Daughter’s mum says I don’t do enough

[Dadinhove]

Need some thoughts from neutrals. I’m not with my daughters mother it’s been like that since her birth. We both work full time Mon-fri. I have my daughter from Thursday afternoon through to Sunday afternoon every week on my own. It’s great but I’m staring to want at least few weekend days in the year to myself. However, the mother, who manages several holidays a year and enjoys most weekends free, is insisting that I am being unreasonable because, in her words, she already has “given me the freedom to work 5 days a week”. Is this her being manipulative and am I being a wet blanket for putting up with it. Maybe she’s right but I can’t get my head around this and don’t know quite how to respond. Thoughts welcome friends.

Presumably you will take your daughter more in the week?

Seems unfair to me. Presumably your daughter is school age? Does her mother have better hours for school drop offs and pick ups? What happens in the school holidays?

I don't know of any fathers that have their children Thursday to Sunday EVERY weekend. I feel that's unfair on you.

A bit sad for your daughter that her mother doesn’t seem to want to spend any time with her at weekends. Why not do every other weekend?

Thursday to Sunday is pretty much half the week so it's more of less 50/50 split between you and your ex. It does seem a bit unfair that you get all the weekends. It's also a bit sad she doesn't want to spend weekends with her DC

Is her mother paying for childcare Monday -, Friday? Is that want she means about freedom for you to work? I think if so it's reasonable for you to have one weekend out of four to your yourself but have your daughter and contribute to childcare costs in the week that one week.

Sorry for all those typos. I think I need to get to bed myself here.

Oh god no you are not in the wrong, my child’s dad is actually useless to my daughter but with his eldest son he has him every other weekend but sees him for training every Wednesday and then Sunday game day. The mother requested for it to be this way cause of it wasn’t she’d never see their son properly. You deserve a break and a life of your own

Goodness…thanks for the quick responses I’m very grateful. Daughter is at school which is 5 mins from her mums house and 30 mins from mine. There are no childcare costs and we try to split school holidays ok. Her mum works from home 3 days a week (Mon-weds) and me two days a week (Thursday and Friday). I just don’t understand her suggestion that she is “allowing me to work Mon-Friday” (which I find bizarre) when in fact I’m covering her for Thursday and Friday and most of the weekend. She’s very good at twisting things and unfortunately I’m a soft touch and don’t like confrontation so I guess I’m my own worst enemy.

If you both can be flexible with when you wfh, Why don’t you suggest 50:50. Three or four days with each. Then you’ll have some full and some partial weekends each.

That would be a good solution but she runs clinics on Thursday and Friday and says she cannot change them, which I understand

Me too 😂

If she needs you to do Thursday & Friday can you not do one week Thursday & Friday (possibly weds after school to Friday school drop) then the following Thursday-Monday?
then you both get some time to yourselves at the weekend & still a fairly even split.

I would look for a 50:50 arrangement that allows you both weekend time.

Would 5:5:2:2 work with your work schedules? Fri night-Wed night mum, swap to dad for wed night - Mon night, then mum has them Monday night to wed night, dad wed night to Friday night.

That gives you each a weekend, you have thurday and friday every week, mum has every tuesday and Wednesday.