Would you confront Mum for leaving DD out?

[rootsandwings89]

My 7 year old DD has a little friendship group at school. It was her best friends birthday on Tuesday and I thought it was strange no party had been arranged.

My DD has come home from school in tears because she's been told that her friends are going out for the birthday at the weekend - everyone except her. No reason given, and there have even been 2 girls invited that aren't in their little group.

We've always tried to encourage DD to play with everyone, but this group have always been very close. I feel this is purposely leaving her out and I've no idea why.

I have a good relationship with the girls mum but I'm so upset. AIBU to be angry? I don't know whether to message her or not?

My answer to that would have been, no invitation was lost as one wasn’t given. What a CF you are. Do parents really do this over a party? 😂

wasn’t lost

I’d say ‘Hello (mum name), hope you’re well. Sorry to message about this, it’s a bit awkward but DD was upset today about not being invited to xx’s party. I was a bit surprised to hear about it so I wondered if there’s anything I need to know about, a falling out or anything? Appreciate that it may just be a space issue however. Thank you’

Its likely to be limited numbers and your dd simply didnt make the list because it just happens this week they are not as close /maybe there had been some minor friction that will blow over.

There is nothing to be gained by asking other that awkwardness and coming across as needy.

Dont make a big deal of it and your dd will get over it. They wont be invited to all the parties they want to go to and they need to learn to accept that graciously.

Please don't send that! It is presumptious and implies in your opinion you were entitled to an invite and expecting an explaination why there wasn't one.

I can type the answer to that - Hi, I'm good, hope you are too. No problems just limited spaces, maybe we can meet for a play date some other time xxx'

What would you achieve from that text exchange?

Whilst it’s true that friendships change. I think it’s a bit dismissive of your DC’s feelings to just say that she can’t be invited to everything. She thinks this is her best friend or a really good friend at least! She is bound to be confused and hurt and I would be helping her navigate through this disappointment by at least acknowledging her feelings, doing something nice instead.

Not sure exactly what I would regarding finding out if there is an issue. The other DM must be well aware that your DC has not been included (and probably why) I think I would ask the teacher if there are any problems in the first instance. I am not sure I would want to ask the other DM directly unless you are very friendly. I would encourage other friendships perhaps through hobbies and with other classmates.

Don't message. She knows your daughter isn't invited. If she has a shred of decency she would approach you to explain.

You could mention it to the teacher in terms of encouraging your DD to play with some others and making sure chat about the party was kept to a minimum.

What was being a CF was that I collected and fed her child once a week every week and had done for about 4 months at that point and was continuing to, so she could work. If my DS was good enough for that he was good enough for a party invite. I don’t think that’s me being cheeky? (I actually did think he may have lost the invite but as she didn’t need me the following school year I’m not 100% sure!)