they are both old enough to learn that bad behaviour = going straight home and to remember that for next time!

Honestly? I'd go for some kind of reins / wrist loop.

Start with setting the ground rules - no running off, hold Mummy's hand etc.
Lots of praise for following. Regular re-enforcement each time you move on.
A promise of an ice cream if there is time at the end (if you don't waste time running after them).

x-post!

What's his consequence when he runs off? Try with local visits to park/swings, and warm him if he doesn't listen and runs off you'll all go home. Then follow through.

For now though he's learnt that there's no consequence to running off so he does it, when he learns he'll miss out he'll stop.

Iron discipline with the 5 year old - assuming there’s no Sen it’s completely unacceptable to wonder off. I would say if he does he would also have to have a wrist strap too.

3 year olds be 3 year olds but I would have zero tolerance with the 5YO. You should only really have to be on it to that extent with the younger one and if they’re a young 3 I’d take a stroller so you have that as a threat/back up for running away or getting tired.

Reins / my DD was a runner. It was the only way to not lose her every time we stepped out and we outnumbered her bring our only child!!

I'd agree with pp I am a single parent to twins and an older dc (3years between them all) so had no choice if I wanted to leave the house.
Always used reins with dt, but expected hand holding to so they could learn how I expected them to behave.
Them knowing that we would go home if they didn't behave also helped.
Start small (a small farm, play area) and work to bigger places.
Set high expectations and be consistent.
Explain safety is your priority.
Don't try going places when they're tired.
Offer the option of 3 year old walking nicely/not running off or pushchair.

Lay down the rules before you leave. Make sure they both understand what is expected and why.

Tell them what the consequences will be (we'll have to come home or you'll have to wear reins like a baby) and then stick to it. Stick to it completely and immediately. No wishy-washy, 'ok, one more chance' etc.

Lots of praise about how good they're being and how proud you are when they are doing what they're supposed to be. If it's successful talk to them afterwards about how you were able to have a day at the farm/zoo because they listened and didn't run off. Make it clear that if they cooperate then there can be lots of fun days. If they don't then you'll have to stay at home.

I would start this with local trips to 'retrain' them before you tackle the farm or zoo. Unless they have additional needs they're both of an age to be able to listen and follow simple instructions so just running off is unacceptable and completely avoidable with behaviour management.

Thanks so much. Its honestly been really troubling me.

I will get a wrist strap for youngest.

Eldest is a good boy 99% of the time but they rile each other up something shocking and then I get so stressed it all goes to pot.

I'm going to start small and work up. I avoid taking them to the hairdressers etc together because I can't trust them to behave.

I will also say sometimes it's more the dread of what if, rather than they're actually behaviour. They do often surprise me and are v well behaved.

I do need to be a bit tougher though. 3y/o is in a "phase" atm and is extremely grumpy and hard work when the mood takes him.

Thanks again x

*their not they're 💀

Reins or wrist strap for both, the 5yo gets a chance to prove himself but the first hint of running off and he has to be treated like a baby. Explain and reinforce that if they run off you will have to go home.

Unfortunately you might have to plan some trips with the expectation of them being cut short. A few days of coming home straight away because they kept running off should drive the message home.

At some attractions you can pay to borrow a buggy (at London zoo you can borrow a single or double).

It's a really tough age to have two solo, just one day trip alone in half term is perfectly understandable - you can def ask family and friends on other days.
I would say put the younger one in a pram and only let them out for short periods

Just to say I have similar. A 2 and 5 year old with just over two years between. My problem is that the 5 year old won't walk at the two year pace so he just goes off.

Luckily we still take the buggy out so can atleast strap the youngest in.

So discipline for the eldest is now key

Thank you. It's nice to hear someone say it's okay to ask for help. It does feel hard, I know it's not for lots of people but for me it's real stressor.

I see so many parents out with multiple children, and they make it look so easy!

Say to them we all want to have fun so we have to work together as a team. If I'm running after you I feel stressed and get cross and then it's not fun.
And then keep reminding them of team work and how if we listen and stay with mum we can all have a nicer day. The 5 YO in particular should understand this idea.
It is hard though!

Start with small things that don’t last long and build up. A day out has lots of excitement with all the energy and expectation attached, so maybe something that lasts an hour that is fun to see how it goes. Make it “normal” that you expect them not to run off, so in the shops, going for anything outside of the house you’re reinforcing the habit of staying with you. There will be a point when you can let them go ahead but we had the “you need to be able to see me and I need to be able to see you “ rule then. Good luck!