Bringing Preemie Newborn Home

[Cannaa89]

I was wondering what people's experiences were bringing a baby home after a stay in neonatal ward? Did you find that the time having them in care and being able to sleep overnight for that time, made things a bit easier when you did eventually bring them home, compared with taking a full term newborn home shortly after birth?

I haven't experienced both but no I don't think it's easier bringing a premature baby home. I spent my 'recovery' after giving birth sitting on a rock hard chair by DDs cot, miles from a toilet because COVID, wearing a mask because COVID and not able to eat or drink unless I left the hospital, also COVID. If I had had a full term baby I would have been able to stay in my bed recovering with DP fetching and carrying. I was up expressing every 3 hours in the night so whilst I didn't have a baby to deal with, I still didn't get a huge amount of sleep. I also had horrific nightmares about her not being with me which saw me wake up multiple times in the night in a panic. It really wound me up that people would constantly say how lucky I was to be able to recover at home and not have a baby to look after too. The reality is not that, at least not in my experience.

Yes, I had an emergency section so after 3 months with DD in neonatal I was fully healed and able to parent easier.

Also, as DD was woken every 4 hours for cares but not otherwise, she was in a lovely routine and slept through after being home 3 weeks.

The time after bringing her home was honestly blissful and amazing, we were home, I could touch her whenever I wanted and I felt like a real mum.

My DD did come home on oxygen which was a bit stressful though

I've been in both scenarios. I found time home with the preemie much harder but that was because she was a much trickier baby overall. She cried more, she was super noisy at night, she was fed by exclusive pumping which was brutal, and she was my first, so it was all new. I wouldn't say the three weeks sat around on the ward did me any good except to strain my nerves. I didn't even get uninterrupted sleep at home cause I had to get up to pump.

In contrast my term baby breastfed directly, wasn't quite so loud over night and cried less, and I felt much more like I knew what I was doing. The tricky was doing it all with a toddler running around as well!

@Cannaa89 just wanted to let you know that's there's a Premature Birth Section on MN. You might get a few more responses in there

We've done both, though both babies were at 5lbs give or take 1oz either direction, so neither were “easy” the first few weeks at home. I struggled more with my first, the nicu baby, as it was harder to bond, she was fussier, and I was just more stressed and unsure of how to parent. I’d say it depends how long the baby is in the nicu for, ours was only 3 weeks. The nurses kept telling us to go out for date nights, and honestly we did one, and I felt awful. The whole time it felt horribly wrong. I was having massive separation anxiety and guilt, and tacos and wine was frankly the last thing I needed. The nicu also wanted me to pump every 3 hours, even at night, so there was no real sleep benefit. Looking back I should have said sod that as my output was double in the morning if I didn’t do it at 3am 🤦‍♀️. In the nicu we did learn some amazing feeding and new parent tips from the nurses and other staff. Lean into that advice, it is gold.

I mean, I was physically recovered from my c-section but that was the only benefit. I didn't get any better overnight sleep because I was pumping every 3 hours. I was always hungry as you couldn't eat on the ward and I didn't want to leave him more than I had to. I had extreme guilt over DS1, who had two shattered and damaged parents looking after him for 3 months and then when we were both home had to adjust to the fact we were home with a baby. The sleeping patterns DS2 had in NICU also completely disappeared, probably because in NICU they didn't follow any of the safe sleep advice because he was on monitors the whole time. I was so worried about DS2 that I had so much less joy with him than DS1, and every time a health professional came to see him I ended up getting referred to another mental health support service.

That all sounds quite negative - my overwhelming experience of bringing a premmie home is that it is absolutely fantastic to have your baby home with you, and have cuddles on the sofa, and eat whenever you want, and have the family experiences you expected (even if that is never leaving DS1 and DS2 alone in the same room as DS1 is desperate to show that at 4 he's old enough to pick up the baby...).